hkellick: (LITE)
Yes, I've been happily tagging, when I can, today.
I've done a couple the last couple months, a couple at the beginning of this year and, just for the hell of it, a couple around the time I started this journal...

Ye gods, has my journal changed alot in four years...

Back in 2001, I didn't write much about myself, certainly not the long rambling posts y'all have come to expect.
I wrote about my friends, random events in my life, random bits of work and such.

My first month, I talked a little bit about the work I was doing with Dr. Rabideau, a little about events going on at ChaoticMUX, a little about friends I talked with (It's WEIRD going back and seeing arabella's name in my journal..)
I was very nosy :)
And alot more flighty, in terms of my writing.

Also, four years ago, my subjects were much more entertaining...
I may try to make a conscious effort to make my subjects more entertaining again...

I won't get into all the other differences between me now and me four years ago...

...

When I (eventually) finish up, I'll probably post links to some of the bigger tags, for myself and/or anyone else who cares.
hkellick: (Timulty)
I have a question. I don't know if anyone knows the answer.

Why do young boys seemed to be genetically predisposed to find big trucks (Fire Trucks, Construction Trucks, et. al.) interesting.
I was sitting at the Metro station today, waiting for the shuttle and found myself watching the construction equipment. The crane grabbed dirt from the ground and dumped it in a dump truck. I marveled, somewhat, at man's technological prowess to build what essentially amounts to a bigger, but fairly efficient, shovel.
I remember when I was younger, my brother Marc and I could be no more alike than peanut butter and plantinum. He thought construction equipment and mack trucks were the best thing ever, but I thought fire trucks were the best thing ever.
I was probably four or five when I first decided fire trucks were the best ever. I don't know if this is society at work since I don't think I watched much, before I was five, but kid's television: Sesame Street, Muppet Show, The Electric Company and various Disney cartoons.
So.. I dunno. IS It a genetic predisposition? I have to wonder.
Discuss!
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Kristen)
I use my journal as my ranting post. If I'm mad at my parents, I rant. If I'm mad at my girlfriend, I rant. If I'm mad at the world, I rant and then rant a little more.
I almost never have anything positive to say. If something good's happening, I don't bother to post, I just enjoy it as much as I can.
Because tommorow something shitty will happen, I'm sure.
I'm a pessimist, folks. This is how I think :p

ANYWAYS.. as you know.. Kristen and I just had another big, ugly fight. One that forced the two of us to decide if our relationship with each other was really worth all of this anymore.
The last big fight, when Kristen became suddenly extremely depressed, I ended up confused, upset and talking to people online. I won't name names. We talked. She suggested I reconsider whether or not the relationship was worth all the agitation. At the same time, I talked to my mother. My mother loves me and I would DEFINATELY call her overprotective. I'm her eldest and, possibly, her favorite (we always had a special relationship she doesn't have with any of my other brothers). She told me to take time off from Kristen and try being alone for a while. Then she put her foot in her mouth and, at Marc's request, suggested I try jdate.com, a jewish dating site.

At the time, I was upset. I didn't want to break up with Kristen. I didn't think I needed time. All I wanted was for the fights to stop. I loved her.

I was telling this to Dr. Lockwood a week or so after and her suggestion was.. not to involve my mother in the day to day fights. All my mother heard was the negative, never the positive. It didn't really sink in then.

Fast forward to this fight and everyone's upset and the advice to take a break is looking awfully good. A quick scan of my entries from the past six month show a pattern.. for every step forward, we would take a major step back. If there were moments of happiness, they were brief and fleeting. Again, i rarely talked about the positive, only vented my frustrations at the negative.

When the next fight came along, we both looked for sympathy and advice. The advice was pretty mixed, but both of us heard someone tell us we should dump each other, that nothing was worth this.

I can't be angry at the people who said this. I don't know what everyone [livejournal.com profile] ecwoodburn talked to had to say, but everyone who really knew both Kristen and I never ever suggested anything bigger than a break. Some of my friends, who don't know Kristen and don't know how happy we can be together, suggested I dump her. Some of her friends, who don't know me, suggested she dump me.
I can't be angry because most of what you've seen is negtative, negative, negative.
What else are you supposed to think?

It just struck me.
So... for the next 12 weeks, at least, this is LITE's journal of positivity. I will not use this journal to vent anger or frustration at Kristen in such a way so that everyone in the world can see. It reinforces the negativity inside me. It reinforces the negativity you may see. And, all in all, it's just not very helpful to anyone.
And there's a lesson learned the hard way in here. I hope it's been made clear. It's clear to me, at least.

So.. nuff said. Postity time.
hkellick: (Black and White)
Andrea Dworkin died. Up until yesterday, I never even heard the name before. I've gathered that if you were a feminist, you had, that she was an important, if controversial figure in feminism. That she had Beliefs (!) about pornography and equality in the bedroom.
I've never read her stuff. I've never read any feminist literature. I'm not sure what, if anything, that says about me.

I've come across as an arrogant asshole for at least 10 years of my life. I'm full of half-formed or ill-formed beliefs. If someone I respect or like has a belief, I tend to adopt it as my own, without ever thinking about it much. Or worse, especially my years in R.I.T., I developed beliefs based on projected anger at... these small stupid factions. I met the equivalent of Fluffy Wiccans in the feminist movement and the "Black Empowerment" movement and... fell into instant hate. And so therefore, feminists and blacks should shut their yap and stop bitching.

I recognize now that... college is a time of change. It's when we stop accepting every line our parents tell us and we try to start thinking for ourselves. We are swayed by new thoughts and new ideas. But... not all of us have the intelligence or the wisdom to really put our mind around some of these thoughts. Mostly, it seems like it becomes a chance to rage against the man (our parents) and what we felt they stood for.
College is the time for revolutions. We're young, we have the power, let's change the system! No more war, no more poverty, no more.. whatever.
Eventually we settle down, we get wiser, we begin to understand and accept others failings and that the system can move, but social movement is slow and revolutions come and go.

I've never really looked into some of these important social movements. I've never read Martin Luther King or Malcolm X or some of the important black leaders of the world. All I see is Chris Rock. I've never read Andrea Dworkin or Camille Paglia or... I honestly don't know who else. I wouldn't know.
I've always confined myself to the liberal.. middle-class white male way of thinking.
It wasn't purposeful. It was never "Fuck the women. What do they know?"

I think it's hard to read other's perspectives if I can't relate it to my own. I don't think I'd react any more positively to someone like Andrea Dworkin who I guess is popularly believed to have believed that all sex was rape than I would to anyone else who's telling the world how I am oppressing them.
I'm a number of things, but as far as *I* can tell, I'm not actively oppressing anyone. And I'm not sure I'm passively oppressing either as, when I vote, I always vote for more rights, for the more liberal viewpoint.
Unless supporting the system as stands and trying to change it from inside (the only way, I believe, to change the system is.. with the system itself) is passively oppressing someone.

Anyways....

I think I'm rambling again.

I think it would be right to try and read some new viewpoints, some new ways of viewing the world. Even if they aren't correct. But then I have no idea if they are correct or incorrect until I read it.

My mother once told me that Martin Luther King, nearly patron saint to a large number of people, before he died, started saying terrible things about jews. It was her supposition that MLK himself is one of the main reasons there's so much hatred between blacks and jews. I've never read those remarks (not really much of a shock. I don't imagine those are as easy to find as his "I have a dream" speech.) so I don't know if she's right and I don't know what I personally think about those comments.

I think that was the point to this post. I honestly don't know. If I'm being fair, I have.. no opinion on alot of important issues because I've never really done the research.
Maybe it's time to fix that.
hkellick: (Black and White)
So... only slightly more than a day since I started publicly talking about the whole Schiavo case and I already have to change my position!

Babbling... )
hkellick: (Lakes)
I do want to talk about the near breakup.. but later.. after it doesn't feel so close and so.. difficult.

So.. something completely different.

I went off to D.C. Saturday, to just spend some quality time by myself, something I probably haven't done an awful lot of, lately, for one reason or another. I vow, from this point forward, to find SOME way to spend some truly quality alone time, instead of me just vegging in front of the computer (which CAN be neat, but... isn't really quality, I don't think.): movies, concerts, museums... stuff like that.
It doesn't have to be every week, but... at least twice a month, I think.
I don't think I realized how much I missed it until there I was and.. I was enjoying myself and.. yeah.

ANYWAYS...
So I was in D.C. yesterday, off at the air and space museum. And, I somehow managed to fall in line with a tour. The tour was going through, at least the portion I caught, the space program.. from Apollo 11 (I caught them around the rocket), then the moon lander, and then the space shuttle.
Also, I caught a really crappy, but sorta thought-provoking five minute play about the Wright Brothers.

And it made me wonder..
100 years ago, two brothers from Ohio proved to the world that man COULD fly. Sustained, controllable flight.
35 years ago, two men "touched the face of god" by taking a scientific excursion to and onto the moon.

What's next? What unexplored fronteir do we go towards next? Mars?

I guess I feel that's what our generation is missing. You can certainly "blame" it on JFK, but our parents generation wanted very much to explore, to push back the unexplored fronteirs.

To our credit, my generation, our generation, did push back the boundaries of space, making instant communication between different ends of the planet not just some daydream, but a reality. I suppose that we CREATED a new reality to explore, the world wide web, the internet, the information superhighway.

But... the Internet doesn't inspire DREAMS the way that flying.. or going to the moon does.

What little kid dreams of being a cybernaut?

It's always been disappointing to me to know that NASA has all but given up on any programs to get us past the confines of the international space station. We've even decided to give in on Hubble. I love Hubble. Hubble has given us the chance to truly see the awesomeness of space. And yet.. we've decided to give that up, as much, as Kristen mentioned, because of the cost of fixing it, as because of Columbia and now NASA requires that all space shuttles be able to dock with the space station.. just in case.

I think America needs to dream again. Give us something else to concentrate on besides war and hate and terrorism.

Mars or Bust. Mars by 2050.

On Relief

Dec. 30th, 2004 12:05 pm
hkellick: (Political)
It's interesting. There's been a lot of hub bub about the fact that many countries across the world are contributing to the effort to help out in Southeast Asia, including the U.S.A. What makes this interesting is that there's a great deal of criticism that the U.S., the richest nation in the world (?), is not giving as much as they could.

My first response is "Of course not. We can't even afford to put proper armor on our soldiers."

Until it struck me.
Maybe the U.S. isn't half as rich as we'd all like to think.

No, seriously. I know it goes against common sense and what you read about, but what if the U.S. is hurting and trying not to show it.
We went to war, but we can't afford to give our soldiers good armor, good health care etc.
It doesn't seem to be going towards making sure the intelligence we're gathering overseas is better.
Most of our education reforms are badly underfunded. Hell, most of our schools are badly underfunded.
Even George Bush has said that Social Security is in trouble.
We are running the biggest national debt we've ever run. Ever.

So.. seriously.. here's the question. Where's the money? What's the money drain?
Sure, it could be the tax breaks. We're definately losing money there.
It could be the war. I understand very little about where money going towards "The war effort" really goes. It's obviously NOT to the common soldier.

Where *IS* the money?

I have no idea what the answer is. I'd definately like to know the answer, though.
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
Hmmm...

Maybe I'm totally misreading this post. With the events of my own last week, it almost sounds as if this particular post is aimed directly at myself (well, not just myself, but...). If so, I can only apologize again for any pain caused by you and any of the people I consider my friends.

Believe me when I say I understand exactly what you mean. For the past five days, I've been in total conflict with myself. I'd like to say something, anything... to point out the inconsistincies from one post to another, to make nasty remarks at someone who makes nasty remarks at myself and my friends, to be able to say to someone "Look, I may be an asshole, but he's a bigger asshole." and yet I know to do so not only invites a continuation of the argument, but makes me the agressor.

Conventional wisdom, indeed your own wisdom suggests that the best thing to do is to ignore them, put on a sweet face and wish it would all go away.
This is NOT always appropriate, though.
To look at some famous examples of how bad an idea that is.. let's look at 9/11. We knew that the terrorists were out there. We let them be. We figured if we put on our happy faces and smiled, everything would take care of itself.
It didn't.
If you looked to World War II, Britain and France put on happy faces. Sure, sure, let Hitler have Poland. He can't get us. We're safe.
They weren't.
The problem is that it takes both points of view... yours *AND* mine to make the world go round. If we were all willing to let things be, then we'd all be dead, simple as that. Someone would have ceased power and simply destroyed everyone who was not like or with them.
For five days straight, I've been listening to not one but an overwhelming amount of people telling me that the best thing to do is ignore things, let them go away. After all, I'm hardly guiltless. But the fact is, by doing so, we simply line ourselves up for the next time. By doing no action, you allow all the pain and suffering to occur again.. in, however long, a few days, a few weeks, maybe a few months.
But nothing will have changed, you see.
And in some time or other... war again.
Life is run by politics. Bickering, Arguing, War.. it's the way life works. You can't hope it simply goes away, because it doesn't. Pretending it will, hoping it will... lines you up as easy targets to be hurt.

It's NEVER just an argument between just two people. It never was. You may want to think it was, that "dirty tricks" force other people to get involved, but that's pure bologna. People get involved because they choose to... to manuever themselves into a better position, to fight with their allies or simply because they feel that everything would be better if they argued that position. Whatever their reasons, people always involve themselves.
When Stebe wrote his famous post, 6 people spoke up. They didn't have to, but they chose to, of their own volition. 6 people went and got involved for, whatever their reasons were. No one was pulled in. No one was told "if you love me, you would defend them.". They posted because they wanted to.
Every time an argument occurs, whether between friends or over broader issues like abortion, education and war, we choose sides. It's instinctive. You look at one side and you look at the other and you decide who is right and who is wrong. No one forces you to do it, it's just something you do. You may be open-minded on your opinion, but the opinion is formed anyways.

I'm not saying I have The Answer. I'm not saying that my point of view is any better than yours, but to really come up with any source of sensible action, you need to step back, consider the case by itself and then find a solution that all parties can live with. You can't just ignore it and hope it goes away. Nor is rash action the best choice. I think the only sensible choice is a case-by-case compromise. Sit down and come up with a solution that all parties can live with.

Keep in mind, when you ignore the bully and don't let him get to you, sure he may leave YOU alone, but he's still a bully and he'll just find someone else to bully. You may have taken yourself out of the picture, but you haven't actually fixed the problem.
Sometimes respect must not only be earned with the olive twig and dove, but with the fist and the knife. Because that's the sort of imperfect world we live in and not everyone is wise and mature and good.
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
Adelphia's been really shitty again lately. Couldn't get to my email for the longest time yesterday. Now it's 2:15 PM on a Friday afternoon and I'm still not getting anything. Not email, not a line out to Chaotic, not even LJ.
And I despise being on hold.
Well, now I have email, but no LJ and no Chaotic.
Grrr...
Anyways, this wasn't going to be the focus of my post.

For those of you curious, I just got back from Fiddler. The dinner was.. lacking somewhat. The place was too fancy.. they had expensive food, but it wasn't particularly filling. It wasn't ENOUGH for the LITE-Belly.
The show was good though. Unfortunately, the seats left something to be desired. We were in the lower balcony and we had NO leg room! UGH!
But it was a good show. :)

And now... Purple Toupee will show the way (when winter gets you down?)... )
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
As it turns out, I have time to write a last entry for the year 2001.
Goodbye 2001. Tootles. Hasta. Sionarra.

So the family and I went to Eva Niles's funeral today. I didn't like it. I didn't like the rabbi. In general, I really dislike funerals. When my grandfather, Bobby, died a couple years ago, however, his ceremony was very poignant. The rabbis (there were two) and speakers reminded us not only of who Bobby was, but they didn't get all "O Lord whose fury is powerful, whose love is eternal and whose schlong is about the size of nebraska". It was poignant without being overreligious.
Much like Bobby himself.
Eva's... wasn't. I think I was turned off for sure near the end when the Rabbi spoke something akin to "and even though (son and daughter) have been made orphans in this world and her five grandchildren are all without their Nana..."
Eva will never die. She lives on.. in her son and daughter, in her grandchildren and in the many lives she touched. Death is sad... but to point out that, yes, Eva is gone.. that seems.. cruel. I might just be oversensitive, though.

I dunno. When I die, I've said.. I don't want a funeral, but a party to celebrate who I was. I'd want all my family and all my friends invited. And anyone else who felt I touched their life in some positive way.
That's how I'd like to go out. Funerals are depressing.
On the other hand, even if the service is depressing, it's always good to have the after-funeral lunch with the family to remember the deceased and to bond as a family. Because funerals aren't simply about remembering the deceased, but also about bonding as a family. I'm not completely sure why.. it might simply be a natural part of the cycle of life. Just as births are a time for family, so are deaths.

Back to the funeral, on the other hand of the experience was Dave who was openly crying. When we went up to say hello, he hugged hard and even as he left clutched my arm as if to say "I'm so glad you're here to lean on when I need it."
It touched me down the very core of my being.
I know he felt that way. He said so, even as I called him once or twice a day to make sure he was alright (and generally made a pest of myself.) but that touch spoke volumes more than the words ever did.
And so the New Year closes on a good day... because with that touch I know... I've done good.
Yay me :)
Actually, I think due to that (and some possible help from a very grateful Dave) I got a blast of instant Karma. Three things have happened...
1) My mom has three days of school off. What that means is that we can go and get Sherlock at 11:00 on wednesday when the SPCA opens. This gives him time to get used to us people before we take him to the vets at 6:30.
2) Just as I laid down to take a nappy, Al (my mechanic called). He's found the problem, replaced the part and though it cost a pretty penny, my car is HOME and appears to be working properly :D
3) It seemed for a while like my plans were to go out and watch a movie with my mother. What I WANTED to do was have a small party.. me, Dave, Carl, Carl's girlfriend and a few other small friends. I'll have to deal with Jeremy and the boyfriend, whom I don't like, but a small party is, indeed, on. This is yay :)
LITEY is happy :)
LITEY done good. :)

What a year!
What will next year bring? Hopefully nothing as horrific as 9/11. Hopefully a great year.
Then again, if I can live up to my New Years Resolution of (unsurprisingly) losing the other 59 lbs. (weight is 259, by n by) and being 200 and going to Darien Lake and riding the roller coasters and FITTING in them PROPERLY, it may very well be :)

Happy New Year to all of you.
May next year be better than this year.
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
I'm going to bust it Socratic style.
Word to your (Great)^200 Grandmother.
With all due haste

Busting it Socratic Style )
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
Not a whole lot to report. I got the car back... the night I brought it home it stalled out twice. My mother suggested I try some dry gas. So I filled it up with the ultra l33t gas (the 92% Octane Stuff) (ha! listen folks.. just because the pump clicks off doesn't mean it's filled up with gas! Oh well :P ) and some dry gas and finally got around to getting that oil change I needed this month. I think it's running better. That is good. That helps make LITE happy.

Other things that make LITE happy is his Happy Light. Despite the childish title, the happy light actually exists. Around this time of year when the sun stops appearing and I see alot of cold and cloudy weather, it gets to me. I suffer from seasonal depression. The non-drug antidote to this is to get a full-spectrum light (the problem is the majority of lights are mostly yellow light. But what I need is pure white light.) It used to be I needed special fluorescent bulbs and something to hold it in near my desk downstairs (where the computer is) but GE just came out with some full-spectrum bulbs that fit into a normal incadescent plug. So I bought two.. one for the basement and one for my bedroom
I honestly feel the difference already. Before I got them, I was thoroughly miserable and grumpy and hated this wet nasty weather.
I still hate the wet nasty weather but I feel bouncier and more "LITE"ish.
*shrugs* I dunno either. I don't know why I need the full-spectrum light and what kind of effect (whether it's purely mental or physiological as well) it has on me, but it DOES Make a difference.

That said, going over the last couple posts and a fight between Stebe@ChaoticMUX and myself, I still think Stebe is being an ass.
Maybe Stebe needs a happy light too.

And now for the topic of discussion.
Are you ready?
Is Christianity outdated? Can Christianity hope to compete with 21st century morals?

The reason this came up is [livejournal.com profile] nissacrosseyed's last post in which she complains about being labeled as a christian. I don't think it's SIMPLY that she's christian. Alot of my people are. I think it might be more that she's devoutly christian.
I, personally, know of very few truly devout christians. Not only is stephanie christian, but she's a TRUE christian compared to these screwy right-wing extremists who are off trying to ban Harry Potter and Tinky-Winky. I define a REAL
christian as someone who lives by the tenets of Christ. (Instead of the tenets of the church. The two can be vastly different in certain respects.)
I respect real christians. I respect people who love thy neighbors, who abide by the golden rule, who attempt to do everything they can to make humanity a better race.
I don't respect the other so-called christians who are about small-minded hate, censorship. People who live petty, hate-lived lives.
That said, I also only respect REAL Jews, REAL Wiccans and REAL Buddhists instead of other people using their religious values to spread hate, censorship and pain.
Anyways... the topic of conversation stands.
IS Christianity outdated? Or, as joked about in movies such as "Dogma", does Christianity need a complete overhaul (a third coming of Christ or what not to remind people what Christianity is REALLY about.)
Please feel free to reply to that one.
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
Ah, Thanksigiving. The season for family, homemade dinners and thanks-giving.

What are you thankful for?
I'm thankful for many things.

  • I'm thankful I actually got the chance to start graduate school and the fiscal resources to pay for it (no matter how much I bitch about being a TA, I have to look on that bright side. It also pays my tuition.)
  • I'm thankful for a healthy family and four healthy cats. And, at the same time
  • I am thankful for the time I DID spend with little Merlin
  • I am thankful for all the friends who've stuck with me through the thick and the thin, the good and the bad.
  • I am thankful to ChaoticMUX for simply continuing to exist. Alot of people may think it's dead or dying, but you know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is that I know that when I need friends to be with (whether in a good mood or bad), that they all congregate there.
  • I am thankful I finally "saw the LITE" and started working on my weight, and that I've done so well so far.


OK, enough with the soppiness.

So I did get paid yesterday. Given that I had the majority of the day off, I went off and did a bunch of errands. Gassed up the car, got some salad, got some shoes, some of my flavored water, an ice scraper, picked up some certified mail, bought the Jim Carrey "Grinch" DVD for myself and rented " Planet of the Apes" for mom, and bought a game "The Incredible Machine: Even More Contraptions". I also got a free sweatshirt as I'm a UBEESC officer (the sweatshirt is from one of the parent associations: the Air and Waste Management Association.) and it looks quite nice :) Got the theory behind my final project for groundwater all figured out too (I think), so.. as you can tell, it was a busy day.

I doubt today will be half as busy. We're probably going to watch "Planet of the Apes" and I'll do laundry either today or tommorow.. otherwise i'll probably play The Incredible Machine.. or maybe Zoo Tycoon.. or maybe The Sims.
I LOVE Choices :D

There are two negative aspects to the day: #1: The Gym is closed for today and tommorow. This bothers me alot. As most of you know, the gym is my big secret to weight loss. As long as I work out (alot) in it, I feel like I'm at LEAST doing the things I need to do to lose weight. Also.. with the fact that i JUST stopped plateauing, I don't REAL:LY want to go back.
Of course, what happens happens.. I don't intend to curtail my eating habits. I LOVE Thanksgiving dinner. So.. whatever. Hopefully I don't gain weight. If I do, hopefully (most likely) it isn't much and I can lose it more or less just as easily.

#2: The Family Dinner. I DO love Thanksgiving Dinner... I love Turkey and Mashed Potato and Sweet Potato Pie and all of it. But today dinner will be strained. Why, you ask? Surely you aren't so obsessive you'll let your diet get in the way?? No. It's not that. It's my brother Marc. As a quick reminder for those of you who don't know the entire backstory.. Marc is the black sheep of the family. His adventures in the world (if anyone know what they all were and not the bits and pieces we get from phone calls and letters) would make a hell of a movie. Drugs, Gangs, Sex, Possible Fatherhood, being almost injured by a car bomb in Israel, finding religion etc.

My life may seem dull and drab by comparison, but I wouldn't switch lives for the world. I AM intelligent enough to stay away from drugs and gangs. I doubt I'd EVER go to Israel (if I had money to visit something, it'd be Great Britain and Ireland) and as for religion.. well... I'm pagan, but I don't go around wearing a pentacle, a ceremonial robe and having private pagan ceremonies before dinner. I have no trouble with the fact he's gone ultra-conservative Jewish EXCEPT for the fact that you can't be a good jew and break the 10 commandments the way he does continuously. If he became a good person who could even think about other people not himself and remained ultra-conservative.. more power to him. Until then... it's just a big joke.

And then Friday, we get to see the dear brother for a "Family portrait" my father wants us all to pose for. Here i'll be, in contacts, nice haircut, just lost 30 lbs.. I'll look pretty good. Marc will probably pose with his full length scraggly looking beard and his gang sign.. er.. I mean Jewish Star in front of his shirt.

Did you know in Buffalo the gang sign of one of the major gangs, the crips, is a Jewish Star? They have some reason for it... whatever.

Oh, and then after the pictures, we can all have lunch together and enjoy each other's sparkling company (gag gag gag. Don't like Marc. REALLY don't like my Stepmom. Dad is OK only when Elaine (the Stepmom) isn't on a rampage.)

Another set of thoughts I've been wondering lately... maybe it's the time of year or maybe it's my increased sensitivity to it, but has anyone else noticed that at least 50 or 60% of us want to lose weight?
I can see why the Diet industry is still booming.
And this leads me to another set of thoughts.
Why are we letting ourselves get so fat?
Once we become fat and try to lose weight, why can't we?
And once we LOSE the weight, why can't we keep it off?
I met a girl on Phat Chat last night who said she still needs to lose 250 lbs.
250 lbs!!
How can you DO that to yourself? How can you ALLOW yourself to balloon up that big?
There are plenty of valid and less-valid reasons, of course. Emotional eating is a big problem in a lot of people. People get into funks and start heading for the chocolate, cheesecake and marshmallow pies.
This just created a cycle. Get upset... eat alot of crap. Look in the mirror.. get upset.. eat more crap etc.
I've never really suffered from emotional eating. I did.. do.. eat while bored. I'll be bored and look for things to do.. so I'd grab a handful of chips or whatever.
At the same time, I didn't detest healthy food. I've always loved chicken, rice, vegetables.
250 lbs?? I didn't ask age. I don't think it MATTERS.
And this woman had been dieting on and off for a few years and had yo-yo'd that is.. taken some weight off and put it all back on.
Listen folks, dieting is NOT HARD! It's time-consuming, but not hard! If you think it's hard, you have the ABSOLUTE WRONG ATTITUDE and, chances are, you will fail and end off where you were or worse.
Attitude is everything.
First off... for those of you (and this seems to be ESPECIALLY women) who "need to lose 5 lbs. so I can get back into that swimsuit" or "lose 10 so I can look good for the school reunion." Don't bother, you'll fail. Or if you succeed to take the poundage off, you'll put it right back on again right afterwards, which in my book still means you've failed because you'll have to go back and do it again.
Dieting shouldn't be about vanity.. well, vanity alone in any case.
You can't lose pounds just to look good.
The only way you will succeed is to look towards more loftier goals: total physical fitness and good cardiovascular health.
Did you know your metabolism slows down a bit every year? Hence, if you never change your eating habits in 70 years, you'll still gain some poundage.
There are ways to fix this, of course... exercise. Metabolism is based on many many things... sex, age, background conditions (race, parentage etc.) and lean body weight.. that is.. the weight of your body that ISN'T Fat.
Guess which of those things YOU can fix?
That's right... just pumping iron for half an hour three or four days a week will increase your metabolsim. Muscle definately counts as lean mass. And it is NOT HARD to gain muscle.
And while you're in the gym, working on your muscles.. why don't you consider some cardio? There are so many ways to get your heart pumping...walk, jog, run, swim, bicycle, climb stairs or use the elliptical machine in the gym. Cardio work strengthens your heart, strengthens your lungs and makes you fitter. You'll be able to be one of those people who can walk up a flight of stairs without needing a few minutes to catch your breath. You'll be able to be one of those people on the court playing tennis or raquetball while the unfit people look enviously at you from inside.
You'll feel more alive than you can possibly imagine unless you've been there. Unless you've gone from Immobile to Mobile.
And while you are on the court, exercising, making yourself healthier and stronger and fitter, your body uses up calories and burns off fat.
And if all you're looking for is to lose some fat.. just eat foods with less calories. Put down the cheesecake and pick up some cottage cheese. Put down the ice cream and pick up some iced grapes.
There's no trick here, folks. This is the only way guaranteed to work 100% of the time. Exercise more, eat better.
It will take time and it may be frustrating at times, but you WILL see the difference. The pounds will come off. You'll feel fitter, more alive, more vibrant and the whole time you will be getting healthier and healthier.
Have you ever noticed how fit people get sick less than unfit people? There are reasons. Ever notice how that old man on the courts playing raquetball tends to have less problems with cholesterol levels than the old man on the couch watching TV?

And you need to do this for yourself. Don't do it because you think other people want you to be thin. Don't do this to get even with that boy who said he'd NEVER date a fat girl like you. Do it for yourself.. for your health and for your self.
Otherwise, you still fail. Because you WON'T keep the pounds off.
As Fred over at Phat Man would say... the only secret to success is to live like a fit, healthy person who doesn't have the weight you want to lose. Me? I'm trying to live like a fit, healthy 200 lb. man. To get into the habits I hope to take with me when I finally reach 200: exercise, weight lifting and eating better.
That when when I finally reached 200.. there's no adjustment. I'll already be eating normally.. I'll already be exercising normally (Honestly, I'll probably cut down on the exercise a bit when I finally get to 200... go for half an hour of cardio a day instead of an hour. But.. we'll see. I'm not there yet.) And that is how you succeed... because getting there was pretty easy.. you ate and exercised.. and staying there is just as easy. Maybe easier because you're used to it.

Wow, this post got long.

Well.. I'll mention one more thing and call it quits.
I've given myself a new long term plan. I'm going to try to reach 250 by January 1st of next year. I may be able to reach it. I may not. But that's my new long term goal. I'm not TOO Far away.. only about 17 lbs.. and I have 6 weeks to do it. It'll be close one way or the other.

That's all. Have a good Thanksgiving!

GRRR!

Jul. 24th, 2001 10:50 am
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
The damned Baltimore server is piffy today. That keeps making my connection from here to ChaoticMUX piffle off. *unhappy look* So I keep losing it.. even in the middle of a decently good conversation.
The topic of the conversation: what makes people certain what sex you are online. I was recently informed by a newbie on ChaoticMUX that she thought I was a girl. Why? First off, my name, LITE.. apparently a female-sounding name (how, I dun get) and that my default picture used to be Smokey, my lap-fungus (aka the gray cat) ( I was informed that, supposedly, men like dogs and women like cats. What the heck is that? I like cats AND dogs. Both are outstanding pets for different reasons.). Then the conversation turned into people who roleplay on places like MUDs as the opposite sex (The majority of these people being male pretending to be female). Then he mentioned that he KNEW they were men because they talked male. I guess that one, more than the rest of the conversation, got my attention. How does a male TALK? *boggles* Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find, for myself, a satisfactory answer to how men talk, simply because I can think of many cases of women who can talk just as down and dirty as men.
This all stems from my personal belief that the only difference between men and women are those that society puts on us (well, and the obvious physical differences, but with the correct clothes/surgery, physical differences can be changed). I was informed sometime this past week by a friend that, being male, we got the short end of the hormone stick. I disagree. I know many women who are as horny as your average male, even hornier.
I dunno. Like I said, I think the only differences are the ones we put on ourselvesor that society puts on us.
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
I'm feeling... thoughtful. Not necessarily good or bad, but thoughtful. I just talked to arabella, one of my best friends (since 1993... it's amazing to think we've known each other for 8 years..) about Kareila, another really good friend.
It's just amazing how much we've all changed in 8 years. We've all been in situations where we NEEDED the other two just to keep our sanity.. in the end, despite our personal differences, we seem to just balance each other out in an almost yin-yangish sort of way...
But time has passed... Kareila has become.. grown up. Alot more antisocial. She's still a good person and a good friend but not at all as crazy and amusing as she once was and never seems to spend much time online anymore (due to work and, I think, the fact that she finds more enjoyment in doing nononline things like sewing and watching college football).
arabella has grown up to become a great person (as well as a microbiogeek) in a relationship she seems to simulaneously love and hate and, though I've never seen them together, I'm told those two fit together like two peas in a pod.
And me? Well, I guess I'll leave that for someone else to decide. I know where *I* think I've change, but maybe what I think has changed hasn't.
Time changes the nature of everything.
You can't blame it... by summarizing what I've summed up, I've neglected to mention 8 years of history. Approximately an entire third of each of our lives... PLENTY of things have happened in 8 years, things that have changed us to our very core. We've grown up, found ourselves (or not) in college and strove to become things we did or did not become. We've formed new attachments, affected hundreds of lives (and been affected ourselves by those same hundreds)
I dunno.
I dunno where to go with this post anymore. I guess I'll just end it instead.
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
OK, so Tim McVeigh is dead. It surprises me how vocal EVERYONE has been about what a craven coward he was. I've never heard the press be so vocal about anyone before.. Ted Bundy, Saddam Hussein. Tim McVeigh was a hated man.. and rightly so. He was an American tourist who killed 136 completely innocent people to protest.. WHAT? His crime was so much worse than what he protested against...
What really saddens me, though, is the realization that Oklahoma City is probably going to be the defining moment in so many of our generation's lives. It's the moment that people in the future can go and define our generation by... the total senseless violence. Well, either that or Columbine.
Our generation is defined by senseless violence. It's sad.
Our parents lived the American Dream. They lived in a time where the worst thing that could happen was a family fight, but within a 30 minute TV show it would all be patched up and that was the end of it until the next episode. People could leave their doors unlocked and America was a place where everyone had a chance to get a job. Nowadays, parents say a prayer that their children won't be shot in school.
Where did things go so very wrong?
*Sigh*

December 2015

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