Happy Mother Fuckers Day.

[hkellick]

This has not been a good day.
It could have been. Maybe it should have been. But my father ruined it for me.

Part of it is the weather. For those not living in or around Buffalo, we're in the middle of a cold snap. It's been unseasonably cold and rainy every day in May. Part of me is very upset about this. I should be wearing shorts and t-shirts and enjoying the somewhat sunny weather. Today it was so cold that I had to wear jeans and a sweatshirt, it was so fucking cold.
Bloody weather. God damned Buffalo weather.
Looking at the www.weather.com, it's not supposed to get up to 70 degrees even over the next 10 days.
Bloody Hell.
*sigh*

Actually, all in all, it wasn't too bad. We watched Ocean's 11 and had dinner with grandma and her friend Dorothy and made plans for Aida on Saturday (did I mention I'm going to see Aida Saturday afternoon? I am. I'm excited.)
But before dinner, dad called. I answered, he said "Is Josh there?". He never asked "How was graduation?" or "I wish I could have been there." No interest whatsoever in me. And I'm furious.
I'm still his firstborn son. In my mind, even if we didn't have much of a relationship, he should still care enough that I've graduated.
Hell, his own parents cared more about it than he did!
It's one thing to be angry that I didn't officially invite him, but if this is how he handles it...
I doubt I can explain the shear hate I feel for the man at the moment. This is the straw that broke the camel's back.
I can't begin to explain just how angry and upset and hurt I am. But this is it... I want nothing to do with that bastard again. This is it!
*sigh*

Something else is bothering me, but this is much more minor than my father. Something my mother and grandmother both said. I'm 239 now and they both said I should stop losing weight and maintain.
I look at myself and.. I'm still overweight. Not grossly, but overweight. I desire to be THIN. Am I a freak?
I at least want to be the healthy weight of about 200 and they're both like "you shouldn't lose the extra 40 pounds." This boggles my mind. Why shouldn't I? I look pretty good at 240, but *I* think I'll look better at 200... so why shouldn't I lose it?
I dunno... I'm going to lose that 39 lbs. if I can. Then we'll see.
Because, in the end, what my mother and grandmother doesn't matter. I'm the one that has to look at my body in the mirror every day and I'm the one who benefits the most from it. So it's my choice.
I dunno why they both think I shouldn't lose it, though...

Anyways... I'll post this.

Comments

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

It sounds like your grandmother and mother are likely worried about you. It sounds like you know what you're doing, but a lot of people aren't very smart/educated about weight loss.
If you're worried about it, or even if you want to assauge their worries some, talk to a doctor about it. If you're not worried about it, lose it if you want to. Like you said, you're the one that benefits.
*snugs* I know what you mean about bad family situations. Some people just truly suck.

[lite.livejournal.com]

I did consult the doctor the last time I was in to get medicine for my ear infection, less on a healthy weight and more on the actual diet. Like I said to vissith, all my sources (Online and in book form) suggest that the approximate weight range of 160-205 is healthy for a 6'4" man. Going by the Body Mass Index, I'm still at a BMI of 29.2 and healthy weight starts at 24.9. This makes me overweight without being obese.
I'm not worried about it. It's my family that, apparently, is...

[vissith.livejournal.com]

As long as your doctor says 200 is fine, go to 200. If your doctor says, don't go below 210, don't go below 210.

They are probably worried that now that you are losing weight you might go anorexic on them (yes, guys do this). As long as you stick to your guns and stop losing weight when you get to your doctor-approved goal, you're fine.

[lite.livejournal.com]

My sources (I haven't specifically asked the school doctors because there's no need) all say that healthy weight for a 6'4" man is between approximately 160 and 205. Hence, 200 is on the high end of that range (which is why I may try for the extra 20 lbs. if/when I get to 200, but being a guy with big bones, it may not be worth it. I'll see when I get to 200.)
And while I realize it's POSSIBLE for a man to get Anorexia Nervosa, it's by and large improbable. And anyways, I don't think you can eat the way I do (Chicken Wings, Cheeseburgers and Chocolate) and still be Anorexic. Nor do I purge or exercise to extremes, so I'm not Bulimic

[vissith.livejournal.com]

Dude, I'm not even 6'1" and I weigh 160 lbs. Most people consider that to be pretty light. If you have a heavy build, 160lbs is definitely way too little weight at your height, at least that's my feeling.

Checking with a doc before wasn't so important because 300 lbs is a lot at your height, pretty much a given. But now that you are rapidly losing weight, it might be a good idea to get a check-up, make sure you're still healthy from the weight loss, and see how much farther and how fast the doc recommends going. Granted, doctors aren't oracles, and you can always ignore him, but it'd still be a good idea (and put your family at ease to hear 'doc says 200 is fine').

I have 6'4" uncles. I think they all weigh well over 200 lbs. They aren't especially fat either, especially one of them, who is over 200lbs of scary brick (he used to be a bouncer).

[lite.livejournal.com]

Alright. I'll ask a doctor when I have a chance what he or she thinks.

[pupcake.livejournal.com]

Why don't you ask your family why they think you should stop losing weight? They might actually think that you look great now, rather than them being worried about your becoming anorexic or unhealthy or whatever.

[lite.livejournal.com]

I'll ask, but I suspect that you are right and she thinks that I look good enough at 240. The problem is that I don't agree with her and think I'd look better thinner. I still have a fair amount of fat around my middle and legs. I'd like to try and lose it, if I can.