Future Tense (Both Future and Tense)
May. 22nd, 2002 10:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hkellickFirstly, before I start the main part of this post, I want to comment on my emotional state yesterday.
Alot of you noted how unfair it was of me to sulk and be jealous that most of my friends were in Seattle and I wasn't. I agree, it was unfair. That said, I did it anyways. A part of me realizes that there'll be other parties and other "Big ChaoticMUX Bashes" that I MAY get a chance to go to, but.. this one was special.
I've been trying to get to Seattle to see my friends up there for three years. I have a ton of friends in Seattle (ChaoticMUXers, all) that I would love to meet. Yes, I will (hopefully) be meeting Marky and Scottydoggie in August and for that I am both excited and thankful. But I'd love to meet Soreth and Aldar and Aello and Destiny and Nissa and Charlotte and whoever else would like to meet little ol' me.
Actually, as amusing as this is, a good part of why I'm upset is Josh (on Chaotic. Not my brother.). When I heard that he'd snuck up there and gotten to meet Soreth and all that jazz... it just... straw that broke the camel's back.
Anyways, let's get to the bulk of this posting.
The future.
I've been thinking alot about the future lately. Since graduation, actually. I've sacrificed alot for it. I think it'll be worth it when I can finally move out of family's home, get my own apartment and live an independent life.
I've got sort of a hate-love relationship with living at home. I love my family. I love being able to do things with my family, like go to movies and plays and stuff. It's much preferable than doing them myself (which I would do if I wanted to see the movie/play etc.) but living at home can be an extreme pain in the ass. Because I have a very rigid home schedule. I'm expected to be at home nearly every night by a reasonable hour so that i can take part in the daily errands or dinner. Or I have to take special nights off at least once every two weeks for.. Josh's next concert or some such family obligation I'm usually not the least bit interested in. Let's not also forget the multiple of chores I'm responsible for that aren't all my own. (When i finally live alone, there will be some chores I'll have to pick up.. specifically scooping and emptying out cat litter. But, for the most part, my mother feels that as she's the breadwinner of the house, she's not responsible for doing much other work, and we have to pick up after her.)
I reckon that life out of my family's home will be quite a bit different than it is now. Which may be good or bad.
Money's another thing. As a starting engineer who's gone through graduate school and (assumedly) passed his EIT, I'll be in a position to demand a nice salary. I'll have money to be able to pay for and save for things. It's true that money can't buy you true happiness, but the proper application of the green stuff most certainly can get you started. The thing is, for the most part, I already pay all of my expenses: clothes, food, car insurance, cable modem, gas, plus money to buy my movies and plays and games and CDs and stuff. The only thing I don't currently pay for is rent and electricity/water/gas bills. I'd be making approximately four times what I make now, which means I'd (assumedly) be able to pay all my bills, but save up money for things like a new car or a house or a vacation to.. wherever.
But at the same time, being grown up will make it less easy to do things like go on vacation. I have no idea whether the job I'll get is a job where I'll have to go to certain conferences or not. It seems that a starting engineer probably wouldn't be expected to go to certain conferences, but I have no idea. But I know that my free time, if I have any, will be short, because it seems that in the real world, if you want to get anywhere, you don't work a 40 hour week.. you work.. whatever you're needed. This has me concerened, honestly. I've never worked 40 hours on any engineering project. I work four hours a day or so now. And I don't work 4 hours straight. I work on something for two, two and a half hours, get up, walk around a bit, get a drink, come back and try to figure out what I need to do next. I have to wonder if I'll be able to work these long shifts. Will I suddenly be able to sit down and work and work and work? I would like very much to be a good young engineer, but I have to look at myself and ask... do I have it? I have the raw intelligence. I know it and even my professors have mentioned it once or twice. My technical writing skills are... OK.. as are my presentation skills. Not great, not terrible. Probably average for an incoming engineer. My people skills... are lacking. Do I have what it takes to be a good engineer?
Other questions.
Let's say I get a job somewhere near Buffalo, as I plan to. Am I ready to pull up my roots here and move off to Syracuse or Pittsburgh or.. wherever? (I'm just giving city names. I've no idea yet.) How do I bring my cats there? My stuff? How much of my stuff do I take?
These may all seem like stupid questions, but the fact is, I'm both ready and terrified of the future. I feel like I'm being forced to suddenly grow up and accept my mantle as a useful citizen.
I dunno.. my thoughts are whirling, so I'll just end this post.
Hasta.
Alot of you noted how unfair it was of me to sulk and be jealous that most of my friends were in Seattle and I wasn't. I agree, it was unfair. That said, I did it anyways. A part of me realizes that there'll be other parties and other "Big ChaoticMUX Bashes" that I MAY get a chance to go to, but.. this one was special.
I've been trying to get to Seattle to see my friends up there for three years. I have a ton of friends in Seattle (ChaoticMUXers, all) that I would love to meet. Yes, I will (hopefully) be meeting Marky and Scottydoggie in August and for that I am both excited and thankful. But I'd love to meet Soreth and Aldar and Aello and Destiny and Nissa and Charlotte and whoever else would like to meet little ol' me.
Actually, as amusing as this is, a good part of why I'm upset is Josh (on Chaotic. Not my brother.). When I heard that he'd snuck up there and gotten to meet Soreth and all that jazz... it just... straw that broke the camel's back.
Anyways, let's get to the bulk of this posting.
The future.
I've been thinking alot about the future lately. Since graduation, actually. I've sacrificed alot for it. I think it'll be worth it when I can finally move out of family's home, get my own apartment and live an independent life.
I've got sort of a hate-love relationship with living at home. I love my family. I love being able to do things with my family, like go to movies and plays and stuff. It's much preferable than doing them myself (which I would do if I wanted to see the movie/play etc.) but living at home can be an extreme pain in the ass. Because I have a very rigid home schedule. I'm expected to be at home nearly every night by a reasonable hour so that i can take part in the daily errands or dinner. Or I have to take special nights off at least once every two weeks for.. Josh's next concert or some such family obligation I'm usually not the least bit interested in. Let's not also forget the multiple of chores I'm responsible for that aren't all my own. (When i finally live alone, there will be some chores I'll have to pick up.. specifically scooping and emptying out cat litter. But, for the most part, my mother feels that as she's the breadwinner of the house, she's not responsible for doing much other work, and we have to pick up after her.)
I reckon that life out of my family's home will be quite a bit different than it is now. Which may be good or bad.
Money's another thing. As a starting engineer who's gone through graduate school and (assumedly) passed his EIT, I'll be in a position to demand a nice salary. I'll have money to be able to pay for and save for things. It's true that money can't buy you true happiness, but the proper application of the green stuff most certainly can get you started. The thing is, for the most part, I already pay all of my expenses: clothes, food, car insurance, cable modem, gas, plus money to buy my movies and plays and games and CDs and stuff. The only thing I don't currently pay for is rent and electricity/water/gas bills. I'd be making approximately four times what I make now, which means I'd (assumedly) be able to pay all my bills, but save up money for things like a new car or a house or a vacation to.. wherever.
But at the same time, being grown up will make it less easy to do things like go on vacation. I have no idea whether the job I'll get is a job where I'll have to go to certain conferences or not. It seems that a starting engineer probably wouldn't be expected to go to certain conferences, but I have no idea. But I know that my free time, if I have any, will be short, because it seems that in the real world, if you want to get anywhere, you don't work a 40 hour week.. you work.. whatever you're needed. This has me concerened, honestly. I've never worked 40 hours on any engineering project. I work four hours a day or so now. And I don't work 4 hours straight. I work on something for two, two and a half hours, get up, walk around a bit, get a drink, come back and try to figure out what I need to do next. I have to wonder if I'll be able to work these long shifts. Will I suddenly be able to sit down and work and work and work? I would like very much to be a good young engineer, but I have to look at myself and ask... do I have it? I have the raw intelligence. I know it and even my professors have mentioned it once or twice. My technical writing skills are... OK.. as are my presentation skills. Not great, not terrible. Probably average for an incoming engineer. My people skills... are lacking. Do I have what it takes to be a good engineer?
Other questions.
Let's say I get a job somewhere near Buffalo, as I plan to. Am I ready to pull up my roots here and move off to Syracuse or Pittsburgh or.. wherever? (I'm just giving city names. I've no idea yet.) How do I bring my cats there? My stuff? How much of my stuff do I take?
These may all seem like stupid questions, but the fact is, I'm both ready and terrified of the future. I feel like I'm being forced to suddenly grow up and accept my mantle as a useful citizen.
I dunno.. my thoughts are whirling, so I'll just end this post.
Hasta.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-05-22 02:29 pm (UTC)