hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
Two posts in one! Wooo!

Reflective Post: 

I found myself poking through my old dw entries this Monday while I was waiting for someone to rerun HEC-GeoRAS (It's a work thing) and, long story short, ended up stumbling upon the ChaoticMUX website (which I assumed would be down, but apparently it isn't.)

I instantly felt that usual sense of nostalgia, about a place and time in my past where despite a number of crappy things going on (many of them mentally), I had a small place on the internet that felt like home, more like home than my actual home. 

I think remembering those times, those important times in my past just sends me into reflection mode. I sit here thinking about how much I've changed (I have. If nothing else, I've been able to clear my headpsace and get my life together. And I've mellowed. Manic silliness is not my first gear when I hop on the internet.) and how much the people I know have changed.

If I regret any single thing, it's losing touch with many of the people I was friendly with back then, or pissing them off enough they have nothing more to say to me. 


Excited Gaming Post:

I've been looking around to see if there was a game, preferably a small, indie game (I get more bang for my buck. I can still get a great game, but half or a third of the cost) I was interested in for my birthday. I think I've settled on preordering Torchlight 2. i have the first one, and enjoy it, but the second one LOOKS even better, like they were taking notes when Diablo 3 news came out and decided to try to come up with something to match.

Torchlight is a dungeon hack and slash. Literally, you go deeper and deeper into a dungeon underneath the city of Torchlight and find bigger and badder and nastier badies to beat. The game features some of the original staff of Diablo 2 and you can tell.  The game very much has a Diablo 2 feel to it.

Torchlight 2 is coming out.. soon. "Summer of 2012" says the website, though I'd assume if that's true, the game has to be going gold soon. So we'll see. It looks like more of the same, but with improvements. First of all, Multiplayer, which might be good. Second of all, the game is bigger, which is definitely good. And thirdly, the side dungeons are actually off the main areas and not some silly "Click the Mysterious Map Piece and see where you go" tricks they used in the original.

And I happen to love hack and slash. If Blizzard didn't keep fiddling with Diablo 3, I'd likely still be playing that. But they keep making changes and I feel like.. the game WAS amazing when it was released, but then they kept making changes and now it isn't, really. The game is worse than it was at release and since release was.. three months ago? I'm so unimpressed I can't bother to play. 

Anyways, I've been watching the Yogscast boys playing the Beta of Torchlight 2 on Youtube and watching them, my thoughts are: GIMME GIMME GIMME! :D

hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
K has had the Cold of Doom (if it's a cold. Maybe it isn't) since last Wednesday. What started out as a sort throat and stuffy nose has gone into an ugly cough and blood shot eyes.

Friday morning, she hit her limit. The baby had been fussy during the night and she was tired and sick and blah. She begged me to stay home and help with the boy, so I checked my PTO and made it happen.

Amusingly, Friday morning while unable to sleep, I was busy thinking of a game I hadn't played in a while, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. I hadn't played it.. probably in over a year and I suddenly wanted to play it.

So Friday, while K and the baby slept and watched TV, I played. And played. And played.

Saturday was better, in general. K still had (has) the sick of doom, but the baby was less fussy, at least. We didn't do much, but we enjoyed what we did do.

Sunday, the sick got worse. She woke up coughing like crazy. We had thought of going to Babies R Us to get a swing, but we didn't. We sat and watched TV instead (I found a red box and rented "Time Traveler's Wife" for her. She enjoyed it.) and took care of the baby.

Sunday night, about 7 (as I was beginning to feel tired.), [personal profile] kareila calls to remind me that ChaoticMUX is going down "for good" (except maybe not.)
Cut )

Yesterday, the Squirm had an Orthopedist appointment and I wanted to be there for that. The Orthopedist felt very positive about Mr. Robert. He moved his palm, his fingers, his wrists, his neck. She noticed movement between the thumb and pinky which could be used later to help him learn how to do things two handed. All in all, she felt very positive he'd grow to learn how to use two hands. She said she didn't need to see him again until he was a year old, and then only to start training us, her parents, on how to train him on how to use both hands properly.

Got home from the appointment, K went to sleep and when she woke up she screamed for me to come up. Her eyes had gummed together and she was freaking out that she could have pinkeye. She ended up calling her mom who suggested that it was probably the same sick she's had for six days today and that it had infected her eyes, which is not good, but a whole lot better than pinkeye.

(Meanwhile, though all of this, while K is suffering this horrid cold, I've had the occasional sore throat and runny nose, but nothing half so horrible as her. Knock in wood that it stays this way and we can figure out (or the doctor can offer suggestions on) how to strengthen her immune system.

Today, I am back at work. I have real work to do. Today, my wife is going to the doctors to check out the cold (if it is a cold.)

That's pretty much it from over here.

EDIT: I also joined [personal profile] liv's friending meme over here.

On Chaotic

Nov. 11th, 2007 04:59 am
hkellick: (LITE)
It's god-awful in the morning and I'm tossing and turning, my mind full of thought

So, I thought I'd try to put some of those thoughts down in writing and maybe get some sleep.

The ChaoticMUX party was, I'd say, everything I'd hoped it would be. I can honestly say that if Jen and Robby had taken the game down for good tonight, I'd be really really sad, but it would have been totally worth it and, I think, the game would have wanted to go that way.
We talked, we played games, mainly we talked.

Hi, how are you, what are you doing now, can we still be friends?

That was the feeling I got most of all from the day, the realization that I really have no idea who most of the people on the other side of the keyboard are anymore. So much has CHANGED.

These people, most of them were my friends once, friends I cherished and love and got to know. You really get to know people over a bit of silliness and a few games because it was never just that. On talkers, people TALK.. about where they are, what they're doing, what's important to them. About life, love, and, occasionally, 42.

I know, for me, I came in with the attempt to try to mend a few fences as well. There were a few people I was good friends with, once upon a time, that I just drifted away from and I knew I missed them. It was good to reconnect again, at least a little.

What I guess is clear to me is.. I have no idea how I did that, how I kept up. Especially over multiple MUSHes. I remember there were days I was doing up to 3 MUSHes. How? I could barely keep up with one! Though to be fair, yesterday felt almost intense.. probably it was. The intensity of knowing that tomorrow, this place wasn't going to be here.

Farewell, old friend. Til next time.

Today... I try to get back to normal. Shop for food, cook, maybe even get into the gym, finish laundry.. and more sleep would be nice.
And then tomorrow... I go back to my social place of choice, where I can still be funny and silly and have fun with people I enjoy spending time with. And maybe see if work will let me download a reader on my computer so I can maybe actually keep up with LJ and the friends that are still very important to me, 12 or so years later. :)

One day... not too far from now. We need another Dorkathon. That would be nice. :)

The previous entry under this tag: ChaoticMUX Pie
hkellick: (LITE)
I don't know what posessed me to dreg this old parody out of the archives and see about updating it slightly (only slightly - it's one of my best parodies ever, I think.)

Half of you won't get this.
The other half probably won't care.

But for me.. and the two or three of you who might enjoy this:

ChaoticMUX Pie 2005 )
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
Adelphia's been really shitty again lately. Couldn't get to my email for the longest time yesterday. Now it's 2:15 PM on a Friday afternoon and I'm still not getting anything. Not email, not a line out to Chaotic, not even LJ.
And I despise being on hold.
Well, now I have email, but no LJ and no Chaotic.
Anyways, this wasn't going to be the focus of my post.

For those of you curious, I just got back from Fiddler. The dinner was.. lacking somewhat. The place was too fancy.. they had expensive food, but it wasn't particularly filling. It wasn't ENOUGH for the LITE-Belly.
The show was good though. Unfortunately, the seats left something to be desired. We were in the lower balcony and we had NO leg room! UGH!
But it was a good show. :)

And now... Purple Toupee will show the way (when winter gets you down?)... )
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
Guess who's back into the lives of ChaoticMUXers everywhere?
Our good friends, the MPU (MUSH Players Union)!
Well, not such very good friends...
actually, we're hardly friends at all...
For those not "in the know, the MUSH Players Union was someone's idea of a joke. Said twink, known as [ profile] luigi (yes, his journal *IS* empty. But regardless..) went around to various MU**s on Mudnet: Chaotic first, Evolution, M*U*S*H and pretty much any MUSH on MudNet hapless enough to have listed their adress. They went around pretend to be part of some MUSH Players Union, demanding to talk to players and staff and asking these inane questions.
Apparently, they were so amused at the respose that they decided to go on other places on Mudnet and cause havoc and destruction. They brought [ profile] solacechan's MUSH, Evolution, to it's knees.
And this was... oh, a year ago? Yeah... that sounds right.
So... imagine my surprise when I log on yesterday to see this...
============================== General Interest ==============================
Message: 6/34 Posted Author
The Twink Olympics Sun Feb 10 Guest1
The Twink Olympics are coming, Are You Twink Enough?

The 1st ever MU* Twink Olympics are currently be planned for mid-April of this year (2002). An OlympicBot has been added to your world. This bot is here to call all twinks, far and wide from across the fruited MU* plane, to compete for the title as The Greatest Twink Alive. Think you can win Gold in the multi-mu* spam-a-thon? How about Greatest Twink Log of the Year? All these events, and more, taking place on a MU* to be announced!

If you would like your MU* to be considered to host the Twink Olympics (and also to send an information bot like this one to it), simply page the connected OlympicBot with 'consider (name of mush/mux) (address) (port)' (if none is connected use mnsearch to find a world with a connected OlympicBot). To sign up to receive future information on the Olympics as the time draws closer, such as where they will be held and specifics event times, page this bot with 'info (your mu* aliases or name) (email address)'. To fully register as a contestant for the Twink Olympics follow the previous instruction, and await details in an future email.

I went and did a little exploring and went and reopened some old connections. And surprise or surprises, it's confirmed that, indeed, [ profile] luigi and the MPU Crew are behind this as well.
Add to this that, realistically, ChaoticMUX was probably a target for the Twink Olympics anyways. Luigi despises us.. and M*U*S*H and Evolution?
Need proof? Here's some quick information from 8bit, Luigi's home MUX...
---------------------------------> From 8bit <--------------------------------
A violent MUSH frequently engaged in civil wars and the occupation of peace-loving pacifist MU*s. Our sworn enemies are M*U*S*H, EvoMUX, and ChaoticMUX; and we despise anyone who wasn't born into our Family of Crime. Your current MUSH or MUX will now be invaded by our droids in order for us to learn how your MU* may better adapt to suit the needs of 8bitMUSH, resistance will result in the destruction of any MU* with your nickname in its database. Oh yeah, and we have no quota!

- The Friendly 8bit Staff
-----------------------------------> Done <-----------------------------------
Sure, it's a little... unbelievable.. but anyways...

So, I log in today to see that Josh had seen the following. If you page help to the idling guest, you get the following message...

Guest1 pages: The Twink Olympics are coming, Are You Twink Enough?

The 1st ever MU* Twink Olympics are currently be planned for mid-April of this year (2002). This bot is here to call all twinks, far and wide from across the fruited MU* plane, to compete for the title as The Greatest Twink Alive. Think you can win Gold in the multi-mu* spam-a-thon? How about Greatest Twink Log of the Year? All these events, and more, taking place on a MU* to be announced!

If you would like your MU* to be considered to host the Twink Olympics (and also to send an information bot like this one to it), simply page this bot with 'consider (name of mush/mux) (address) (port)'. To sign up to receive future information on the Olympics as the time draws closer, such as where they will be held and specifics event times, page this bot with 'info (your mu* aliases or name) (email address)'. To fully register as a contestant for the Twink Olympics follow the previous instruction, and await details in an future email.

One last thing. We don't suggest you @boot this bot, as doing so will add this world to the list of acceptable targets for the Greatest Twink Log of the Year competition.

So, of course, I @booted the guest.
I'm really not worried about what the MPU can do to us. Annoy us, more than anything else. POSSIBLY bring us down, but we have backups. Anyways, Solace know (especially if she reads this) and I went over to M*U*S*H and spoke to Javelin, just in case.
*shakes his head*
Oh well.. guess we'll see how this plays out. I'm in the loop, so I'm sure I'll hear one way or another.

That's all I have to say about this.
In other news, my weight for the week is...
YAY! :)

Talk to y'all latahz!
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
The little one is getting used to life in his new home (and the other cats are getting used to life with a new kitten.) He's such a cutie :) Wish we knew why he was still sneezy, though... is it a draft? allergies? hmm.. if it doesn't go away soon, we may have to call a vet and ask. Whatever it is, despite Josh's fears, he doesn't seem to be giving it to the other cats *knock on wood*

I saw the Royal Tannenbaums yesterday. It was... OK. I thought it would be alot cuter.. alot funnier. I can't imagine why Jeff Simon named it one of the best movies of 2001. It... isn't. It's a cute story of a very screwed up family and that's about it.

I'm really grumpy.. grumpy at so called friends. This happens every once in a while when an event happens that's important enough to me that it makes me have to question who really cares about me and who is, I guess you could say relegated to the list of people I'm friendly with, but not friends of.
*moves people around*

In good news, I hope to be meeting [profile] trillain again soon.. for lunch somewhere. Just to talk and see each other. We've only met once before last summer at the Galleria Mall, which was cool except for the two hours wandering around the mall, bit :)
In bad news, I don't believe I shall ever be meeting [ profile] kolys, [ profile] tallin. They're obviously very busy individuals with so very little time to meet myself. It doesn't matter.

I've been having alot of thoughts about friends lately.. friends gone, friends soon to be gone (caught up with their own lives), friends dating friends.
That's the really sucky part of the internet. I have friends all over the US (and bits of Canada) and I can't meet most of them when I need to chat or hang.
I can't complain that they've all become so busy with their own lives.. I have too.... I'm rarely seen on Chaotic anymore. A ghost of sorts, spotted at odd hours when I have nothing left to do and am bored.
It's sad to say Chaotic means so little to me that I only appear when bored.. but can you blame me? The place is dead until afternoon or night and when it's alive, I just don't care to talk to anyone anymore except for a very few people.
I've formed my own clique.
How gauche.
That matter so little anymore anyways. Most of y'all don't care one way or the other.. and those that do.. well, most of you are on my list of people I visit to talk to anyways.

I'm lonely. One of the many people floating through life looking for someone interested and compatible with me. I know they're out there, but I haven't seen them for who they are. I'm not sure I have the time for them, despite how desperately I'd like their company.


Whatever. I'll post this ramble.
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
It is Saturday morning. No school today.
Life is good with fuzzy kitties in my lap.
Last night was... odd. I don't remember an awful lot of it. I was so exhausted, mentally, that I shut down bits of myself here and there. When I relaxed, bits and pieces of it came back, but I never felt right.
Problem is... that's about the time I get the direct connection to by subconscious pixie self. I remember talking to Soreth about stuff, but not what about. I remember trying to force Soreth and Trillian to talk.. and, in the end, succeeding :)
I feel vaguely... wrong, disturbed... after experiences like that. It's like as if some totally different personality takes over for a night and then I come back to myself and I'm all "What the hell?"
And the images.
A torrent of images for about half an hour in the middle of a talk with Soreth. We were talking about magick and about seeing the future and I got a torrent of vivid images of possible futures.
*shakes his head and tries to clear the memories out, lest it happens again*

It snowed last night. In general, I don't like snow. That's because *I* am the one out there... walking/driving in it, shoveling/snow blowing it, trudging through it. And we do get alot of snow here in Buffalo. I must agree that a thin blanket of snow has a certain sort of allure, though. It does look pretty.

This month's TMBG Unlimited (which JUST came out apparently) is really amusing. Especially where they do "While My Guitair Gently Weeps" by the Beatles in their backwards voice. Ehehehehehe. It makes me want to go back and listen to their live versions of "The Joker" and "Yellow Submarine" again.

So... assuming the weather stays clear, we'll b going out to see the new version of "Ocean's 11" tonite. I cannae wait. I saw the original last week and it was cool, but now I wanna see them breaking into today's Las Vegas! :D

Not much else to say. Peace y'all!
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
I do have other things to discuss.

Yay! Another project done! One less things to deal with! Yay!
I should be ashamed of myself. In those last hours of working on the project, I ceased caring. It's not quite right? Fuck it, it's just a homework,.
I should be ashamed. But I'm past caring at the moment.

That leaves... one final, one final presentation, one project, one writeup and a partridge in a pear tree.
Well.. maybe not the partridge.
Much the pity. It would amuse my kitties so!
Speaking of my kitties. Go Check Out My Webpage again! I added a new section on my little monsters, including an ode to Hot Stuff :)

What else? Weight loss is back down.. 261 for two days straight. I need to be able to get back to the gym. I've been too busy today and too sick yesterday :P

Can't think of anything else.. except for the bulk of the post.
While I have some time, I need to talk about this whole thing. It's weighing very heavily on my mind.
Unlike other parties, unless yelled at, I intend to mention all parties involved in this. My opinions, as per usual, are not censored nor particularly politically correct.
Read At Your Own Risk )
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
Lots to talk about today.

And this week's weight is.. *drum roll*... 264!
That means I've lost a WHOLE POUND this week :P
God damned Plateaus. On the other hand, at least I posted a loss instead of a gain.
Yay, loss!

I had a nice surprise when I got into the trailer today. It's all decorated for christmas. There's streamers all over and bows and little silver bells. And by each office is a little stocking with candy inside. It was a nice surprise and it DOES give the office an extra cheery touch.
And it puts LITE in a holiday spirit (up until I turn the radio on and hear more blasted christmas carols. I can take a few. A few are even catchy (and I LOVE what Bob Rivers does to them >:D )) but a whole month of them is always enough to drive me batty and make me feel very grinch-like.

So, I saw "Heist" on Saturday Night. It was a good movie. Da pixie man gives it four stars out of five. Lots of twists and turns and you're never quite sure what's going on or who has the goods (The movie is called Heist. It's about a Heist.), Gene Hackman or Danny Devito. In the end, it was a lot of fun. A great movie romp!

Then last night, I watched the first part of Jack and the Beanstalk. The idea sounded interesting. What happened if Jack and the Beanstalk actually happened? So the first two hours was a retelling of the story and setup for the next two hours in which a more modern Jack goes and visits (for lack of a better word) Faerieland. For those of you who missed the first two hours, poor you :( It was cute and tuesday's end to the program looks cute too.

This amuses me... some people simply can't let go.
Player Name On For Idle Are You In The Holiday Spirit Yet?>
eStebe 22:47 1m I didn't misspell WHORE, I have a log.

What else? My checks were finally shipped off last Saturday. I had to order new checks. Don't recall if I ordered the "furry friends" (kitty and puppy poses together) or.. the ones with the amusingly bright background. Regardless, though, they've shipped.

What else?
Do you realize I have only five more days of class? Yay, end of classes! Yay, upcoming christmas vacation.. Boo, finals and final projects.

That's all I can think of to say for now. Hasta, folksies!
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
Lots of fun things to talk about.

Do you know what I hate more than changing my schedule around to be at a meeting? Getting stood up for the meeting. My practicum group was SUPPOSED to meet at 4:00 in Jarvis 120 today.
I was there.
No one else was.
Including, I think, the person we had to meet.
So I hung around on campus for near two hours longer than I would have needed to otherwise.
Bah, I say.

Plus, we're supposed to meet at 8:00 AM tommorow (of course, my hope is... since I don't think anyone met with Todd, we CAN'T put the filter together until we do and, hence, no 8:00 meeting. That' my hope in any case) and then I have another meeting at 12:00 for a groundwater project.
Whee meetings.

And I need to do math homework again this weekend. Yes, the same math homework that nearly killed me two weekends ago.
13 problems this time (instead of 12). But I have a PLAN!
It's due Wednesday.. so.. if I start it today, I only need to do 3 problems a day and it'll be done by Tuesday night.
Plus, I may have a little extra time this weekend to do more than 3 problems. The point is, it doesn't need to ALL be done by Saturday.
Yay plan! ^.^

Today is Nicole radio day! Yay! trying to decide already what I shall request.
I'm thinking of requesting one of my own.
I'm THINKING of requesting Illudium (Full name: Illudium Pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
The Illegal (cause I don't have the rights to the wav samples of marvin the martian I used) vocal version.

I'm on a weight plateau again. Worse than that, it seems like I'm GAINING weight.
Though, this catches me as odd.
This morning I weighed myself and realized.. I had to take a pee. So i did.
I went back to weighing myself (i triple check. I'm a freak like that.) and I weighed 0.5 lbs. MORE than before the pee.
Can someone explain that to me?
Anyways, due to the plateay, I fear this means I shan't weigh 250 by new years day. So I am henceforth changing my goal.
I want to weigh 255 instead.
Now if I could go back to losing weight.

I had a Fluids test today. The third. I either did VERY well or I was so off base it isn't even funny. I'm not actually sure yet. I guess I'll find out when I get my test grade, eh?
Here's hoping, right?

What else?
I think the psychological effects of the happy light have worn off. Hopefully the very really physiological effects are just getting ready to take place, though.
Yay Happy Light!

Note: When I tried posting this the FIRST time, it wasn't yay this and yay that.. I was pure bitchy. Now I'm home and I'm yay this and yay that.
What does that say to YOU?

OK, so I'm saving the best (or, actually, worst) for last.
I want to talk about Stebe.
I'm not gonna be happy with just dropping it. I just... I can't do that. When i'm angry, I need to let people know.
I'm screwed up like that.
So... I want to give an account of my side of this argument. For myself if no one else cares.
The whole thing started Tuesday. I posted I was grumpy at certain people on ChaoticMUX. Stebe was one of them.
In.. a conversation I don't even fully recall, he said eris@discordia was a "hoar" (I don't remember the conversation, but I do distinctly remember the misspelling.) I happen to disagree.. I have a bad relationship with much of discordia, but eris was OK.
So I was unhappy about that.
The REAL start of the argument was Wednesday, though. After a good night sleep, I was less grumpy and feeling apologetic towards people who had annoyed me Tuesday. I don't remember WHAT Stebe said that pissed me off (it wasn't the orange thing), but the WAY he said it reallly ticked me off. He sounded nasty and .. arse'ish
So I told him he was an arse.
And I /gagged him.
In retrospect, I should have just /gagged him quietly and gone on with the rest of my day, but... hindsight is 20/20, right?
Stebe took great offense to this. And he got mad. And posted a +bbpost suggesting I take a vacation from Chaotic because, to the best of his knowledge, 2 people (ara and scoob) had left because of me.
I'm still a little.. sensitive, bewildered, upset, angry.. over ara and scoob leaving. I can't say as I still really understand what happened. All of a sudden, i was sexist and racist and beyond contempt. I'd been friends with ara for near 9 years. scoob for a little less. And suddenly, I wasn't even worth talking to anymore.
So.. it's a sensitive spot for me.
A sensitive spot, Stebe has harped on again and again and again.
Between the two, I got VERY pissed at him.
Hence, when yesterday rolled around and I'd been under the happy light and felt better, I thought about it and I *STILL* think Stebe is being an immature ass.
So, Stebe read that in my lj. And then quoted that portion of my journal so everyone could read it and decide I was an ass.
[ profile] kalidor responded thusly, and I think it sums up my own feelings.
Begin Quote:

Lessee, you are dragging it out, trying to make a public spectacle, (of course... the spectacle seems to end up being you) and .. well ... only you seem to care? Yes ... I think the evaluation of your personality .. is .. uhm .. well correct. Perhaps you should do whut others like you have done in the past. Make a personal bulletin board that only your friends are allowed to read, so as not to pester the rest of us. Of course, the people with those boards .. mostly decided to leave anyhow... but .. more is the better.

End Quote:
Then, as I hear tell (and I have no proof of this), Stebe contacted lj_abuse and complained about my post.
So... let's review. I /gagged him and made a couple of rude comments.
He posted not one, but two +bbposts and complained, i think, to lj_abuse.
So.. like.. WHO is being the immature asshole here?
So today comes around and this is really pissing me off. I'd LIKE to take him somewhere private and just thwap him around.
Not that I would.. I'd just LIKE to.
So today comes around and I'm pissed at him and I make a couple more comments.
And he responds by mailing the ChaoticMUX adminning and complaining about me.
Now, I admit some fault.
1) I should never have told him I was /gagging him.
2) I shouldn't have made the comments
However, I'm not the one totally twinking out.
(personally, I'm curious to see how he responds to this post. Not that i'm worried, I'm just curious.)
So, like... I've promised I'll stop making any comments to Stebe on Chaotic. He can just sit in my gag until he apologizes for the way he's acted and is acting.
But.. here.. here I won't bother to censor myself. After all, if you don't like what you read, why read it? It's still my personal (if live for the world to read) journal.

That's all I have to say about that. Well.. for now. Maybe more later as more on the Stebe argument.. happens.

In closing, let me offer CONGRATS TO [ profile] thepoet_khayman on his baby, Lazarus Kaine Matthew!!
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
Start with the Good News. The mechanic called this morning. The problem is that the fuel filter was really badly clogged. It won't cost much to get them to change it (less than $100) and I should have my car back by tommorow.
That IS good news!

Now the Grumpiness.
I got very upset at people on ChaoticMUX yesterday. Not just one or two but a few. People who were being stupid.
One off on some tangent about Jewish people.
One who begged me to nuke someone who (and you know who are) *I* still like, even if you don't. *I* still respect him, even if his opinions are unpopular and disliked (for good reason, but... as [ profile] nissacrosseyed would say "Hate the Sin. Love the Sinner."), I still liked him.
One who, sometimes I swear, belongs on a roleplay mux where she can vent out her need to screw with others.
And one who has absolutely no problem calling people "hoar" and "anal" and doesn't care what people think about him.
That said, the problem is half mine. On days I wasn't so worried about my car or such, I'd probably be able to laugh this stuff off as just a silly thing _____ does. Everyone has their quirks: some good, some bad. The truly wise person can simply accept people for who they are.
That shows how far away from being the truly wise person I can be sometimes.
To me, I see it as... everyone was just acting out in their own particular way and before the night was over, it was too much for me and made ME grumpy with people in general.
That's the 20/20 hindsight vision, by the way. At the time, I just figured everyone had something up their ass. Maybe they do... while it isn't unknown for a large number of people to act out at once, there's usually some CAUSE for it!
What the cause(s) is/were.. I dunno. I probably never will know.
I dunno.
Truthfully said, if they all start acting out again, I'll abandon my "the truly wise person..." approach and just yell at them because, no matter what their reasons, no one should have to put up with anyone's shit.
Especially if it's stupid shit
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
Another random entry coming. Consider yourself warned.

Let's start with today's Subject. I was at the mall yesterday.. didn't buy a whole lot. Put money down on The Sims: Hot Date which SHOULD BE OUT IN LESS THAN A WEEK :D :D :D and bought a new Terry Pratchett Book "The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents" which is Terry Pratchett's take on the Pied Piper story.. in Discworld! It should be amusing and fun! :D

On the subject of new things, my Brown Derbies CD "Jericho" FINALLY got here (I only ordered it in AUGUST) but it's here and it's cool and the new one out next year sometime should be even cooler cause they are covering my all time favoritest song ("Birdhouse In Your Soul" for those of y'all who don't know the LITEster well enough). So.. major :D :D :D :D!!

What else? Oh! Welcome our newest livejournaler, [ profile] nissacrosseyed whom I personally gave a code to so she could get a livejournal. I think I'm going to steal something from her and start having today's Quote of the Day. I'll try to keep the quote of the day topical depending on what amuses me or what's on my mind.

So.. I had an odd idea today I'm kick around. An idea for a story I'd like to try to write. The working title of this story is "The REAL story behind the music." The idea? A story written completely in the TMBG Universe. It would star some mad scientist (working Name... Mr. Klaw) who has succesfully been able to test his new invention. A tuning fork that plays a tone that basically acts as a sonic lobotomy. Once you hear the tuning fork, you do more or less whatever Mr. Klaw says to do.
And of course like every mad scientist.. he intends to take over the world. And so he hatches the plan to use these tuning forks in New York City (nor like ours.. bigger, more futuristic. nearly every building is a skyscraper etc.) by adding them to the bells in the new big church they're building.
I haven't worked out who the good guys will be except for an international spy (who was a Hotel Detective, but now she's better connected).
Oh.. and in the middle of all this.. Aliens from Venus land and a cult leader (working name: Spider..) take power.
And all in all it should be a fun romp through a vaguely science-fiction and maybe slightly fantasy world.
Like I said, it's just an idea I'm kicking around.

So Kareila got onto ChaoticMUX yesterday. Apparently she wondered why 6 people had left Chaotic in 1 week. Those six people... Deve, fil, Dustkitten, arabella, scoob and Circa, all wanted off for more or less different reasons. Deve didn't feel right there anymore because he couldn't thrive there and still be himself (no one wanted to hear his Anti-America attitude), fil left over an argument with Aldar (well... last straw apparently) and was the gentleman I posted of a while back who said "You're no more civilized than my dog's left testicle". Dustkitten.. I told you about. And the other three left because of me and my posts two days hence.
So Kareila checks out the livejournal post and I'm sitting here going "Will KAR think it's Sexist/Racist etc?" Kareila is the most open-minded easy going person I know.. if she felt it was sexist or racist.. it probably was.
Anyways her comments were "I'm not sure that ultra-feminism has anything to do with the rise of violence agaisnt women." and that the whole thing had been blown completely out of proportion and SHE still likes me.
To me this was basically like "Alright.. despite what ara and scoob say, I'm NOT suddenly an asshole!" so I feel slightly better now that I've passed the Kar test.

That's all I can think of posting. So I'll end with Today's quote of the day.

Today's Quote of the Day.
"A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation." - Moliere
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
Lots of things going on... I'll try to mention them all.

First off.. two people have asked now.. what IS Chaotica? OK... I'm not feeling particularly secretive about this. Chaotica is going to be a Q&A site, akin to The Conversatron and Forum 2010. I am working on this endeavor with [personal profile] zorkian, [personal profile] soreth and fil from ChaoticMUX. fil is helping me with the appropriate code. Marky is offering the site (most likely and Soreth is going to just be fun to work with on this ;) So that's what Chaotica is... I hope to get it up and running before next year. I hope. :) I really hope. :)

So... maybe HALF an hour after posting my message about not leaving Chaotic after all, my computer died. I can't say as I know what's wrong with it, but for the $140 I just gave to CompUSA last night to diagnose it and fast (not including whatever I'll pay to replace the broken part.) I hope to get it back in my hands quickly.
Especially since I'm keeping records of my weight loss on that computer and I feel really odd not being able to go down, put in my weight for the day and see where it now says I am, weightwise.

It's kind of funny.. I'm not so much bothered by my lack of ability to get online and even to check email. I just want my computer so I can add my weight for the day in and see where I am.
OK, maybe not FUNNY.. but.. amusing? Odd? I dunno.l

So, as my computer was not functioning for the night on Monday, I decided to instead go to see a movie. I went out and saw Iron Monkey. Oh my god, but this film was fun. Various scenes were funny bordering sometiems on ridiculous (the main bad guy's flying sleeves of death and his Scorpion'esque (from Mortal Kombat) dialog was too funny! I hardly noticed at all that it was a subtitled movie.. it hardly mattered (unlike Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon where the subtitles made all the difference and i never really understood the movie.) In this movie, the bad guys are REALLY bad and the good guys are REALLY good. And the martial arts scenes... WHOOOEEE! Did I mention i REALLY enjoyed this movie? I did. An awful lot. I think I'll see it again :)

Also, I believe I am going to go see Penn and Teller (rather famous magicians) on wednesday. They are coming to UB and I've always loved magic shows. So that looks to be interesting.

What else? Oh.. I read my weight today. I like it :) I LOVE looking at a scale and seeing an all-time low weight. My weight today was 277.5 (which doesn't mean the average weight I'm using to define my real weight is that low, just that the one reading was.) and, like I said, I love looking down and seeing these new all-time low weights. It really brightens my day.

That's all I can think of to say. Maybe this post wasn't quite as long as I'd planned. Oh well :)

hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
I've thought long and hard about my post.
Truth be told, i am more than a little upset that scoob and ara don't come to Chaotic anymore.. for.. whatever the reason.
I miss those I consider my best friends alot. And I'm horribly upset that they don't come to Chaotic, for whatever the reason.
Leaving Chaotic would only compound the issue, though. I'd be doing exactly that which i am upset about. And so I shan't do that.
I *DO* need to get in the habit, though, that instead of idling on ChaoticMUX bored, I should do something else.. play a video game or work on Chaotica or SOMETHING.
So.. that's the plan.
I shan't leave Chaotic because I still have too many friends there..
and I'll work on keeping myself busy when no one is on and etc.
Plans are good.


Oct. 15th, 2001 10:48 am
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
This WAS going to be a nice long post. A happy one. I'd planned on starting by mentioning that I'm finally under 280 lbs. (about 279 now) and still going down.
Then I was going to go into a long rambling speech about exercising and how it's a win-win situation and stuff like that.

Truth be told, I just don't feel like talking about that anymore.
What I want to do talk about is friendship. And how far should a person go to keep the friends he has.

For me, the question is one I've asked a few times before, but with different twists.
How much does one PLACE mean to me. That place, of course, is ChaoticMUX.
I've asked this under a large set of differing circumstances. Anger, hopelessness, despair as well as hope and happiness.
For those of you who don't know.. ChaoticMUX is a little place on the internet that I helped carve with my own two hands (well.. at least it feels that way. What i really did was be a large part of it growing up and moving.)
Everything's fallen apart in the span of near three years.
Staff uphevals, periods of unrest, periods where no one did ANYTHING. You name it, it went wrong.
ChaoticMUX was everything to me once.. it was a home, a hangout and a place I could kick back and relax and enjoy the company of friends.
It's not.. it hasn't been for a couple years.
My friends have steadily left ChaoticMUX. They've moved on, grown up and gotten busy.
Most of those friends were fellow staff members and when they left, they took large portions of ChaoticMUX (in a less than completely literal sense) with them.
No one will ever fill up the voids left by these people.. and that upsets me.
Somewhere along the way I was filled with despair as my baby, the place I had created with my own two hands crumbled and fell apart and I was left powerless to DO anything about it.
And so ChaoticMUX became not a place I was proud of adminning (or for that matter did ANY adminning whatsoever) but a place I could be with friends and enjoy their company.
Of course, that has changed too.
As stated earlier, my friends have grown older, moved on. I can't be angry for their becoming busy. They all ahve perfectly good reasons. Life has just gotten the better of them.
But now I spend most of my time online idling. Waiting for friends to show up and have time to chat and be amusing.
I'm having very sobering thoughts.
Voices scream in my head to grow up, get real. My friends aren't coming back. I'm not developing new ones this way.
This is not to say I want to lose contact with them. I don't.. but i've found less active ways to be in contact with them.
Right now, every friend I talk to on a regular basis on Chaotic is HERE, on Livejournal. They read my rambling posts (or don't) and they know what's up in my life.
There are other things in my lives... things i wouldn't give up. For those who knows what this means.. I plan on moving Chaotica along regardless of whether or not I leave Chaotic because Chaotica is something I'm really excited about. Something i want to be a part of.

I don't know what to do about Chaotic. The voices in my head tell me to move on. Find better things to do with your time than idling on a MUX being bored and hoping friends will show up.
The voices are right. This is what I should do.
There *IS* a part of me, though, that suggests that if I do leave Chaotic I'll never come back. This used to be a voice that argued against me leaving.. telling me to just hang tight and wait for everything to get better.
Except it hasn't.
Kareila left ChaoticMUX for real life and despite what she's said many times in the past, I don't believe she's coming back. Not really.
arabella left ChaoticMUX. That's probably my fault as much as anything else.
scoob left ChaoticMUX. Partly my fault.
Soreth is still there.. and Marky and Scotty and people I do consider friend. But they have each other (Scotty and Marky, Lain and Soreth) and they have their lives.

This is not a pity party. Please don't get into a "Oo.. don't leave we love you." sort of attitude. This is me simply realizing that I'm not recieving anything on ChaoticMUX I don't get from Snoopydance or Livejournal.
I mean, on one hand I DO miss the live conversations but I can't say like i feel like I'm GETTING those anymore.
My comments have become inane... insubstatial and meaningless. Maybe it's safer that way. When I'm being odd and strange, I don't piss people off and make them leave Chaotic. But then, when I'm being odd and strange, I'm not having any interesting conversations either.

I don't know. I really don't KNOW what's best for me anymore. I've left Chaotic and come back before. I don't know.
I'm not sure I WANT to come back to things as they are.
Nor do I have the pwoer to change them.


Jul. 11th, 2001 11:05 am
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
I can't get onto #tmbg *whine*
I can't get Visual Pest (a program I need for my graduate research) to install either, since I don't, apparently, have the Serial # I need =P
In other news, my ChaoticMUX meeting went will. Almost all the current staff showed up, which is good. We've got some plans to start a new Chaotic =D =D =D and to deal with current Chaotic until then. Plus, if a certain twinky neonazi starts his sh*t again on Chaotic, we can start punishing his sorry arse.
So, as Trillain said.. she scared me yesterday by appearing at the Galleria Mall at the same time my mom and i were there. My mom was looking for new clothes and I'd just gotten into trouble by getting the Startopia Strategy. And she was like "Hi" and I turned around and there she was.
It occurs to me we've probably seen each other there alot before but never knew what we looked like so didn't say hi...heh.
That's it, short journal today. More to come if there's more to say.
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
OK, enough of that.
So I just got done playing with the colour schemes in the friends section, what do y'all think? I tried to mix it up a little (I loved the navy blue.. it worked, but.. I saw Vissith's friends page and the colours worked well n stuff. So.. i thought I'd try it. I like it :)
I think I'm going to buy the $25 full year paid journal.. just so I can have 10 pics.. I can have smokey n cleo n mousey n mystery pics.. and maybe my Picture (which is cool) and maybe a TMBG sign or something. i dunno. I just think I wanna do dat.
And speaking of, I've had my third compliment on my music in like.. two or three weeks. It's making my ego inflate. I mean.. *I* knew my music was good, but WOO! Apparently others think it too! For those of y'all who dun know.. my music can be found here at MP3.Com

Ooo.. Talking heads! I love this song! (And She Was)
The world was moving, she was right there with it.. and she was.
The world was moving, she was (floating above it?).. and she was
And she was.

Got a meeting for ChaoticMUX tonight... still don't know exactly what we'll talk about, but it's an important wizard-type-meeting and from it we should get a few things done (or else.. *grouch*). Then, the plan is to have a players meeting with me and any other staffies who can make it and all the players who can.
In other ChaoticMUX news, Trillian wants me to start up my roleplay that I WAS gonna do on Chaotic a while back. Based vaguely on White Wolf, the idea (I call Neogenesis) is that Magick comes back to earth right now.. and people gotta deal with it and the fact that all sorts (good and bad) have awesome magickal powers... it should be interesting. I guess I'll give it a shot.. but only if there's enough interest to get it started. Three or Four players at least who can meet weekly.
That's all I gotta report, I guess..
hkellick: Pittsburgh, City of Bridges (Default)
I know. I know. I haven't written in three days. There has actually been very little to write about. I come home from work, help clean the basement (Do most of the schleping since my brother Josh is being lazy and my mom, due to breathing problems, dun schlep.). We've gotten rid of ALOT of stuff.. the basement looks a whole lot more clean. That, in itself, is very nice.. the part where I think I'm going to end up schleping most of it to the CURB today, on the other hand, is not nice.
In other news, Kareila has suggested it is officially time to get moving on the new Chaotic as there are a growing number of problems with the old one (the newest being a growing corruption in which we'll lose attributes. Since we're such a big place we're probably not noticing it much.. hopefully it doesn't get suddenly much worse, though.)
I'm very excited about the prespect of starting a new Chaotic and think, frankly, it's about damned time. (Kar and I have had... arguments.. because she's still looking for the perfect online communitee which, in my not so humble opinion, simply doesn't exist. I'm willing to take a new system that works better (not pefectly, just better) than what we currently have. And if we can improve on THAT some more, so much the better. Regardless, you ChaoticMUXers out there are in for some definite surprises with some of the ideas we've got for a new better ChaoticMUX. :) )
That's all I can think of worth saying. I SAID it was a quiet three days! It's not MY fault if u didn't believe me!

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