Josh and Soreth and Lain, o my!
Dec. 13th, 2001 04:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hkellickI do have other things to discuss.
Yay! Another project done! One less things to deal with! Yay!
I should be ashamed of myself. In those last hours of working on the project, I ceased caring. It's not quite right? Fuck it, it's just a homework,.
I should be ashamed. But I'm past caring at the moment.
That leaves... one final, one final presentation, one project, one writeup and a partridge in a pear tree.
Well.. maybe not the partridge.
Much the pity. It would amuse my kitties so!
Speaking of my kitties. Go Check Out My Webpage again! I added a new section on my little monsters, including an ode to Hot Stuff :)
What else? Weight loss is back down.. 261 for two days straight. I need to be able to get back to the gym. I've been too busy today and too sick yesterday :P
Can't think of anything else.. except for the bulk of the post.
While I have some time, I need to talk about this whole thing. It's weighing very heavily on my mind.
Unlike other parties, unless yelled at, I intend to mention all parties involved in this. My opinions, as per usual, are not censored nor particularly politically correct.
Those of you who read![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
trillain's livejournal already got a small angry burst of information on the entire thing. Here it is in a nutshell:
Sometime last week (Thursday, I think. Too lazy to look atsoreth's livejournal for myself, soreth and jariel had a heart to heart. Jariel (henceforth called Josh since that's what I know him as on Chaotic) apparently has had feelings for Soreth, but didn't want to tell him, due to the fact that Soreth was in a relationship with Trillain (henceforth known as Lain or Trillian. That's the two names I know her as online.) and Soreth, apparently, felt the same though he was not AWARE of it.
Or something like that.
To get the real details, you'll need to ask Soreth or Josh themselves. This is just how I understand it.
Anyways, after that night.. Josh agreed he liked Soreth and Soreth's heart burned for Josh (those were his words..)
I wasn't aware of any of this until two days ago. Soreth said he had alot on my mind and when I asked what he promised if I could keep a secret he'd tell me. I kept the secret.. well.. I'm not now, but he's already told Lain, so I'm guessing it's OK to talk about it now. He told me about the situation and how he thought he loved Josh and he wasn't sure what to do about Lain. I told him he had to tell her. He did. She needed to know.
Hence why I posted recently that yet another predicition (this one being "I can't see Soreth and Lain working out". I said it for different reasons, but still...) coming true.
Two nights ago, Soreth called Lain into a private room and they talked.
Now the FUN really begins.
Lain's pissed (as she should be, imho) but she can't be mad without feeling bad or guilty about it.
Soreth's being totally rational about it (Yes, you should be pissed. Yes, I understand.) which.. isn't helping. But then, as I've said to Lain, it's easy for Soreth to be rational. He did the dumping. He thought things through (I'm ASSUMING) long before he told me or Lain.
And Lain has to figure out how to get the rage out of her system so that she find some sort of closure. Which, listening to her last night, just isn't easy for her.
How do I feel about it? What about MY opinions? Well... I intend to tell you!
I'm not the least bit bothered by the idea of a guy realizing that, yes, he may like guys too/better, but at the same time I don't condone the way this was handled. For Soreth to "just realize" he never liked Lain like that.
It makes me question the depths of his feelings for Josh.
I asked Soreth yesterday.. what's different? How did you suddenly know that you didn't like Lain like that, but you do like Josh?
His answer doesn't totally satisfy me. His answer was that he felt his heart aching for Josh. That every hour of every day he had trouble concentrating because his thoughts were with Josh.
Here's the catch, though. I've been there. I've spent days thinking over and over of how much it would be cool to be with someone. Hell, I felt that way ofdustkitten for a couple weeks. And then I met her. The chemistry, to put it bluntly, wasn't there. Our friendship totally fell apart from there (there were other extenuating factors, mind.. but this is true nonetheless.)
And, heaven forbid, what happens if he does meet Josh, tries to get physically close to him and emberassedly realizes.. this isn't right?
Let me make my feelings clear here... I am NOT angry at Soreth for falling in love with Josh. Nor do I suddenly hate him cause of how he dumped Trillian. I still consider Soreth one of my very best friends. Yes, it would have been nice if he could have handled the break up better, but.. I'm not sure I can see how he'd do it anyways. I can't imagine it as easy to say "Well.. I THOUGHT I loved you.. but I see now I don't. I actually love a guy instead."
I try to picture myself in a situation like that. Hell, I'd have flubbed it too.. probably worse.
Then again, I'd never dump a girl for a guy anyways. Now.. a girl for another girl.. that's different ;)
But, still, I have to wonder.
I'm not saying Soreth and Lain were perfect for each other. If this hadn't happened, I can honestly say I can see them having gone their own different ways eventually anyways.
At the same time, I can't say as I can see Soreth and Josh together either.
There, I've said it. The predicition again.
Let me back myself up, though. Why can't I see it? I can't see it because I feel I know Soreth and I'm not sure Soreth would ever be happy with anyone who didn't fully accept it on faith that his real life self was a dragon. I'm not sure Soreth would ever be happy with someone who wasn't pagan or taoist.. or at least open to the idea.
This is the point I expect comments on. I welcome them.. Soreth, Jariel, Trillian or.. anyone else. This is what I see based on what I know of the players involved. I could be right, I could be wrong. Only time will tell.
I dunno.
OK, time to post this!
Yay! Another project done! One less things to deal with! Yay!
I should be ashamed of myself. In those last hours of working on the project, I ceased caring. It's not quite right? Fuck it, it's just a homework,.
I should be ashamed. But I'm past caring at the moment.
That leaves... one final, one final presentation, one project, one writeup and a partridge in a pear tree.
Well.. maybe not the partridge.
Much the pity. It would amuse my kitties so!
Speaking of my kitties. Go Check Out My Webpage again! I added a new section on my little monsters, including an ode to Hot Stuff :)
What else? Weight loss is back down.. 261 for two days straight. I need to be able to get back to the gym. I've been too busy today and too sick yesterday :P
Can't think of anything else.. except for the bulk of the post.
While I have some time, I need to talk about this whole thing. It's weighing very heavily on my mind.
Unlike other parties, unless yelled at, I intend to mention all parties involved in this. My opinions, as per usual, are not censored nor particularly politically correct.
Those of you who read
trillain's livejournal already got a small angry burst of information on the entire thing. Here it is in a nutshell:Sometime last week (Thursday, I think. Too lazy to look at
soreth's livejournal for myself, soreth and jariel had a heart to heart. Jariel (henceforth called Josh since that's what I know him as on Chaotic) apparently has had feelings for Soreth, but didn't want to tell him, due to the fact that Soreth was in a relationship with Trillain (henceforth known as Lain or Trillian. That's the two names I know her as online.) and Soreth, apparently, felt the same though he was not AWARE of it.Or something like that.
To get the real details, you'll need to ask Soreth or Josh themselves. This is just how I understand it.
Anyways, after that night.. Josh agreed he liked Soreth and Soreth's heart burned for Josh (those were his words..)
I wasn't aware of any of this until two days ago. Soreth said he had alot on my mind and when I asked what he promised if I could keep a secret he'd tell me. I kept the secret.. well.. I'm not now, but he's already told Lain, so I'm guessing it's OK to talk about it now. He told me about the situation and how he thought he loved Josh and he wasn't sure what to do about Lain. I told him he had to tell her. He did. She needed to know.
Hence why I posted recently that yet another predicition (this one being "I can't see Soreth and Lain working out". I said it for different reasons, but still...) coming true.
Two nights ago, Soreth called Lain into a private room and they talked.
Now the FUN really begins.
Lain's pissed (as she should be, imho) but she can't be mad without feeling bad or guilty about it.
Soreth's being totally rational about it (Yes, you should be pissed. Yes, I understand.) which.. isn't helping. But then, as I've said to Lain, it's easy for Soreth to be rational. He did the dumping. He thought things through (I'm ASSUMING) long before he told me or Lain.
And Lain has to figure out how to get the rage out of her system so that she find some sort of closure. Which, listening to her last night, just isn't easy for her.
How do I feel about it? What about MY opinions? Well... I intend to tell you!
I'm not the least bit bothered by the idea of a guy realizing that, yes, he may like guys too/better, but at the same time I don't condone the way this was handled. For Soreth to "just realize" he never liked Lain like that.
It makes me question the depths of his feelings for Josh.
I asked Soreth yesterday.. what's different? How did you suddenly know that you didn't like Lain like that, but you do like Josh?
His answer doesn't totally satisfy me. His answer was that he felt his heart aching for Josh. That every hour of every day he had trouble concentrating because his thoughts were with Josh.
Here's the catch, though. I've been there. I've spent days thinking over and over of how much it would be cool to be with someone. Hell, I felt that way of
dustkitten for a couple weeks. And then I met her. The chemistry, to put it bluntly, wasn't there. Our friendship totally fell apart from there (there were other extenuating factors, mind.. but this is true nonetheless.)And, heaven forbid, what happens if he does meet Josh, tries to get physically close to him and emberassedly realizes.. this isn't right?
Let me make my feelings clear here... I am NOT angry at Soreth for falling in love with Josh. Nor do I suddenly hate him cause of how he dumped Trillian. I still consider Soreth one of my very best friends. Yes, it would have been nice if he could have handled the break up better, but.. I'm not sure I can see how he'd do it anyways. I can't imagine it as easy to say "Well.. I THOUGHT I loved you.. but I see now I don't. I actually love a guy instead."
I try to picture myself in a situation like that. Hell, I'd have flubbed it too.. probably worse.
Then again, I'd never dump a girl for a guy anyways. Now.. a girl for another girl.. that's different ;)
But, still, I have to wonder.
I'm not saying Soreth and Lain were perfect for each other. If this hadn't happened, I can honestly say I can see them having gone their own different ways eventually anyways.
At the same time, I can't say as I can see Soreth and Josh together either.
There, I've said it. The predicition again.
Let me back myself up, though. Why can't I see it? I can't see it because I feel I know Soreth and I'm not sure Soreth would ever be happy with anyone who didn't fully accept it on faith that his real life self was a dragon. I'm not sure Soreth would ever be happy with someone who wasn't pagan or taoist.. or at least open to the idea.
This is the point I expect comments on. I welcome them.. Soreth, Jariel, Trillian or.. anyone else. This is what I see based on what I know of the players involved. I could be right, I could be wrong. Only time will tell.
I dunno.
OK, time to post this!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2001-12-13 05:12 pm (UTC)Ahem. Actually, I have more of a question... what is it that makes you think two different species (on faith as it were) couldn't be happy together? Perhaps I should rephrase: Why would Sor think that?
The reason why I ask is, well, I don't know. I used to think it wasn't possible, or that it shouldn't be. But then I realized I hadn't really thought about it.. now I can't think of a reason why not. Probably Sor himself was shocked! I would have been; the universe has quite a horrid track record for surprising its inhabitants...
If you have an answer, I'll be glad to lend an ear. :) Better yet, perhaps Sor himself will...
One long rant...
Date: 2001-12-13 05:35 pm (UTC)Alright, if this is going to be put for the public to see I definitely hafta give my point of view. I should note that Soreth intends to post a distilled version of a fairly complete explanation we gave Mark and Draci, so if you just want the story to judge for yourself, watch for that. What I'm going to do is reply to LITE's comments in particular.
I can't say much about how the breakup with Trill was handled. That was between Soreth and her. I offered whatever help I could give, if Soreth thought there was some way for me to make it easier on her, but given the circumstances I don't think seeing me would've given her any comfort. I would've replied to her lj post except that she specifically asked that I not. If she's reading this... I'm sorry, sis. :( I can't apologize for feeling for Soreth how I do, but I do feel terrible that you've been hurt and I'm, to some extent or another, to blame. :(
Now, about these comments about the depth of Soreth's feelings for me. What you need to understand is that we didn't move from being entertained by each other to, suddenly, being madly in love. For my part, I've loved Soreth for a long time. Time and again I've been forced to step on it, press it down inside me, try anew to accept that he simply could never be mine. I didn't fall for him anytime recently... rather, Soreth (somewhat unintentionally at first) encouraged me, and I stopped restraining myself. I couldn't anymore. He told me he loved me, and while at that time he didn't mean it how I wanted him wanted to, the effect those words had on me (even knowing how he meant it) was profound. That night is what Soreth's mysterious post referred to. However, by the time of his vaguely half-clarifying post, he realized that that night was only the beginning of something.
I said that Soreth told me he loved me that night (Friday). But this is not supposed to indicate that this was a new thing then. Responding to a comment of mine about how he'd completely undone my depression with a few short words, he said something like 'Who knew? If I had, I'd have said them a thousand thousand times by now.'. In actuality there was one time he did say them before, but the circumstances were rather unusual, and I hadn't been so depressed then, so they didn't have the incredible rejuvenating impact they did on Friday, and so there was no escalating effect in Soreth's eyes either. It was just a nice gesture.
(Turns out I need to split my reply into two pieces or LJ gets mad, so I'll cut the first part here.)
(continued)
Date: 2001-12-13 05:36 pm (UTC)LITE, you seem to think that Soreth woke up with this 'ache' and said oh, I think I'll completely redirect the course of my life based on this. For quite a while now, he's loved me. Whenever I lost my grip on my feelings for him and they flared up to the point where I had to mention it to him, he would say something like he wished he could be that for me, but that he didn't think he could. In fact, his words that first... healed me on Friday were:
Soreth pages: But yes. If I thought it'd work in some way, if I thought I was
gay, if I thought I could give you what you need... in a heartbeat.
Soreth pages: Well, actually, uh... more time than that. >..<
Soreth pages: Since I'd have to find some way of Trillian not killing me.
At this point, obviously, he /didn't/ think it would work, as he hadn't for quite a while, which is why we'd remained friends and nothing more.
Also, Soreth did not 'just realize' that about his feelings for Trillian, and she knows this. Some time before this, he overcame his discomfort to tell Trillian that he /didn't know/ whether he loved her as more than a sister or not. This is known as HONESTY. At that point he wasn't making any other plans as far as I know, but rather than let her be confident he felt something he wasn't sure of, he made himself get that out in the open. If I had any effect on his realization that his love for Trillian is not romantic, it was only to give him something against which to compare what he felt for her.
Now, LITE, you're quite welcome to predict and prophesize whatever you want regarding our future together. But I should note I am coming to accept Soreth's draconity. Quite a while back I told him that I'd moved from actively disbelieving him to considering the possibility but being unconvinced, and recently, I've seen just too much evidence that this is not his first pass through life. There is substance to the claim that he has an 'old soul', something he tells me someone noted about him a long time ago. Of course, he's a human NOW, my eyes tell me that. But despite the continued feeble protestations of my skeptical nature, I believe he was something else before, and that something of that previous life has carried into this one within him.
As far as religion, well... I guess I'm still an agnostic with atheist tendencies. Unconvinced on any count there. I gave the Wiccan Goddess the same chance I gave Jehovah, Allah, and every other deity brought to my attention, the request to show me in whatever way they saw fit that they were real... and I've yet to get any feedback from on high. The only thing I can think of in my life that I can still remember that I would classify as a miracle is Soreth and I coming together like this, and no higher powers have stepped forward to claim responsibility for that.
Well, I guess that covers what I have to say about LITE's post. I was going to make one of my own but, for now, I think this is enough running of Josh's mouth.
doh
Date: 2001-12-13 05:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2001-12-13 06:43 pm (UTC)Soreth and I have been close for years, anyone who knows him probably at least knows of me, and I'll be here to support my brother in any endeavor that will bring him closer to happiness, reguardless of how awkward it may seem at first.
As for the situation with Trillain, since I don't spend too much time around Chaotic, I unfortunately can't comment on that, but my heart goes out to her, it's never fun to have a relationship ended on such blunt terms.
And so, I guess I'll stop rambling and attempt to get to know Josh better, if he's going to be a future brother-in-law. :)