hkellick | Network

ysobel posting in

Dear Miss Manners: What is the polite way to eat large sushi rolls? Sometimes they’re too big to comfortably eat whole without gagging!

Dissect them.

Miss Manners does not usually condone deconstructing food in public, but these are desperate times. Use your chopsticks to pull out the insides and eat them separately. Then either squish the remaining rice and seaweed together and eat it in two bites or use the side of the chopstick to cut it in half.

Perhaps the sight of their beautiful creations being desecrated will inspire the chefs to make more manageable bites. Or at least have them wonder why everyone is suddenly ordering them as takeout instead.

mx_morden

I know almost half of the month is gone, but I'm hoping I'll manage to read these four:

Untitled-design-1

before December. Cross your fingers for me, because I'm being REALLY bad at reading, lately :°

sholio

christmas book cover with a couple, falling snow, small town

It is free book time again! This is a Christmas romance, a full length novel unrelated to my other series (though obviously it has shifter-romance-style werewolves in it). The link will work until the book goes live on Amazon on the 21st.

This book went through heavier rewrites than my books normally do, so please let me know if you notice any typos or inconsistencies and I will try to fix them!

As always, no obligation, but feel free to download and enjoy.

Free download from Bookfunnel:
https://dl.bookfunnel.com/1c4ety8smh

brithistorian

One of the magazines I read is Korea Magazine, published by the Korean Ministry of Sports, Culture, and Tourism.[^1]. Yesterday I was reading the July 2025 issue[^2] and I encountered an interesting article which reminded me of the quote which I used as the title for this post.[^3]

You know how towns have festivals highlighting whatever product the town is famous for? You know: Crawfish festival, potato festival, mullet festival, and so on. Well, apparently the South Korean town of Boryeong is famous for their mud, to the point that they have a festival for it.

Once you get past the oddity of having a festival about mud, it's actually a good story that other places[^4] could benefit from: Boryeong was previously a coal-mining town, then when the mines closed in the early 1990s, they needed some other product to give the town a reason to exist. They discovered that the mud in the flats around the town was rich in bentonite and germanium, both of which are apparently beneficial for the skin, and so Boryeong went into the mud business. And now the mud festival, originally organized to promote the mud business, has become big enough to become an industry of its own, with mud-based entertainment opportunities, live music, and Korean music shows coming out to film episodes at the festival. The mud festival is now big enough to attract international visitors to Boryeong, most of whom would almost certainly not have even heard of Boryeong without the festival, much less have gone there. "Famous for our mud," indeed.

[^1] It used to be a free paper magazine, but now it's strictly an e-magazine.

[^2] I read a lot of magazines, but except for The Nation I don't read any of them in anything like a timely manner.

[^3] For those of you who don't recognize it, it's from My Cousin Vinny, which I highly recommend if you haven't watched it yet.

[^4] I'm looking at you, West Virginia.

marycatelli posting in

books

Mirror Mirror by Sarah Mlynowski

The adventures conclude! Spoilers for the earlier ones ahead!

( Read more... )

minoanmiss

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Current Mood: inspired

purplecat

A stretch of high castle wall including an impressively solid gatehouse. Two big turrets flank two stories. Four windows on the upper floor and a single central arched entrance on the lower floor.

Beaumaris

smallhobbit

Read book on Brueghel

I had planned to finish this in September, which I would have managed had I started reading it in April, but I didn't begin until June, so I've only just finished now. But it's still done within the year.

This book has almost all the paintings by Brueghel the Elder. I had requested it as a Christmas present, and had read up on a few of the paintings, but this time I worked all through the book. The paintings themselves are wonderful - very detailed and certainly worth looking at closely. The book was semi-interesting, helpfully pointing out details not to be missed, but at the same time the theological interpretation was very much of the author and extremely narrow-minded. Every painting was examined in the same way, and I frequently disagreed with the interpretation.

Having said that, I didn't want the book for the commentary, but to have the paintings and the challenge this year was to look properly at them, so I was happy with the outcome.

brithistorian

For as long as I can remember, I've disliked sleep. It seems like the biggest waste of time there could possibly be. I've used sleep as an argument against intelligent design — not necessarily against "design," but at the very least against "intelligent": Designing a mechanism that has to be shut down for at least 1/3 of its lifespan in order to function doesn't strike me as a very good idea. Combine this with my perfectionist/workaholic tendencies and you end up with someone who goes full tilt until they just can't anymore, at which point I end up going to bed several hours early, regardless of what I'm leaving undone, because I just physically cannot stay awake any longer.

I know it's not the healthiest way to do things, but I just can't seem to help myself, and until they come up with a chemical substitute for sleep that has fewer side effects than meth or cocaine, well. . . there I am. Or, well, there I was. As we were driving home from the dentist yesterday, A. came up with a way to weaponize my perfectionism against me: Make rest a quantifiable plan/goal for me to work toward (quantifiable both so that I can be sure that I'm doing it and also so that I can know when I've done it enough and don't have to do it anymore). She managed to get me to commit to two 10-minute meditations a week along with one night a week where I don't write (as writing is the last thing I do every day, so it often delays my bedtime). She tried to get me to commit to two meditations and two nights of not writing, I tried to talk her down to two meditations and one night where I try not to write, and this is what we settled on. I'm willing to concede that it's possible that taking this additional rest will make me so much more productive in the time that I'm not resting that I won't resent the time spent resting. On the other hand, if 52 years of sleeping almost every night hasn't reconciled me to the necessity of sleeping. . .

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend and I were watching a popular TV series together. The show is based on high schoolers who struggle with substance use disorder, mental health, anger management, sexual exploitation and more. We both were making comments regarding our shock throughout the episodes, but at some point, my friend looked over to me and said he feels sorry for my future children. I was wounded. That is such a strong statement.

I tried to unpack with him what he had said, but I didn't get far. He shared that he thought my expectations were too aggressive and that no kid will be able to thrive around me. I think of parenting as a balance between structure and vulnerability, and I've always hoped I will be an honest and understanding mom. Neither of us has children, by the way.

I want my friend to know his harsh critiques impacted me and that he should be more mindful with his opinions in the future. Is it even worth revisiting this conversation? -- Bad Mom

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princessofgeeks

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Current Mood: depressed

prixmium

I am the kind of person for whom general strokes spoilers don't bother me at all. In fact, my best friend is pretty correct that strategic, bullet point type spoilers for something make me more inclined to finish it or give it a shot in the first place.

The other day, she finished up the Amphoreus plot in Honkai Star Rail.

She's been playing HSR since launch, but she never tried to get me into it despite my being a slow but interested Genshin player until this plot came around.

I come and go with my ability to focus on even playing video games, but I love it so much.

Participating in a fic big bang earlier this year kind of hurt my confidence in a weird way that most other writing challenges have not. I don't know if it was just timing or what.

I really want my writing juice back. My daydream space seems to be coming back just a little bit, but so far I cannot make it shape anything that I can turn into something I can share. I'm creatively frustrated but maybe not as hopeless as I was. Hope it sticks.

Current Mood: artistic

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

1. Dear Eric: For the last 45 years or so I’ve hosted Thanksgiving for my family. I’ve had as many as 25 people. My sister has two sons, and they’ve always stayed with me. Quite frankly, it’s now an issue. Only one son comes but he now has three sons of his own, ranging from 22 to 8. My sister also stays with me. They come on Wednesday and stay till Friday. It’s a lot considering all I have to do for the holiday.

I know if I say something about a hotel, they will be highly insulted.

My daughter also comes and stays, but that’s different. She’s one person and my daughter. Advice?

– Overwhelmed

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****

2. Dear Prudence,

My brother has good relationships with everybody but refuses to be part of Thanksgiving, Christmas, or large group events because he says that while he loves us individually, we’re a nightmare collectively. I get it and, frankly, I would love to do the same—my parents and wider family are lovely but bicker and squabble when they get together, particularly over politics, which gets ever uglier. But I also know that my family finds his attitude deeply hurtful. I’m stuck between wanting to opt out myself or trying to persuade him to change his mind because I can see how sad it makes my mother. My instinct is to stay out of it; we’re all adults. But I also feel a bit jealous and miffed. Is there a way forward?

—Stuck in the Middle

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****

3. Dear A.J.,

My husband’s brother, “George,” is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for eight months. The thing is, Thanksgiving is coming up, and we’ve always served wine with dinner.

My husband thinks it would be completely inappropriate for us to do so this year because George is coming over, and he doesn’t want him to be “tempted.” I understand that George is going to be battling his alcoholism for the rest of his life, but at the same time, he can’t expect the world around him to be dry everywhere he goes and needs to be able to navigate settings where alcohol is served. This is turning into a sticking point between my husband and me. Is my husband right? Am I being thoughtless?

—Warring Over Wine

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

1. Dear Eric: I am in my late 30s. I live halfway across the country from my parents, and don't have the best relationship with them. I also have a brother four years younger than me who I have been estranged from for 20 years.

My brother doesn't live with my parents, but he lives in the same city my parents do. If I visit, my parents will tell him and have him come over. I have no intentions of reconciling with him, as he did some horrible things to me 20 years ago which I can never forgive him for.

With my parents, things don't get through unless I take drastic measures. How do I go about conveying my desires not to see him? My plan would be to tell them they have to tell him he can't come to their house while I'm there, and if they don't respect my wishes, I simply won't see them. And that my parents can't just say they want to see me and not respect my conditions for the visit. I wanted your perspective on how I can "lay down the law" and enforce it.

– Unwelcome Home

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*****

2. Dear Annie: I'm 28 and recently moved back in with my parents to save money after a tough breakup. I'm grateful for the support, but I'm having trouble with my mom's behavior. She constantly comments on my weight, how I dress, or how much I'm on my phone. Last week, she said I'd have "better luck" if I wore makeup and "put myself out there more."

I've tried brushing it off, but it's starting to wear me down. I've asked her, gently, to stop making comments about my appearance, but she just laughs and says she's "trying to help." My dad usually stays quiet or tells me not to be so sensitive.

I really want to move out, but I can't afford to just yet. Do I have to suffer through the next few months or is there a way to get through to her? -- Tired Daughter in Transition

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***********

3. Dear Annie: My wife and I visit our daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter two or three times a year for about three days each visit. It's a five- to six-hour drive for us. Both my wife and I have severe asthma primarily from cat allergies, and we struggle with wheezing and irritated eyes every time we visit. My SIL has cat allergies, too.

Recently, their cat died (finally), and I urged my daughter to consider not getting another one. I explained our situation clearly, stating that if she did so, we'd have to stay at a hotel or B&B during future visits. She just got two more cats.

What would you think? -- Allergic and Angry

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************

4. Dear Annie: My husband, "Keith," and I have been married for 12 years. We've always been a team when it comes to parenting our two kids, ages 9 and 6, but lately I've noticed a shift. Keith has become increasingly harsh with them, especially our oldest, "Ben." He'll snap over small things -- like a jacket left on the floor or a missed chore -- and his tone has turned cold and critical.

I've brought it up several times, but Keith insists he's "just trying to teach them responsibility." I understand that, but I worry he's doing more harm than good. Ben has started shutting down emotionally, and our younger one is now walking on eggshells.

When I try to step in and soften things, Keith accuses me of "undermining" him. I'm stuck between protecting my kids and maintaining a united front as parents. I've suggested counseling, but he refuses, saying we don't need it.

How do I support my children without turning this into a bigger conflict between me and my husband? And how do I get Keith to see that his approach may be damaging? -- Worried Wife and Mom

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**************

5. Dear Care and Feeding,

I was once an academic competition prodigy. I was one word away from making the National Spelling Bee. My family would always attend these events, including my sister. However, when my sister started her own events, like the middle school choir, my disdain for attending was quite obvious through my groans and moans. I was a high schooler myself and quite self-centered. At her graduation, I volunteered not to go and opted instead to meet them at the restaurant where we would be celebrating.

I was 100 percent wrong for doing this. Now I am two years out of college, and my sister is almost done with her undergraduate degree. Since then, we haven’t really talked, though things are mostly cordial between us. I can count the conversations I’ve had with her since I turned 18 on one hand. My sister frequently states that when she makes it out, she probably will be a stranger to the family, and she doesn’t respond a lot to my parents or other family when they contact her. I admit that we don’t have many common interests, and I don’t know much about her, but it feels wrong not to be close to your own sister. Is there anything I can do, or is this relationship beyond repair?

—Is There a Chance?

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*****

6. Dear Care and Feeding,

In the ‘70s and ‘80s, my learning disabilities were undiagnosed, and I was the “stupid” one in the family. As an adult, I know myself to be very intelligent, but my siblings never realized this, and they have passed on their attitudes to their school-age children.

The kids do not believe me when I speak to them about current events or anything fact-based. When they ask an adult at large to spell something, and I reply, they check my response with another adult. I told one of them a medical fact, and they told me flatly that their parent was much, much smarter, and their parent said otherwise, so I must be wrong. (The fact that I do not work due to a medical issue probably contributes to their perception of me as extremely unintelligent.)

My siblings think this is hilarious. I am hurt. I want to have a relationship with the kids while I still can. I have tried explaining learning disabilities and multiple intelligences to the kids, but I think they just see it as me lecturing them. I only see them every few months anyway. Is this battle even worth fighting? If so, how?

—The Uncle

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*****

7. DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I get someone who believes in tough love to understand that that does not resonate with me? For a long time, my siblings and I have had strained relationships with our mom because of how crass she can be. She has strong and often negative opinions, and she is not shy about sharing them. I was recently admitted to a two-year college. I am in my late 20s and didn't prioritize college when I was 18 like my parents wanted.

Apparently, there's still some resentment there, because when I announced which school I'd be going to, my mom snickered and asked me if I was proud of that school. When she realized that she had offended me, she said that she was trying to encourage me. I can't keep letting her impose her negativity on me. Mocking me is NOT encouragement. I don't know how to get her to see that, though. -- Never Good Enough

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****

8. DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got into a heated argument with my dad, and it's been bothering me ever since. The fight started when I told him I wanted to move to a different city for a job opportunity. He criticized my decision, saying I was being reckless and that I should stay closer to home where things are "safe" and familiar. I tried to explain why this move was important for my career and independence, but he kept bringing up past choices he didn't agree with, like leaving my old job and choosing a career path he hadn't expected. Before I knew it, I was yelling back, telling him that I need to make my own decisions and that his constant criticism feels controlling.

We haven't spoken in a few days, and I feel a mix of frustration, guilt and sadness. I love my dad and value his opinion, but I feel like he doesn't trust me to make my own choices. I want to reach out and repair our relationship, but I don't want to be the only one apologizing if he doesn't acknowledge his role in the argument. How do I approach him in a way that expresses my feelings honestly while also opening the door for reconciliation? Is it possible to set boundaries and stand firm on my decisions without damaging our relationship further? -- Dad Divide

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Eric: Over the course of our 26-year marriage I have caught my wife in numerous lies. We started marriage counseling three months ago and during an early session I asked if we could finally be truthful with each other, no more lies. No such luck.

Years ago, her brother suddenly fled and left all his belongings. She put them in storage but when I found out I told her to remove them or have him pay the monthly fee. Today I discovered she has been paying for her brother’s monthly storage bill for at least 10 years without my knowledge. That comes to $16,500. It may even be higher.

Initially she said she was being reimbursed. I asked for proof. She said she would show me. Then she changed her story to say it's her money and she can spend it however she chooses, so forget the proof. Pretty sure there never was any proof of reimbursement. My wife believes the best defense is to go on the offense, and she does it a lot.

I am married to a liar, a sneak, someone with no conscience. What should I do?

– Deceived Again

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

My 5-year-old daughter, “Wren,” has been a nail-biter for the past six months. Nothing my husband and I tried could break her of the habit. Then miraculously, she stopped. When I mentioned my relief to my mother-in-law, she took credit for it. Then she told me her “solution.”

She told Wren that her hair would fall out if she kept biting her nails! I’m not sure how to feel about this. On the one hand, I’m pissed my mother-in-law would lie to my daughter. On the other hand, it worked. Do I need to tell Wren the truth, or can my husband and I (at least for the time being) keep up the ruse?

—Something to Chew On

( WTF )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Carolyn: I recently completed a major renovation project to my backyard, and my mother expressed disappointment that I haven’t invited her over to see it. I told her I was waiting to do a big unveiling, but the truth — which I confessed to my brother — is that I’m anxious about her opinion because she and I have different tastes.

She is the type of person who will always compliment you verbally, but you can often tell by her expression how she really feels. I described her as rather fake, but my brother said I am being unfair. He pointed out that I could be accused of being equally judgmental by holding against someone not their words and actions, but my own belief about what’s going on inside their head, whether or not it’s true. I had never thought of it that way.

My brother never seems to care about other people’s opinions. I’d like to try his mindset, which seems very freeing, but I don’t know how. It’s especially hard to embrace the idea that I’m supposed to just let it slide when I feel silently critiqued or when someone is only being nice to my face.

Am I oversensitive? Then what’s the right level of sensitivity? Any tips for me?

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brithistorian

I was watching a couple of YouTube videos tonight when I happened to notice a new song from Kiiras in the sidebar, released less than 30 minutes ago at that time (33 minutes ago as I write this). I had loved Kiiras' debut song, Kill Ma Bo$$, because who wouldn't love a K-pop take on country music, so I jumped in and listed to this one right away. I loved it, was the 249th person to click "Like," and then came right over here to share it with all of you.

Watch on YouTube

ETA: I didn't notice this until A. pointed it out to me (which I was rather embarrassed by): Their name is the "Hangul-ization" of the English word "Killers."

torachan

1. I had late afternoon meetings today, but both were by web, so rather than take them at work and then get home later, I came home early and took them at home, which worked out nicely.

2. Carla made egg salad and we had sandwiches for dinner and they were very tasty. Had some zesty yuzu potato chips with them, which I brought home from work the other day, and those were also very tasty.

3. I always see people doing Throwback Thursday photos after I've already uploaded my cat photo for the day, but today I remembered before uploading! Look how cuddly Molly and Chloe were when they were babies!

jenab

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The color of infinity inside an empty glass

The random insanity of your not-entirely-typical geek

Um what

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Wounded Christmas Wolf

Yep, we're famous for our mud

Mirror Mirror

A dot of bloom

Random Castle

25 Things in 2025 - Thing #14

Coping with a design flaw

Harriette continues to be the worst

Free to good home

spoilers never both me

Thanksgiving

Terrible families!

Geez, this dude....

(no subject)

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SOTD: Kiiras, "Bang Bang"

Daily Happiness

Tis the upcoming holidays

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