Kristenness

[hkellick]

It's lunch time, so I'm going to take a few minutes to write a livejournal despite the fact that, I swear, every time I do something NON-work related, my new roomie shows up and I'm wondering what he thinks of me. Oh well.. I *AM* getting work done today, so yay! :)

The weekend was.. mostly good.
Friday, I was pretty depressed all day. Hence my depressing LJ post. In all honesty, I am still frustrated with what seems like a lack of progress on some very important fronts. I need to make progress and soon. :/ I need to grow up, get out of here and move ON with my life.

Went to Rochester and got there early and Kristen was making cookies :) Yay, cookies! :) Sadly, and I strongly suspect because neither of us was truly happy about Kristen jobness, we start being snippy at each other. After a short argument, we held each other and talked and discussed alot of the things frustrating each other.
Then we went to go see Carbon Leaf.
I have alot of thoughts about Carbon Leaf, but I think what bothers me most is the expectation that I should have enjoyed myself and what's wrong me that I didn't. I've gotten the third degree from two people now and I must admit that I'm more bothered by this then the fact that I didn't enjoy myself at the concert. Yes, it may have been that I was overly grumpy and unwilling to have fun, but.. I didn't know the words, I felt embarassed that all my friends seemed to be enjoying themselves more than me and, well.. I dunno, it just didn't do it for me. Maybe one day I'll be willing to try another concert when I'm in a better mood, but otherwise kindly get off my case, K?
Went to bed late, slept.. well, I've slept better...
Anyways, we didn't do much Saturday except for meet up with dawnstar, kolys, blackfelicula and hbbtrbbtbcnbt for ring shopping, half a game of 1000 Blank White Cards (I definately think you wanna cut the deck size in half or something, kolys. There are too many cards and you want to allow others to make cards as they go along. We also played a game of Curses, which is fun, but I agree that it's much more fun with more players. Four players is fun.. but really really fun games have seven or eight players. So one day, we'll have to get all the brain together and force all of them to play ;) Anyways, seeing people was fun and I'm glad that there was no leftover friction between hbbtrbbtbcnbt and I.
Sunday, was.. mostly good. Woke up earlier than I should have, my back aching.. helped Kristen get ready to go to the UU church, then watched a couple of episodes of El-Hazard while Kristen was in church. We ended up trying to take a nap, but by then, I had a killer headache that would NOT go away. In fact, I'm pretty sure that while Kristen got a fairly quick snooze, I never got to do more than roll around wishing the head pain would go away. Got up and started doing job stuffs with Kristen. Actually, all we did was put a searchable resume on monster.com.. I've gotten two responses: Some headhunter company called Sanders-Abbott, which I'll probably check out and American Express looking for Financial Advisors which.. I think not. No thank you.
Then... well, by then, we made a quick dinner and.. the crying started.

I've calmed down since Friday and am feeling slightly more philsophical about the whole thing. I can honestly see everything working out for the best despite how hard things will be for the next four months. I'm not dumb. I do realize that things could get very painful over the next four months.. especially if I end up moving away for a job.
Right now, I'm looking for ways to make the transition and the next four months easier.
What we've come up with right now is... well, she'd be out of the house from ABOUT 11:00 til 8:30.. so hopefully I'll be able to call her on a nearly daily basis.. and.. I'm hanging onto that. Especially since I probably WON'T see her much on AIM anymore.
I'll probably try to write in LJ again every day... some sort of daily something.. LJ, perhaps.. or a daily email. I haven't decided.
Meeting.. well, at the moment, while I'm in Buffalo and she's in Rochester, we probably will continue to try to be with each other once a week. I guess what bothers me the most is that our time will be cut to a few hours a day. She'll be sleeping while I'd be working and I'll be sleeping while she'd be working.. that sort of "officially" leaves us the few hours in between, but from my experience, that time is pretty scarce. That'd be when she'd need to do domestic things and when I'd need to be helpful to family.
I know that I wouldn't be content with the occasional email or LJ post in which she talks about her life. I'd miss her voice, her presence, HER. Kristen over the internet is a poor substitute for a real Kristen.
I dunno. I want to be able to plan something, to know that these options exist, but... I also know that I can't really plan.
I have no idea what's going to happen. I have no idea whether there actually will be enough time for sleep, work and each other. And that scares the hell out of me. I don't want to let her go. I want this to work.
How the hell do I make this work?
How do I get over the unfortunate realities of conflicting schedules and still make a relationship work?
How did those of you who have lived through this.. or are living through it.. make it?

Comments

[chrissmari.livejournal.com]

I lived through it.
I didn't make it through the other end, sadly.
No matter what-- my advice is to not let it go long distance more than a year. At a year--reevaluate and see if you guys are willing to sacrifice to be together. If not.. move on. Hanging on any longer than that will kill the relationship. That's what happened to me.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

I've been dealing with various schedule ickies for a while with mechanchaos. Granted, we share the same house, but feeling torn between wanting to be close with my husband and needing to be up with my son has been very straining. Often one or the other of us has had to skimp on sleep and risk crankiness to grab the tendrils of togetherness that we could reach. I've found it helpful to remember that I love him in order to combat crankiness when we do that. It isn't infallible, but it helps.

[kareila]

The main thing is not to try to do too much. If you have to go longer periods of time without seeing each other, don't act like the world is going to end. If you do, it'll just make you both that much more miserable. Have faith in each other and keep your eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel.

Yes, talking online and on the phone is a poor substitute for being together, but when Robby and I were a thousand miles apart, we just had to deal with it. In that respect we may have actually had it easier because we didn't have the option of exhausting ourselves to spend more time together. We just had to live with it and wait until we could be together again. We wrote lots of long mushy letters to each other so that we still knew what the other person was thinking about.

[janinedog]

As you know, Marky and I were long-distance for over a year before we were close enough to each other to see each other at least once a week.

It was definitely difficult, but the main thing to keep in mind is to be open and to tell each other what's happening. Even if it's just a quick e-mail or whatever, let the other person know if you won't be around during a time when you normally would be. Communication is really key, especially in long-distance relationships.

And, as Jen said, try not to dwell on the bad parts. Keep telling yourselves that you'll be together again in x months, days, hours, etc. I'm sure that it's harder for you guys because you've lived close to each other first before doing long-distance (even if you still do live close, but your schedules don't match up).

Just be optimistic about it. That's really important, because if you let yourself be depressed about it for too long, it just gets to be a burden. Sure, you can't help getting depressed about it every so often...just don't do it constantly.

And, most importantly, remind each other how much you love each other as much as you can. It really does help.

*snugs* Good luck to both of you.

[dustkitten.livejournal.com]

Adam and I were about an hour and ten minutes apart. Eventually, he ended up staying at my house a few times a week, and then moved in altogether.

Changes had to be made to spend the kind of time we wanted to. Adam can no longer see his family or best friend as much as he'd like. He sets aside one night a week for them when he sometimes doesn't sleep at home. He is not "home" in his head, really, but I was not willing to have Tash change schools. Maybe next year, we can move somewhere closer to civilization and cut a nice fifteen minutes out of his drive time to work. It's kinda complicated.

It's weird, because when we lived together before, it was a total disaster. We were SO crowded, emotionally. And now, even though we see each other every day, it's not enough. It really isn't about proximity so much as your life. If you're bored, you're more likely to miss the person. If you have things going on, you usually get caught up in them. Time passes faster.

Long-term planning is really good for LDR's, and I agreed with whoever said don't let it go over a year. Saying things like, "Okay, after x months of a relationship, I'd like us to..." Be in the same city. Move in together. SOMETHING. A goal. Something to look forward to, not living in a vague sense of "we're apart." You know?

-A-

[cheshire23.livejournal.com]

Well...when skrshawk and I started dating, he was about 2 hours away and working C-shift while I had my standard 7-3:30 days.

Yeah, it was annoying, and we had all kinds of weird ways of coping with it - he'd drive up after work, sleep while I was at work, and wake up around when I got home, or I'd drive him to work and sleep in my car in the convenience store parking lot. :)

I'm glad those days are over, but I'd do it again if I had to. It was definitely worth it. You'll find ways to deal with this that wouldn't even have occurred to you in the beginning.

[circa.livejournal.com]

When Andy and I got together, he was in Edinburgh and I in Aberdeen - 100 miles apart, which is less then some, but enough to make it hard.

We managed to go for months at a time not seeing each other. It was hard, I spent a lot of time crying myself to sleep and hanging onto the next time we'd see each other.

Then he moved up here, we moved in together, we got past some difficult problems and we got married.

And then we started working opposite shifts. He worked office hours (9-5) and I was away at 9pm, home at 8am. I didn't even see him in the morning, and he didn't get home until after 6 at night. So we were in the same house, but it was hard.

Then we moved to Edinburgh. Due to our finances, I ended up coming back to Aberdeen. He stayed in Edinburgh for his job. It felt like we'd gone full circle and gotten nowhere.

Now we're back living together again, and maybe seeing too much of each other :) But the future in that respect is uncertain. I'll either get good funding for uni, or no funding - if I get good funding I -will- leave the area to study because I will get accomodation expenses, and I'll probably want to go to the best Uni I can, leaving behind my husband and my son at term times, to do the best I can for them in the future.

Life is just hard sometimes to make it interesting. My mum and dad spend 2 weeks of every 4 apart, my dad working offshore to give her the lifestyle she craved (which ultimately left them both unhappy). From that, I've learnt to do things that make ME happy, and I'd fully expect Andy to do the same.

I'm thinking of ya. I know this probably didn't help, but I think we're proof that even against unsurmountable odds, you can pull through if the relationship is right. Best of luck to both of you *hugs*

[circa.livejournal.com]

Oh, and because I'm incredibly stupid, I forgot to mention the internet bit.

Anything based on the internet isn't as good as it is in reality - we've gone through this with friends, and relationships are the same.

I could talk to Andy on elephant, and it was nice, but a lot of the time it made me feel hollow and empty afterwards at the beginning of our relationship.

By the time the Aberdeen-Edinburgh rift rolled round for the second time, I was more relived to have some form of contact with him, and regular phone calls.

As for now, we spend so much time together, that during the day I occassionally see him on from work while I'm at home, and it's nice. It's like a throwback to the youth of our relationship, and it's nice because I know he'll be home that night. Talking to him when I know I won't see him for more than a day still hurts.

But sometimes you have to be grateful for the little that you get until the time is right for you to get more.

[hbbtrbbtbcnbt.livejournal.com]

*hugs to you both*

Matt and I are going through it right now, as are mechanchaos and blackfelicula, having one on nights/evenings, and the other more or less on a day schedule. It is a pain, but you do what you can. For Matt and I, it's been making 'us time' a priority, making sure we take date nights more frequently, making sure we're communicating when we do see each other. We've never had the LD aspect to deal with, which helps, but I imagine that as long as you guys make time for each other, communicate and be patient with each other and the situation, it will be alright.