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hkellickOne of the things that my wife and I are currently struggling with is... a semblance of equality in the household.
I got the chance to stay home two weeks (meaning.. really one week with K and the boy as the first week was in the hospital or going back and forth to the NICU.) I thank my lucky stars I had that much PAID time off and could take it.
And then that was it. Two weeks went by faster than you could believe (and it certainly WAS a blur) and back to work I went.
Double the responsibility, double the stress. Now I not only had to do right by my family, but right enough by my employers. Work has, in general, been understanding of the fact I'm not at my peak, and I'm lucky that my deadlines aren't exactly coming at me at breakneck speed, but work stresses me out. It always has and it likely always will. It's alot of responsibility and while work might be tolerant of being a bit less with it, they are entirely intolerant of me screwing up, so I better not.
Meanwhile, K's mom came down for a couple weeks after I went back to work and helped K keep up with things, and that was.. a mixed blessing. We all knew K's mother was driving me crazy because it wasn't enough that I'd work all day and then come home and have to help K take care of the Squirm, but she had LISTS of things I "had to do".. which led to some resentment.
Now K's mom is gone and, honestly, that's just as well. It gives us a chance to find our own equilibrium. Some things are not as clean as they used to be when K's mom was here, but.. HELLO.. NEW PARENTS! I'm OK with that. We're getting the major stuff done.
But now that we're stuck trying to find equilibrium, there's a question of.. a sort of broad equality.
At least, I look at it on the broad side. K stays home and watches the baby all day. I go to work all day. K stays at home all night and takes care of the baby (with some help from me. I don't leave her stranded all night as well.), I take care of the cooking, the cleaning, most of the laundry, the garbage and cat litter. AKA: the important stuff.
Sometimes that's not enough for either of us. Usually when we're both low on spoons and barely coping. That's when the grumpies and the small fights happen.
I guess we're all waiting for that miraculous future day when things get, as everyone says they will, better. When the Squirm sleeps in the cosleeper instead of having to sleep on K or I. Sleeping longer than two or three hours will be nice too, but, really, we're waiting for the day K can PUT HIM DOWN for an extended period of time.
That day.. will be a very happy day.
I got the chance to stay home two weeks (meaning.. really one week with K and the boy as the first week was in the hospital or going back and forth to the NICU.) I thank my lucky stars I had that much PAID time off and could take it.
And then that was it. Two weeks went by faster than you could believe (and it certainly WAS a blur) and back to work I went.
Double the responsibility, double the stress. Now I not only had to do right by my family, but right enough by my employers. Work has, in general, been understanding of the fact I'm not at my peak, and I'm lucky that my deadlines aren't exactly coming at me at breakneck speed, but work stresses me out. It always has and it likely always will. It's alot of responsibility and while work might be tolerant of being a bit less with it, they are entirely intolerant of me screwing up, so I better not.
Meanwhile, K's mom came down for a couple weeks after I went back to work and helped K keep up with things, and that was.. a mixed blessing. We all knew K's mother was driving me crazy because it wasn't enough that I'd work all day and then come home and have to help K take care of the Squirm, but she had LISTS of things I "had to do".. which led to some resentment.
Now K's mom is gone and, honestly, that's just as well. It gives us a chance to find our own equilibrium. Some things are not as clean as they used to be when K's mom was here, but.. HELLO.. NEW PARENTS! I'm OK with that. We're getting the major stuff done.
But now that we're stuck trying to find equilibrium, there's a question of.. a sort of broad equality.
At least, I look at it on the broad side. K stays home and watches the baby all day. I go to work all day. K stays at home all night and takes care of the baby (with some help from me. I don't leave her stranded all night as well.), I take care of the cooking, the cleaning, most of the laundry, the garbage and cat litter. AKA: the important stuff.
Sometimes that's not enough for either of us. Usually when we're both low on spoons and barely coping. That's when the grumpies and the small fights happen.
I guess we're all waiting for that miraculous future day when things get, as everyone says they will, better. When the Squirm sleeps in the cosleeper instead of having to sleep on K or I. Sleeping longer than two or three hours will be nice too, but, really, we're waiting for the day K can PUT HIM DOWN for an extended period of time.
That day.. will be a very happy day.
