Things Going On In My Life

[hkellick]

There are two major frustrations in my life right now, and I think while I have some time to kill, I want to talk about them.

1) My Thesis - I've been forced to work odd and long hours for 2 1/2 - 3 weeks now just trying to get results of my thesis work to LimnoTech, the company that A) One of my advisors is on and B) who hosts the LOTOX model I need to work with.
To remind those of you who don't memorize such things, my thesis is to combine a water velocity model (named POM) with a toxics and bioaccumulation model (named LOTOX) for Lake Ontario.
The trick is to average the velocities appropriate over the boundaries of those LOTOX grids and to determine some average velocity and mixing term.
This is done. We THINK it's done properly.
There are a couple of problems:
1) When we did that, we didn't take into account that the water elevation can change with time. This should be a small change, but an important one.
2) We MAY have averaged the velocity wrong over each POM grid.
3) The biggest problem... each LOTOX boundary is a fixed curvilinear grid. What we're measuring is the flow OVER that boundary (hence only the component normal to that boundary). If the velocity is going mostly tangential to the boundary, than you lose most of the flow going over the boundary. This is a problem.

So, anyways.. a little more than a week ago, we gave values for flow and dispersion that we (my thesis advisor and I) were happy with and sent them off.
They returned them within a day and told us that the model didn't like the values because of sudden and off changes of sign (where the velocities became more tangential than normal to the boundaries, then "Switched' so that the normal component was going the other way. Very believable.
So we returned them a month average velocity.
But no, that doesn't conserve mass (not that the LOTOX model NEEDS to in each LOTOX cell, nor, my advisor feels, should it.).
So we sent them two sets of numbers that conserve mass (the latter was better than the former due to less change in velocity).
And yet, they still aren't happy with the results, the model doesn't like what we're giving it. At this point in time, my suspicion is.. it's not us, but the model itself. Not that these suspicions are lightening my work load.

2) Josh
I know I mentioned in an earlier post that Josh's car broke, dad wouldn't let him his own while he was away and Josh is now just PISSED at Dad.
At the time, we didn't think anything of it. He has every right to be pissed at dad. But it did seem a bit odd to my mom that it was just so much anger and so quickly.
Last Monday, my brother and I fought. Hard. I accused him of getting lazy. He accused me of being lazy. The usual routine. He stalked off when I told him I didn't think it was unfair if he kept his door open and the best he could say was "You don't understand. I can't sleep with the door open."
At the time, I really felt he was being a selfish little bitch.
Friday we fought again. We were supposed to have hot dogs on Friday. I was stuck at work and we needed hot dog rolls and milk and I called him up and asked him to get it and he accuses me of being lazy again. He hasn't really talked to me since then. We just ignore each other.
And that's very uncomfortable for me.. and for mom.
Mom's mad at him because he HAS slacked off on jobs too (He's home all day, but doesn't actually do much) and yelled at him and then yelled at him for being stupid and not talking to me.
Which meant nothing. He was just THAT PISSED at me.
So I asked him why, yesterday. And I didn't raise my voice and did listen.
I didn't respect him and I don't know how to be a good brother, he says.
Explain, I said, give me examples.
He couldn't.
Is this about Friday? No. Monday? No.
So what is it about?
He's just sick of being stepped on.
How have I stepped on you?
No answer.
In the end, he just told me to go away.

I'm not buying it. I'm not buying that this is about me. I'm THINKING that Josh is transferring anger about something (or someone) else onto me. It really does fit. He doesn't DO much besides sit at home, work and classes. He's slacking on jobs. He's irritable.
I think he's depressed. But I have absolutely no idea why and he's not talking to me.

To make matters worse, I told him up front.. this is making me uncomfortable. If you can't come to your senses by next Wednesday, I'll refund you your money for Weird Al tickets because I'm not going with you. I'm not going to subject myself, Todd or Scott to this much anger while I'm enjoying myself. I can really imagine him sitting in his seat, arms crossed, scowling. Why even bother to go then? Maybe I'm being selfish, but I don't think so.

So, yeah. That's my life right now. Other things happening too, of course, but that's what's really weighing on my mind at the moment.

Comments

[phoenixsong]

*hug*

[lawchicky.livejournal.com]

It does sound to me like he's depressed (not that I know THAT much about the situation). All I can say is that if he is depressed, you need to try to be the bigger person about this and just let him know that it bothers you that he's not being as helpful as he should be, that you're not going to put up with it, but that you still love and care about him because he's your brother. (I know all about brothers being the biggest pains in the ass in the world!). Most of all, don't refuse to go to the concert with him. If his scowling will bother you, don't sit next to him, but you should try not to "abandon" him in case he is going through some kind of depression.

[lite.livejournal.com]

*hugback*

[lite.livejournal.com]

it just.. bothers me.
I'm not that close to half my family due to the fact that my father is an asshole and my other brother, though sort of trying, is just.. not there.
The whole situation bothers me a great deal. Especially since I may have a temper, but I am NOT a bad brother. Not at all.

[phoenixsong]

One thing about depression, at least the type your brother may be experiencing, is that being able to rationalize stuff goes right out the window. You may not have done anything explicitly to hurt him at all, or even by accident. But if he's in this sort of mental dark hole and doesn't know how to get himself out of it, anyone else who doesn't pull him out could automatically fall into the "bad person" category.

The problem with this, of course, is that no one can "fix" depression for another person. A support system can help by reminding you of good things in your life -- this would be what you can do for him -- but he can't stop being depressed because you want him to (IMHO). I don't know how close you two are, but letting him know you're listening to him if he wants to talk may be the best, or only, thing you can do to help him.

[lawchicky.livejournal.com]

I completly agree. You can't stop him from being depressed, but you should just let him know that you're there for him if he needs any support. I know this is not an easy thing to do by any means, but it's still the right thing to do.

[dawnstar.livejournal.com]

First of all... *hugs*

I'm sorry things are difficult with your brother when you have so much stuff on your own hands right now.

I do agree with Kristen and Ginamarie about the depression thing. Unfortunately, I'm at a loss for actual /advice/ about the situation, beyond just sitting back and letting him come to his senses. That doesn't mean you have to take abuse in the meantime. It's a delicate situation - trying not to alienate him, but also not letting him take advantage of you.

I guess all I can say is that I wish you strength to work through this with him, and I'm sure it will work out in the end. I'm just not sure which direction to point you, to get there.

If you need/want to talk about it at any point, you know where to find me.

Btw, it occurred to me last night - how is your mother doing??

[lite.livejournal.com]

She's FINALLY back at school, but not actually out of the woods yet.
They want her to go back for tests in about a week and a half.
All I have to say is they better not pull her out of more school. She needs the moeny (and so do I. I lent her some and I'll need it back soonish)