Endeth this chapter of my life

I dunno. I'm sort of in shock. It's done. It's over. I am no longer an undergraduate. I've graduated.
Wow.
I'm sort of still in shock. This is very amusing to me.
Everyone around me is thrilled and proud. My family, my friends, my professors.
I'm just glad that it's over, that I made it!
Then again, I'm also stuck with the major feeling that everything has changed and yet nothing has changed.
After all, I may be a graduate, but I still have to go to school Monday to work on the thesis.

While I'm thinking about it, some of you have questions as to what I've graduated from. So let me try to explain. The Environmental Engineering major is brand new. I'm of the first class. The major isn't even ABET accredited yet. As it is new, there were still two courses that were first offered this last year: Environmental Engineering Practicum and Capstone Design. Except for those *2* courses, I was complete. So Jean, Samuela and I, the three of us who were going to be grad schools got into grad school without our undergrad degree.
So, yes, I HAVE been a grad student and taken graduate level courses, but I only graduated undergraduate today.
Next year, I graduate again, but with a Masters of Science in Civil Engineering.
Next year, I expect to see some of y'all there. Cause after next year, I'm no longer a student!

Anyways, I've come to the conclusion that the ceremony is less for us graduates and more for the family and friends of the graduates, to help them feel proud of their little graduate. Much like y'all feel proud of me.

( So... my day. )

Happy Mother Fuckers Day.

This has not been a good day.
It could have been. Maybe it should have been. But my father ruined it for me.

Part of it is the weather. For those not living in or around Buffalo, we're in the middle of a cold snap. It's been unseasonably cold and rainy every day in May. Part of me is very upset about this. I should be wearing shorts and t-shirts and enjoying the somewhat sunny weather. Today it was so cold that I had to wear jeans and a sweatshirt, it was so fucking cold.
Bloody weather. God damned Buffalo weather.
Looking at the www.weather.com, it's not supposed to get up to 70 degrees even over the next 10 days.
Bloody Hell.
*sigh*

Actually, all in all, it wasn't too bad. We watched Ocean's 11 and had dinner with grandma and her friend Dorothy and made plans for Aida on Saturday (did I mention I'm going to see Aida Saturday afternoon? I am. I'm excited.)
But before dinner, dad called. I answered, he said "Is Josh there?". He never asked "How was graduation?" or "I wish I could have been there." No interest whatsoever in me. And I'm furious.
I'm still his firstborn son. In my mind, even if we didn't have much of a relationship, he should still care enough that I've graduated.
Hell, his own parents cared more about it than he did!
It's one thing to be angry that I didn't officially invite him, but if this is how he handles it...
I doubt I can explain the shear hate I feel for the man at the moment. This is the straw that broke the camel's back.
I can't begin to explain just how angry and upset and hurt I am. But this is it... I want nothing to do with that bastard again. This is it!
*sigh*

Something else is bothering me, but this is much more minor than my father. Something my mother and grandmother both said. I'm 239 now and they both said I should stop losing weight and maintain.
I look at myself and.. I'm still overweight. Not grossly, but overweight. I desire to be THIN. Am I a freak?
I at least want to be the healthy weight of about 200 and they're both like "you shouldn't lose the extra 40 pounds." This boggles my mind. Why shouldn't I? I look pretty good at 240, but *I* think I'll look better at 200... so why shouldn't I lose it?
I dunno... I'm going to lose that 39 lbs. if I can. Then we'll see.
Because, in the end, what my mother and grandmother doesn't matter. I'm the one that has to look at my body in the mirror every day and I'm the one who benefits the most from it. So it's my choice.
I dunno why they both think I shouldn't lose it, though...

Anyways... I'll post this.