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Looking Back
Jun. 24th, 2003 08:36 amI've been thinking abit about Lessons Learned lately.
Here I am, DATING AGAIN (Wai! ^^) and... it's all good.
But I don't want to forget the things I've learned.
The first "Girlfriend" I had... I don't remember her name at all. She seemed like a nice girl.. liked Star Trek, was into computers and computer gaming. My friend Todd had recently broken up with her and they split, so he set us up.
It didn't work. At all. She was really interested only in sex and while that was fun for a while, it was not the basis of a real relationship.
We broke up quickly and I never saw her again.
No idea what she's up to now.
Fast forward through a couple of girls I liked who seemed to like me that I never met: Lisa, Faith, probably a couple other.
I can't say I learned much from them that I wasn't already learning at that time.
That was my years of RIT and as many of you know, I was busy learning some other big life lessons.. about myself, about family, about religion... pretty much finishing the job of molding me and sending me off into the world.
There was Alexis.. Jenn from Sarnia, Ontario.
She and I had pretty similar interests. We were both sort of pagan. We both loved canadian music. We MET MU**ing on... TANSTAFL.
This was still RIT and I was busy fighting windmills.
She was moody and from a very different sort of family as I (her father was top brass in the RCAF) and slightly afraid of sex (more so than I) and.. that didn't work.
Of all my relationships, though, hers and mine was the most normal and the breakup was the easiest.
From her I learned, among other things, that no two women are the same in what they want.. out of a career, out of themselves, out of their future.
It also gave me a reminder that just because you CAN save someone doesn't mean you should. Some people don't want to be saved.
When I last heard, she was looking for a job in Environmental Chemistry. I hope she found it.
Then there was Zazu.. Jen from NH.
Things STARTED Out normally. I told her I liked her. She told me she liked me.
She had a fucked up past. I didn't care. Past is past as long as you learn from it.
But I'm not sure she ever learned from it.
She sucked me in.. and then when I got too close, she threw me out of her life.
Then she went back to making the same mistakes she was making in the past.
We actually broke up OK. Stayed friends for about a year.. then it all ended nastily.
Our last conversation ever involved her being responsible to get tickets to the New Years Eve Barenaked Ladies show in Boston. I would have gone with her, one of her friends, Jen and Robby. She never got them. Not only had she never gotten them, but she waited for a few months to tell us she never got them.
Luckily, BnL picked up a new show on New Years Day and Jen got tickets.
The seats sucked, but the show kicked ass and it remains one of my most cherished memories (can edit out the crappy seats and just remember how energetic and kick ass the show was)
I've learned many things through Zazu.
Past matters. Chances are that how someone's acted in the past.. and how they feel about how they acted in the past.. are good indications of how they'll act in the future.
Sex is STILL not a good basis for a good long-time relationship. And I don't do flings.
Always be honest with your loved ones. Don't play mind games with him (or her). If you can't be honest with your loved ones, how do you expect him (or her) to trust you?
You need to find someone who accepts you as you are.. all of you. If she doesn't accept you, there's just no point.
There are others here.. but I'm not going to go about trashing her too much.
Even if we did part on bad terms, there's still no need for it.
Next attempt at a girlfriend was dove (aka Christina).
When I first met her, she was going to school in Texas, but she LIVED halfway between Rochester and Buffalo.
We officially started dating when she returned home.
We didn't meet up often. and always at my home (I had no car).
I liked her personality at the time. She was the first girl I dated who knew and liked TMBG. That HAD to be a good sign, right?
.. but she was a little too... odd for me.
As I've said before, in certain ways, I am conservative. She wasn't.
When I last heard from her, she was having a baby for a gay couple which, while admirable, did freak me a bit.
By now she would have conceived. I vaguely wonder what happened to her.
We left on fairly decent terms.. but we never talked again.
From her I learned that.. personality still wasn't everything.
dove was one of those people who felt that they were beautiful no matter what.. and... I tried to agree. I really did. But I'm not that open-minded. She was not beautiful to me.. and maybe that's all that matters.
I think to some extent.. dove tested my limits on how open-minded I really was.. and I'm not as open-minded as maybe I should be or maybe I'd wanted to be.
That said, I can't see that as negative. I'm not perfect.. but it's good to have some idea where my limits are before I hurt myself or someone else trying something like this again.
Nnyxx... I've long forgotten her real name.
Met her and her two friends while midnight bowling. She lived a mere 10 minute drive away. Yay, no LDR!
Her friends were handfasted. She was single.
She was actually really cute, physically.. and she told me she really liked me.
I didn't realize she was delusional at the time.
She told me she was a goddess, a faerie princess (even then I was becoming skeptical about what people were saying they were.)
It turns out she wasn't right in the mind. MPD.
I'm willing to date all sorts of girls, but I will not date someone with MPD.
As it turns out, she broke up with me before I got to tell her that. *shrug*
When I last heard about her, the handfasted couple had broken up and she ran off with the husband
I'm personally glad to have all three of them out of my life.
Medwyn. Bryony.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
peachtess
Bryony was (IS) a witch... unabashedly, happily, very excitedly a witch in a time where I was becoming disillusioned with the religion and with the world I had constructed for myself.
In that way, maybe I was always a little unfair with her.
She still lived (maybe still lives) in a world I was turning away from.
Bryony was much of what I thought I wanted.. alot of what I still want...
She was independent, intelligent, had a good heart and a good soul.
There were some core things we didn't agree with. I blinked when she happily through bibles over a bridge as they needed to be cleansed. I blinked when I realized she was into an aspect of Wicca I wasn't (Dianic Wicca. I've always supported the idea of God and Goddess and equal and opposite.. Yin and Yang. She prayed only to the Goddess.)
I visited her in San Francisco. I thought it was good. Apparently it wasn't.
We broke up sometime soon after that.
Part of me still heaps a bunch of blame onto her. She never COMMUNICATED with me. I never really knew what was going on in her head. Maybe I never gave her the chance to. I was very needy at the time.
The number one lesson I learn from Bryony.. fair or not.. was communication.
LDRs are hard. Especially hard when it's San Francisco to Buffalo. But other people have made it happen. So it *IS* possible.. with patience and communication and love and a want to be together.
Now there'secwoodburn
I hope history treats her well. It'd be nice to just end it there.
Something like..
and then there was Kristen aka SamMulder aka ecwoodburn.
And I lived happily ever after (well, not really, but mostly happy) through the end of my days etc. etc. Amen.
I guess time will tell :)
EDIT: I want to clarify something.
I want Kristen to be it because I'm sick of dating losers. Some of the people above.. were.. real doozies. Others were OK. But I'm sick of doozies and I think I deserve someone rather special.
Maybe Kristen is it. I hope so. Only time will tell.
I was NOT saying I already have hopes to marry her and etc.
Just to elucidate the matter. :)
Here I am, DATING AGAIN (Wai! ^^) and... it's all good.
But I don't want to forget the things I've learned.
The first "Girlfriend" I had... I don't remember her name at all. She seemed like a nice girl.. liked Star Trek, was into computers and computer gaming. My friend Todd had recently broken up with her and they split, so he set us up.
It didn't work. At all. She was really interested only in sex and while that was fun for a while, it was not the basis of a real relationship.
We broke up quickly and I never saw her again.
No idea what she's up to now.
Fast forward through a couple of girls I liked who seemed to like me that I never met: Lisa, Faith, probably a couple other.
I can't say I learned much from them that I wasn't already learning at that time.
That was my years of RIT and as many of you know, I was busy learning some other big life lessons.. about myself, about family, about religion... pretty much finishing the job of molding me and sending me off into the world.
There was Alexis.. Jenn from Sarnia, Ontario.
She and I had pretty similar interests. We were both sort of pagan. We both loved canadian music. We MET MU**ing on... TANSTAFL.
This was still RIT and I was busy fighting windmills.
She was moody and from a very different sort of family as I (her father was top brass in the RCAF) and slightly afraid of sex (more so than I) and.. that didn't work.
Of all my relationships, though, hers and mine was the most normal and the breakup was the easiest.
From her I learned, among other things, that no two women are the same in what they want.. out of a career, out of themselves, out of their future.
It also gave me a reminder that just because you CAN save someone doesn't mean you should. Some people don't want to be saved.
When I last heard, she was looking for a job in Environmental Chemistry. I hope she found it.
Then there was Zazu.. Jen from NH.
Things STARTED Out normally. I told her I liked her. She told me she liked me.
She had a fucked up past. I didn't care. Past is past as long as you learn from it.
But I'm not sure she ever learned from it.
She sucked me in.. and then when I got too close, she threw me out of her life.
Then she went back to making the same mistakes she was making in the past.
We actually broke up OK. Stayed friends for about a year.. then it all ended nastily.
Our last conversation ever involved her being responsible to get tickets to the New Years Eve Barenaked Ladies show in Boston. I would have gone with her, one of her friends, Jen and Robby. She never got them. Not only had she never gotten them, but she waited for a few months to tell us she never got them.
Luckily, BnL picked up a new show on New Years Day and Jen got tickets.
The seats sucked, but the show kicked ass and it remains one of my most cherished memories (can edit out the crappy seats and just remember how energetic and kick ass the show was)
I've learned many things through Zazu.
Past matters. Chances are that how someone's acted in the past.. and how they feel about how they acted in the past.. are good indications of how they'll act in the future.
Sex is STILL not a good basis for a good long-time relationship. And I don't do flings.
Always be honest with your loved ones. Don't play mind games with him (or her). If you can't be honest with your loved ones, how do you expect him (or her) to trust you?
You need to find someone who accepts you as you are.. all of you. If she doesn't accept you, there's just no point.
There are others here.. but I'm not going to go about trashing her too much.
Even if we did part on bad terms, there's still no need for it.
Next attempt at a girlfriend was dove (aka Christina).
When I first met her, she was going to school in Texas, but she LIVED halfway between Rochester and Buffalo.
We officially started dating when she returned home.
We didn't meet up often. and always at my home (I had no car).
I liked her personality at the time. She was the first girl I dated who knew and liked TMBG. That HAD to be a good sign, right?
.. but she was a little too... odd for me.
As I've said before, in certain ways, I am conservative. She wasn't.
When I last heard from her, she was having a baby for a gay couple which, while admirable, did freak me a bit.
By now she would have conceived. I vaguely wonder what happened to her.
We left on fairly decent terms.. but we never talked again.
From her I learned that.. personality still wasn't everything.
dove was one of those people who felt that they were beautiful no matter what.. and... I tried to agree. I really did. But I'm not that open-minded. She was not beautiful to me.. and maybe that's all that matters.
I think to some extent.. dove tested my limits on how open-minded I really was.. and I'm not as open-minded as maybe I should be or maybe I'd wanted to be.
That said, I can't see that as negative. I'm not perfect.. but it's good to have some idea where my limits are before I hurt myself or someone else trying something like this again.
Nnyxx... I've long forgotten her real name.
Met her and her two friends while midnight bowling. She lived a mere 10 minute drive away. Yay, no LDR!
Her friends were handfasted. She was single.
She was actually really cute, physically.. and she told me she really liked me.
I didn't realize she was delusional at the time.
She told me she was a goddess, a faerie princess (even then I was becoming skeptical about what people were saying they were.)
It turns out she wasn't right in the mind. MPD.
I'm willing to date all sorts of girls, but I will not date someone with MPD.
As it turns out, she broke up with me before I got to tell her that. *shrug*
When I last heard about her, the handfasted couple had broken up and she ran off with the husband
I'm personally glad to have all three of them out of my life.
Medwyn. Bryony.
peachtessBryony was (IS) a witch... unabashedly, happily, very excitedly a witch in a time where I was becoming disillusioned with the religion and with the world I had constructed for myself.
In that way, maybe I was always a little unfair with her.
She still lived (maybe still lives) in a world I was turning away from.
Bryony was much of what I thought I wanted.. alot of what I still want...
She was independent, intelligent, had a good heart and a good soul.
There were some core things we didn't agree with. I blinked when she happily through bibles over a bridge as they needed to be cleansed. I blinked when I realized she was into an aspect of Wicca I wasn't (Dianic Wicca. I've always supported the idea of God and Goddess and equal and opposite.. Yin and Yang. She prayed only to the Goddess.)
I visited her in San Francisco. I thought it was good. Apparently it wasn't.
We broke up sometime soon after that.
Part of me still heaps a bunch of blame onto her. She never COMMUNICATED with me. I never really knew what was going on in her head. Maybe I never gave her the chance to. I was very needy at the time.
The number one lesson I learn from Bryony.. fair or not.. was communication.
LDRs are hard. Especially hard when it's San Francisco to Buffalo. But other people have made it happen. So it *IS* possible.. with patience and communication and love and a want to be together.
Now there's
ecwoodburnI hope history treats her well. It'd be nice to just end it there.
Something like..
and then there was Kristen aka SamMulder aka ecwoodburn.
And I lived happily ever after (well, not really, but mostly happy) through the end of my days etc. etc. Amen.
I guess time will tell :)
EDIT: I want to clarify something.
I want Kristen to be it because I'm sick of dating losers. Some of the people above.. were.. real doozies. Others were OK. But I'm sick of doozies and I think I deserve someone rather special.
Maybe Kristen is it. I hope so. Only time will tell.
I was NOT saying I already have hopes to marry her and etc.
Just to elucidate the matter. :)
