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Thanksgiving, Job
Nov. 28th, 2003 02:31 pmWednesday
Spent most of Wednesday sending out applications. In the past week, I've sent out about 20-25 application up and down Maple Road and Niagara Falls Boulevard.
In fact, I got a call Wednesday from Bed, Bath and Beyond for a job interview today.
All in all, the day was pretty dull and boring and I was really looking forward to seeing Kristen that night.
Kristen ended up getting out of Rochester late, getting home later and then came home to find out that everyone was home and it was expected she'd be sociable with the whole family.
I was... unhappy about this fact. I expected that we'd get a chance to go out alone and do something fun, but alas.. it was not to be. She asked me over and I, somewhat unhappily, come over and spent an hour there. But it was spent in Kristen's sister Katie's room, trying to pet kitties and coax them out and watching TV and not spending time with the whole family. Finally after some whining on my side as I sat there bored, watching TV and just generally unhappy about things, we finally ended up going out to Perkins, me for desert, her for dinner.
Then I went to bed.
Exciting day, huh?
Thursday (Turkey Day)
Thursday was pretty boring until about 12:30 when Kristen calls to say that people were coming over about 1:00.
I ended up coming over to her family's around 1:30, sat and watched the game, was a little sociable.
Dinner was good. I had some turkey, mashed potatoes, corn and many many rolls.
I was a little sociable, but I don't really feel like I know Kristen's family, especially her extended family, too well so I was a little shy.
Only one awkward moment happened when her family said something she wasn't happy about and I ended up following her upstairs to hold her while she cried. A few minutes later, her father comes up to tell Katie's fiancee' Aaron something and I realize we're in the bathroom alone with the door closed and what must HE think.
We left around 4:45, tried to stop at Eckerd before going to my grandmother's because El Dorko remembered her camera, but not film.
Off to my grandmother's and got there about 5:30, introduced Kristen around.
Dinner was served about 6:00.. this time I had more.. Turkey leg, Green Bean Caserole, Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Potato Pie. Oh, and Chocolate Pie (mmmm :) ) I was getting full and I know I pushed myself to eat because.. well.. 1) it was so good and 2) I didn't want my grandma to feel slighted.
Finished with dinner and my stomach was overfull and the trytophane left me feeling exhausted.
Kristen took a quick nap too until we left about 8:00.
We arrived back at my house by 8:40 or so and Kristen stayed until 9:15 then went home to go to work. I watched a little more West Wing and went to bed.
Today
Today's been quiet.
I did go to Bed, Bath and Beyond for the interview at 11:00. I've been hired, but I'm just.. not excited. They can give me about 20 hours a week (I may be able to get more. We'll see as I actually start work) at $6.50/hr. Go ahead and do your math. My checks will be pretty small and I may need help paying all my bills. (I don't even want to think yet what I'll have to do if I have to get to Philadelphia. Especially if I need to rent a hotel for the night.) It's going to be a difficult time and I'll honestly have to keep looking for something better if Jacques Whitford does NOT come through with a job. I need to be making more than $250 every two weeks. That's.. pathetic.
Tonight I've invited my friend Dave and Todd over to watch Two Towers extended and I'll try very hard not to stress out over financial matters (which I've been on the verge of doing all day. I'm NOT happy with this job. I'm not happy about swallowing my pride to work retail, about making a PITTANCE (I should be making $40K per year, *NOT* $6.5K :p) and paying my bills and having to possibly work weekends so I can't see my girlfriend much anymore.)
I need the job. I know I need the job. But I'm seriously unhappy with the entire thing.
Upcoming
This weekend Kristen will be down for the weekend. We'll try to have a good time. Time with her will be good right now.
Tuesday morning, Jacques Whitford calls for a second job interview and I hope I nail this puppy. Then that afternoon, I'll go in for orientation at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
Next weekend, Josh's christmas concert (oh joy oh joy :p)
Wow... is that all I have forward to look for?
God, my life feels pathetic right now. Again.
OK, I guess I'll talk about this for the moment.
It seems like the only thing GOING for me at the moment is Kristen.
My family is too stressed out to be even close to fully functional at the moment. I NEED to be out of this fucking house already and life has conspired to keep me here.. YEARS past when I should have gotten out. I love my family and I cherish them, but being stuck here for even the extra month and a half is just so incredibly unfair.
Job stress.. lots and lots of Job stress. I only PRAY Jacques Whitford comes through with a job for me and fast because I can't afford to just work retail. And the job itself.. $6.50 an hour?!?! 20 hours?!?! Gods!
My thesis? The work still isn't done and I need to speak to Mark who has been nowhere to be found. (I'll try Monday.)
I need strength right now... and hope. It all seems to be in short supply right now, though. I feel like I'm trying to sqeeze water out of a rock. I'm tapped out. Sometimes I can do it and sometimes I can't. :p
God and goddess above, if you can end the year on a good note, get me a job.. a REAL job I'm not way way overqualified for.. and an apartment.. I'll make the rest work. I'll juggle getting used to living on my own, trying to maintain a relationship with Kristen and doing said job.. I dunno how, but I know I can.
Just let my life get out of this swampy mire already. PLEASE!
I had a dream last night. I hadn't thought about it til just right now.
I was in LA and the big one hit but instead of just decimating the city, we all sank down into the earth where no one could get us. Not only far down below, but somehow sideways so that by looking to my left, I could see the sky and a sort of huge steep rocky slope upwards.
And I.. and all the remaining residents were just trying to escape.
Apparently the slope was unclimbable and the pit we were in was unstable and threatning to go at any moment. Actually, it was all very movie-like and I think some level of me knew that.
The dream ended when I ended up in front of TWA with the plan to grab a plane and try to go up (though part of me knew already that it was only half an hour into the movie, thus it could not work.)
I mention said dream, because maybe it isn't about a movie so much as my life. It's in a pit. Not totally unreachable from the rest of the world, but it feels like it. I'm out of touch. I'm seriously demoralized and the next month is going to test my character in a major way.
Why you ask? I have to work a job I feel overqualified for, stay at a house I desperately want to get out of, while my mother possibly goes through surgery that will keep her at home for at least six months, for not enough money, probably on weekend when I'd rather be with Kristen and instead of being able to come home and call Kristen at night, since she's working second shift now, contact with her may become occasional at best.
And I'll be honest. I'm frightened to all hell. I'm frightened I won't be able to do it. I'm frightened that I'll fail and when I fail, I'll lose Kristen and, in part, I'll lose myself.
I don't know what I'm going to do anymore. I don't know how I'll make this work.
I feel like I'm about to take the biggest fall of my lfie, into the pit where no one can reach me, and I can't make it stop because these are the best choices I have to work with given my situation.
It's situations like this that made me lose faith in an all-good, all-powerful god (when my father left and took everything away with him) and I wonder what will go this time.
I keep telling myself that I'll make it work, but I'll be damned if I have any idea how. Especially if Jacques Whitford doesn't want me. Then how long will I have to do all this before the next chance? How much longer do I have to live this.. shitpile of a life?
*sigh*
Spent most of Wednesday sending out applications. In the past week, I've sent out about 20-25 application up and down Maple Road and Niagara Falls Boulevard.
In fact, I got a call Wednesday from Bed, Bath and Beyond for a job interview today.
All in all, the day was pretty dull and boring and I was really looking forward to seeing Kristen that night.
Kristen ended up getting out of Rochester late, getting home later and then came home to find out that everyone was home and it was expected she'd be sociable with the whole family.
I was... unhappy about this fact. I expected that we'd get a chance to go out alone and do something fun, but alas.. it was not to be. She asked me over and I, somewhat unhappily, come over and spent an hour there. But it was spent in Kristen's sister Katie's room, trying to pet kitties and coax them out and watching TV and not spending time with the whole family. Finally after some whining on my side as I sat there bored, watching TV and just generally unhappy about things, we finally ended up going out to Perkins, me for desert, her for dinner.
Then I went to bed.
Exciting day, huh?
Thursday (Turkey Day)
Thursday was pretty boring until about 12:30 when Kristen calls to say that people were coming over about 1:00.
I ended up coming over to her family's around 1:30, sat and watched the game, was a little sociable.
Dinner was good. I had some turkey, mashed potatoes, corn and many many rolls.
I was a little sociable, but I don't really feel like I know Kristen's family, especially her extended family, too well so I was a little shy.
Only one awkward moment happened when her family said something she wasn't happy about and I ended up following her upstairs to hold her while she cried. A few minutes later, her father comes up to tell Katie's fiancee' Aaron something and I realize we're in the bathroom alone with the door closed and what must HE think.
We left around 4:45, tried to stop at Eckerd before going to my grandmother's because El Dorko remembered her camera, but not film.
Off to my grandmother's and got there about 5:30, introduced Kristen around.
Dinner was served about 6:00.. this time I had more.. Turkey leg, Green Bean Caserole, Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Potato Pie. Oh, and Chocolate Pie (mmmm :) ) I was getting full and I know I pushed myself to eat because.. well.. 1) it was so good and 2) I didn't want my grandma to feel slighted.
Finished with dinner and my stomach was overfull and the trytophane left me feeling exhausted.
Kristen took a quick nap too until we left about 8:00.
We arrived back at my house by 8:40 or so and Kristen stayed until 9:15 then went home to go to work. I watched a little more West Wing and went to bed.
Today
Today's been quiet.
I did go to Bed, Bath and Beyond for the interview at 11:00. I've been hired, but I'm just.. not excited. They can give me about 20 hours a week (I may be able to get more. We'll see as I actually start work) at $6.50/hr. Go ahead and do your math. My checks will be pretty small and I may need help paying all my bills. (I don't even want to think yet what I'll have to do if I have to get to Philadelphia. Especially if I need to rent a hotel for the night.) It's going to be a difficult time and I'll honestly have to keep looking for something better if Jacques Whitford does NOT come through with a job. I need to be making more than $250 every two weeks. That's.. pathetic.
Tonight I've invited my friend Dave and Todd over to watch Two Towers extended and I'll try very hard not to stress out over financial matters (which I've been on the verge of doing all day. I'm NOT happy with this job. I'm not happy about swallowing my pride to work retail, about making a PITTANCE (I should be making $40K per year, *NOT* $6.5K :p) and paying my bills and having to possibly work weekends so I can't see my girlfriend much anymore.)
I need the job. I know I need the job. But I'm seriously unhappy with the entire thing.
Upcoming
This weekend Kristen will be down for the weekend. We'll try to have a good time. Time with her will be good right now.
Tuesday morning, Jacques Whitford calls for a second job interview and I hope I nail this puppy. Then that afternoon, I'll go in for orientation at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
Next weekend, Josh's christmas concert (oh joy oh joy :p)
Wow... is that all I have forward to look for?
God, my life feels pathetic right now. Again.
OK, I guess I'll talk about this for the moment.
It seems like the only thing GOING for me at the moment is Kristen.
My family is too stressed out to be even close to fully functional at the moment. I NEED to be out of this fucking house already and life has conspired to keep me here.. YEARS past when I should have gotten out. I love my family and I cherish them, but being stuck here for even the extra month and a half is just so incredibly unfair.
Job stress.. lots and lots of Job stress. I only PRAY Jacques Whitford comes through with a job for me and fast because I can't afford to just work retail. And the job itself.. $6.50 an hour?!?! 20 hours?!?! Gods!
My thesis? The work still isn't done and I need to speak to Mark who has been nowhere to be found. (I'll try Monday.)
I need strength right now... and hope. It all seems to be in short supply right now, though. I feel like I'm trying to sqeeze water out of a rock. I'm tapped out. Sometimes I can do it and sometimes I can't. :p
God and goddess above, if you can end the year on a good note, get me a job.. a REAL job I'm not way way overqualified for.. and an apartment.. I'll make the rest work. I'll juggle getting used to living on my own, trying to maintain a relationship with Kristen and doing said job.. I dunno how, but I know I can.
Just let my life get out of this swampy mire already. PLEASE!
I had a dream last night. I hadn't thought about it til just right now.
I was in LA and the big one hit but instead of just decimating the city, we all sank down into the earth where no one could get us. Not only far down below, but somehow sideways so that by looking to my left, I could see the sky and a sort of huge steep rocky slope upwards.
And I.. and all the remaining residents were just trying to escape.
Apparently the slope was unclimbable and the pit we were in was unstable and threatning to go at any moment. Actually, it was all very movie-like and I think some level of me knew that.
The dream ended when I ended up in front of TWA with the plan to grab a plane and try to go up (though part of me knew already that it was only half an hour into the movie, thus it could not work.)
I mention said dream, because maybe it isn't about a movie so much as my life. It's in a pit. Not totally unreachable from the rest of the world, but it feels like it. I'm out of touch. I'm seriously demoralized and the next month is going to test my character in a major way.
Why you ask? I have to work a job I feel overqualified for, stay at a house I desperately want to get out of, while my mother possibly goes through surgery that will keep her at home for at least six months, for not enough money, probably on weekend when I'd rather be with Kristen and instead of being able to come home and call Kristen at night, since she's working second shift now, contact with her may become occasional at best.
And I'll be honest. I'm frightened to all hell. I'm frightened I won't be able to do it. I'm frightened that I'll fail and when I fail, I'll lose Kristen and, in part, I'll lose myself.
I don't know what I'm going to do anymore. I don't know how I'll make this work.
I feel like I'm about to take the biggest fall of my lfie, into the pit where no one can reach me, and I can't make it stop because these are the best choices I have to work with given my situation.
It's situations like this that made me lose faith in an all-good, all-powerful god (when my father left and took everything away with him) and I wonder what will go this time.
I keep telling myself that I'll make it work, but I'll be damned if I have any idea how. Especially if Jacques Whitford doesn't want me. Then how long will I have to do all this before the next chance? How much longer do I have to live this.. shitpile of a life?
*sigh*
