Having a Grand Theft Auto III Time... or maybe not.

[hkellick]

It's been both a good and a bad day.
Much like yesterday, I'd say.
I guess I'll start with yesterday and move forward.
Yesterday, I woke up fairly early, helped to clean the house (because we had gone shopping the night before and had left it all in the kitchen and dining room) with Josh, and decided that my legs hurt enough that yesterday WOULD be my day off from the gym. Which is good. I really DID need a break. Anyways, Josh and I sat down and I watched Josh play James Bond: Agent Under Fire.
We had a discussion. Among the things discussed, our own trepidations over Marc coming over for two hours, random brother bullshitting and... a random thought.
"Hey, Josh?" asked I "If I were to buy a Playstation 2 game, would you let me play it?" (He owns the Playstation 2)
"It depends. What game?"
"Grand Theft Auto 3."
"Hell, yes!"
So we went out (after a small excursion where mom got alot of change together, rolled it and we returned it to the bank) and got Grand Theft Auto 3.
Did I mention this game rocks? This game FREAKING ROCKS!
So we spent the majority of the afternoon playing it and having a grand old time. We got a good taste for the various cars you could steal and how fast they want and how to drive them at insane speeds down highways and stuff. It was fun!
Then Marc came over. It was like someone had popped a balloon.
Everything was suddenly different.
He brought over gifts. A thing that spits out treat-filled balls every two hours (they don't seem to know how to get the treats out of the ball yet, tho...), some catnip and flowers for mom and grandma.
Meanwhile, Josh had gotten into miserable "I don't wanna deal with this shit" mode and I was trying very hard to wish Marc gone.
I can't say the two hours before dinner SPED by, but it did go by and nothing much happened except that Marc is all "Yeah, I'll come over one day for dinner" (not.) and "Yeah, if you want me to, I can help you get new flooring in" (I'm not sure if mom is serious about this or not. I suspect she is.)
We left for dinner and... I dunno... I thought Marc acted strange, for him. He was hyper and looking to mock-fight Josh and/or me. I'm not sure why. The dinner itself was good, (grandma's dinner are ALWAYS good), but I thought it was uncomfortable. It's probably me as much as anything else. I just don't LIKE spending time with Marc! Anyways, we got some leftovers (the rest should arrive today with mom) with is a yay.
The one negative aspect of grandma's dinner is that... how do I put this? She's all for me dieting and is very proud I've lost about 50 lbs, but when she makes a big dinner, I eat. Period. She practically forces it at me. "A second helping of potatoes, Howard?" No thanks. "Brisket?" No thanks. "Carrots?" I'm good. Ah well. I love her anyways.
Then Stacey finally came, picked Marc up and he went home and we went home and I spent more of the night playing GTA3.
Woke up about 7:00 today and... I dunno... I think I'm feeling slightly in a funk. Especially right now. More on that to come.
WAS going to be at work at 9:00, but mom needed someone to drop Josh off at the bank and, while he was there, just do somthing for her. So I ended up a tad bit late.
Got very worried when I finally DID get to school, because I couldn't find my iRock. Ran home to get it (can't go to the gym without it, ya know.) and thank god, I'd put it in the basement yesterday with the intent of changing some songs around.
Ran back to school, worked out for another 60 minutes (YAY! >:) So proud of me! :) ), went to work on POM (which I finally got yesterday, but I don't understand what's in Ontario.dat and it doesn't seem to be working quite right and I'm not sure why.
I suspect it may be time to learn Fortran.
So that's frustrating, but I'll deal.
The REALLY frustrating part was being in the room listening to trillain planning secret things for ChaoticMUX.
The fact is that us headwizards (kareila, alierak and myself) are just too busy to do anything. It's not, for myself, at least, that I don't CARE what's going on with Chaotic but that I'm frustrated with trying to get things together and watching them fall apart.
The fact is... I'd have to say none of us admin do anything FOR ChaoticMUX. ChaoticMUX exists above and beyond us and is, basically, a chat room. Honestly, that's not really a bad thing for me. I don't have time to work on big ChaoticMUX projects, but I do have time, now and then, to chat with my friends and I enjoy doing so very much.
I think it's time to retire. I don't actually DO anything for the MUX. Heck, I've done more for thematt's place than Chaotic in the last year.
Let xb95 and trillain and those likes them have Chaotic. They want to be in charge. They want to DO things for the MUX. They can spend the time bringing things to the MUX that I can't.
It's incredibly depressing for me to be down this tangent of thought :P
Still... this is what my heart says.
it's time for kar, rak and myself to throw the towel in and just watch from afar with the hope that the new powers that be give a shit what us oldens think.
I'm not so sure they do now.
I dunno.
I doubt kareila agrees with me on this tangent of thought at all.
Anyways... I guess I'll post this.

Comments

[rhayden.livejournal.com]

Heh. Winter Holiday Party anybody? *grumble*

[zorkian]

It's not that we don't care what you think, because I'll be the first to say that I do care what you think, it's just that we have an idea and we want to run with it. I consider you to be a good friend of mine, and your opinion will always be welcome, whether it's on my personal habits or things I want to do for Chaotic.

I don't want you gone, I don't want you to step down. What I want is for you and Kareila to actually DO something, or to let us do something. We're going to work on our secret ideas, they're doable independent of needing everyone else's feedback and opinions. Like I said, if our plan works and sparks interest, great, if it doesn't, great.

I've e-mailed Kareila and begged, once again, that something be done, or for her to let someone else have the power to do things. Trillian wants to do stuff, I think that Aldar, Soreth, or Josh might want to help. I want to, definitely. There are people that want to do things for Chaotic and would love to, they just need the go ahead from up to. Lots of things need change and work, but we can't do it without the only two people who can make decisions being on our side.

I think you're a great person, Howard, and I'm glad to have you as a friend. I didn't mean to upset you at all, and your input is wanted, definitely. *hugs*

[lite.livejournal.com]

Eh. Your comment wasn't the end-all be-all reason why I felt I had to step down. I just don't feel useful. Forpete'ssake, I'm enjoying building on MattRhost more than Chaotic. I'd like the job of being wizardly advisor, to be someone people ask for advice and counsil on important wizardly stuff, otherwise... which still puts me in approximately the same boat as it does now, a social-type of person with a wiz bit.
I'll be the first person to admit that while there may be times where I could spend weeks on Chaotic, for the most part, I'm simply too busy to be part of anything big. I wish it weren't so, but such is what happens when dealing with grad school and such.

[kareila]

Well, although I don't have as much time as I would like, I'd like to be in on discussions of ideas for what to do with the place. God knows I have always had tons of ideas and just not the time to do anything about them.

Anyway, I just want to be included in the discussion. Maybe dedicate an LJ community to the purpose.

I also still think all the wizards need to resign, to put us all on an equal footing with each other within the game.

[lite.livejournal.com]

Same. I still consider ChaoticMUX my baby even if I don't do much for it nowadays.
I don't think anyone wants to take away our position as founders and make us totally useless, but I think they do want us to step down so they can get things a-going.
I can't say I disagree.
If people were ever interested in social-type things (as Rhayden mentioned the Winter Party), I have a flair for getting social-type things together.
Otherwise, I just don't feel like I'm doing anything for Chaotic.

[circa.livejournal.com]

Firstly - grannies are like that. Due to Andy's gran being seriously obsessed with making her grandchildren eat, I became addicted to Twix's (excuse me if this is a Brit thing :) )

Secondly, Chaotic. While I was at Uni first time round I was doing computing, I had soooooo much spare time that 7am-9pm I was guaranteed to be around for whatever reason. Then all of a sudden I was Out In The Real World and during those times I was working, out of work I was paying bills and sleeping, both fairly alien to me *grin*

Now, I'm in a medical course and we just don't use computers the same way as a computing course - we write essays, occassionally look up medical journals and birting magazines, and thats it. And again, I'm either studying, or working, and I get online on my days off, and when I can't sleep. That's why I retired everywhere - there's a lot I'd like to do, I just can't. I have a MUD wizbit on elephantmud approaching, but with work, studies and now a baby, I can see myself passing the chance on to someone else, even Andy so he can use my ideas. I feel really out of touch with Chaotic now, maybe it was the large part away when I finished Uni - I came back, everyone I knew (Luke, The Prod, zLaNa, etc) had moved on, and those I did still know had changed and adapted to the new people. I've felt like a spare part since then, but there are some who either remember me or just want to be friendly, although most people who used to talk to me just don't bother any more - but that's how lives move on I guess, and being thousands of miles away and virtually the only non-american makes it difficult for me. But like a bad smell I wont go away. I'll get stressed and not log in *anywhere* for a while, but I come back, because I like to hope my memories can be refreshed.

Anyway, this was only meant to be a little reply, but I know how you feel. That was all I was meant to say :P

[lite.livejournal.com]

Yes, Exactly!
I miss hanging out with the old bunch, sometimes, an awful lot. I miss chatting with arabella, hanging with Jaena the pootyhead, batting Kareila on the head with wiffle bats.
But, like you, the major focus of my life has shifted to (1) keeping up with my engineering studies (including tests like the EIT which is taking alot of my time up) and (2) Making sure I have time every day I want to, to go and work out in the gym. These both take time away from things I might like to be doing such as playing on Chaotic or playing The Sims or whatnot.
I'm not unhappy with the state of my life, I'm thrilled I'm in grad school and going to (hopefully) pass the EIT and that I have a thesis project and that I'm working out now and stuff. I do miss being able to spend time with people like Trillian, Soreth, Rhayden etc. but I gotta manage my real life first and foremost.
That was rather longwinded. In essence, I agree.

[rhayden.livejournal.com]

I don't want to stick my neck out too far and then it get it chopped off for whatever reason... but I think that if all the wizzen resigned, it might bring fresh life into Chaotic. Fresh blood rejuevantes (sp?), it's a proven medical fact.

Now, I'm not calling for all the wizzen to resign. If they choose to resign, then that's what they choose; I am not directly demanding to see it happen. Please don't see this in that light.

And I think that, if the wizzen did resign, that they won't be kicked to the curb and forgotten. Chaotic is indeed your baby. A lot of us wouldn't be there without your efforts to make it an attractive place to login to. If there was a staff change, I think the new staff would be more than happy to come to the old staff for help or ideas or suggestions or whatever. And I think the old staff would be more than happy to (or even honored, pick your choice of words) to give said ideas, suggestions, etc.

[lite.livejournal.com]

*nods*
Yeah.

[circa.livejournal.com]

Must agree. On another place(which shall remain nameless for there's no comparison other than this point) the main bulk of the Admin knew each other in real life. The place was built up, an extended community was born, and things flourished fairly well. Some Admin retired then, older people with families, and it moved on. Recently though, the remaining Admin developed other parts of their lives and so the whole wizlist changed - I know cuz I was part of it, and now it's like another complete cycle. There's new Admin, everythings progressing, new circles are being formed and us oldies can still log in and keep up to date and see how things are going - and we still have a say in things.

Sometimes a change is all something needs to keep the magic.