Random Ramblings

[hkellick]

Read one of stpsjewel's latest entries made me think...

I used to hate high school. At least in my freshman and sophomore years of college. By and large, the majority of my classmates were upper middle class and lower upper class. That is to say, it always seemed like everyone was a tad... snooty.

In recent years, I've decided that, all in all, my high school experience WAS Positive. Sure, I was picked on, but not terribly. People, by and large, accepted me for what I was: a dork.

I've often said that if there was a 10 year anniversary for my high school, I'd go. In part, because I'd really like to see what some of these people I've known for years have been up to... I know the fates of two of my classmates: One of my friends, Todd, who.. well... he seems content with his life, but I know I wouldn't be... and this guy Phil who I used to not care for who is, apparently, a teacher at my mother's school.
To really approach this set of thoughts, though, I always inevitable switch to the one person whose future I know: myself.

God, I've been in college since 1993. I'll have graduated almost exactly 10 years after I graduated high school. I've always been a little ashamed of that. Part of me feels that "normal" people get in and out of college in 4 years (6 with the MS I'll have), not double that. And yet, I can't really fault myself, because I know why it took so bleeding long: It took me forever to find something I could really ENJOY doing and see myself doing for 40 years or so.
And yet, the 10 years hasn't been a failure in any way. I've grown tremendously as a person. I'm now Howard B. Kellick EIT (*BEAM!*) and I actually have a half-decent plan for the future.
The funny thing, of course, about the future is you never have any idea what's going to blindside you.
For some, it's finding the right person and knowing, deep inside, that they want children before it's (possibly) too late.
For some, it's finding that despite what they thought, college isn't right for them yet.
For some, it's any number of emergencies or one of those lovely bad things life throws at us.

I've always been a bit of a person watcher. I like to watch people act... however they naturally act. I think I enjoy being able to percieve why people do what do they do.
So for me, I have a burning curiosity to see how some of the people I considered friends (or at least not total asses) that I knew ten years ago turned out. To see how they've lived their lives and what choices they've made, but mostly to see how they've changed.

I've been thinking alot about change lately. This might be obvious to anyone reading chaoticmux, but it goes way beyond a longing for better times on Chaotic. Really, though I know Chaotic could be a better place and wish it were, I'm FAIRLY content with where we are now. At least we're still friendly. If we ever stop being a friendly little place, I'd probably... I dunno what I'd do, actually.
Anyways.
Maybe it's an end of the year thing. Every year about this time I look back at the year behind.. at how I've changed, how my friends have changed and how the world around me has changed. I expect in the very near future, I'll post that post.. my review of the year 2002 (as I did with 2001.. which.. I'm suddenly feeling a need to read again.)
Maybe it's the realization that my world is REALLY changing now. I hope to, within 6 months, be out into the "Real world" somewhere. My brother is no longer in high school, he's a college boy now. I mean, yes, these changes are all expected, but that does not, in any way, decrease their significance.
In part, I think it's really getting a good look how my friend Todd whom I've known for... 16 or 20 years now, is living his life.. and how it's differing from mine. I'm trying to find a job as an engineer and move away from home (and Buffalo). and he's content to live with mom and dad and work at mom and dad's firm without really looking for a job in his field. In a matter of months, my entire life changes and his.. at least from here.. seems stagnant.
I like Todd. He's a good guy and a good friend, so don't get me wrong about him. I just... wonder, ya know?

Anyways... I think I'll post this now. Ciao, folks!

Comments

[dawnstar.livejournal.com]

I can relate so much to your post! Some of it, I could've written word for word (like the parts about graduating in 1993, and not feeling like a "normal" person because it wasn't done in the standard 4 years, etc). Other parts aren't quite so accurate for me, but are still things I can understand.

By and large, I think the amount of time doesn't matter. There are tons of people out there that don't /ever/ get degrees, after all. You, Howard B. Kellick EIT have that "EIT" at the end of your name. Someday soon, you'll have the whole word "Engineer" at the end, instead. That's a hell of an accomplishment, however long it has taken! :)

And on a totally unrelated, trivial note... how do you do the lj-tag for communities? I remember trying what I thought was the obvious tag, a while back... and it didn't work.

[lite.livejournal.com]

PE, actually (Professional Engineer), but I know what you mean :)

The appropriate tag is 'lj comm = "community"'. If you can't find it, look in the FAQ under lj specific tags :)