Kristenness

It's lunch time, so I'm going to take a few minutes to write a livejournal despite the fact that, I swear, every time I do something NON-work related, my new roomie shows up and I'm wondering what he thinks of me. Oh well.. I *AM* getting work done today, so yay! :)

The weekend was.. mostly good.
Friday, I was pretty depressed all day. Hence my depressing LJ post. In all honesty, I am still frustrated with what seems like a lack of progress on some very important fronts. I need to make progress and soon. :/ I need to grow up, get out of here and move ON with my life.

Went to Rochester and got there early and Kristen was making cookies :) Yay, cookies! :) Sadly, and I strongly suspect because neither of us was truly happy about Kristen jobness, we start being snippy at each other. After a short argument, we held each other and talked and discussed alot of the things frustrating each other.
Then we went to go see Carbon Leaf.
I have alot of thoughts about Carbon Leaf, but I think what bothers me most is the expectation that I should have enjoyed myself and what's wrong me that I didn't. I've gotten the third degree from two people now and I must admit that I'm more bothered by this then the fact that I didn't enjoy myself at the concert. Yes, it may have been that I was overly grumpy and unwilling to have fun, but.. I didn't know the words, I felt embarassed that all my friends seemed to be enjoying themselves more than me and, well.. I dunno, it just didn't do it for me. Maybe one day I'll be willing to try another concert when I'm in a better mood, but otherwise kindly get off my case, K?
Went to bed late, slept.. well, I've slept better...
Anyways, we didn't do much Saturday except for meet up with dawnstar, kolys, blackfelicula and hbbtrbbtbcnbt for ring shopping, half a game of 1000 Blank White Cards (I definately think you wanna cut the deck size in half or something, kolys. There are too many cards and you want to allow others to make cards as they go along. We also played a game of Curses, which is fun, but I agree that it's much more fun with more players. Four players is fun.. but really really fun games have seven or eight players. So one day, we'll have to get all the brain together and force all of them to play ;) Anyways, seeing people was fun and I'm glad that there was no leftover friction between hbbtrbbtbcnbt and I.
Sunday, was.. mostly good. Woke up earlier than I should have, my back aching.. helped Kristen get ready to go to the UU church, then watched a couple of episodes of El-Hazard while Kristen was in church. We ended up trying to take a nap, but by then, I had a killer headache that would NOT go away. In fact, I'm pretty sure that while Kristen got a fairly quick snooze, I never got to do more than roll around wishing the head pain would go away. Got up and started doing job stuffs with Kristen. Actually, all we did was put a searchable resume on monster.com.. I've gotten two responses: Some headhunter company called Sanders-Abbott, which I'll probably check out and American Express looking for Financial Advisors which.. I think not. No thank you.
Then... well, by then, we made a quick dinner and.. the crying started.

I've calmed down since Friday and am feeling slightly more philsophical about the whole thing. I can honestly see everything working out for the best despite how hard things will be for the next four months. I'm not dumb. I do realize that things could get very painful over the next four months.. especially if I end up moving away for a job.
Right now, I'm looking for ways to make the transition and the next four months easier.
What we've come up with right now is... well, she'd be out of the house from ABOUT 11:00 til 8:30.. so hopefully I'll be able to call her on a nearly daily basis.. and.. I'm hanging onto that. Especially since I probably WON'T see her much on AIM anymore.
I'll probably try to write in LJ again every day... some sort of daily something.. LJ, perhaps.. or a daily email. I haven't decided.
Meeting.. well, at the moment, while I'm in Buffalo and she's in Rochester, we probably will continue to try to be with each other once a week. I guess what bothers me the most is that our time will be cut to a few hours a day. She'll be sleeping while I'd be working and I'll be sleeping while she'd be working.. that sort of "officially" leaves us the few hours in between, but from my experience, that time is pretty scarce. That'd be when she'd need to do domestic things and when I'd need to be helpful to family.
I know that I wouldn't be content with the occasional email or LJ post in which she talks about her life. I'd miss her voice, her presence, HER. Kristen over the internet is a poor substitute for a real Kristen.
I dunno. I want to be able to plan something, to know that these options exist, but... I also know that I can't really plan.
I have no idea what's going to happen. I have no idea whether there actually will be enough time for sleep, work and each other. And that scares the hell out of me. I don't want to let her go. I want this to work.
How the hell do I make this work?
How do I get over the unfortunate realities of conflicting schedules and still make a relationship work?
How did those of you who have lived through this.. or are living through it.. make it?

Thanks Everyone

A big hearty hug and thanks to everyone who has commented (and may yet comment) to my earlier post today.

I guess it feels better knowing not only that ecwoodburn knows and understand, but that I have plenty of friends who have been there and are offerign support. (which of course I knew before, but.. it's nice to be reminded. :) )
I do beleive we'll get through this, even though it will be painful at times, and end up better off than we currently are. At least for the next month or so, we'll still see each other, call each other and probably start leaving way too mushy emails, LJ posts or whatnot. It'll just be a matter of getting used to seeing less of her than I'm used to or would like to.. and.. if we do get through this, that'll be short term anyways, since eventually we'll move alot closer than we are now (I won't begin to guess where we'll be, if we'll be in the same or different apartments or whatever, but I suspect that after this four month contract is over that Kristen will probably move to wherever I am, which, sadly, will probably not be Western New York, but.. who knows, I guess.
I guess alot of this will be easier once she actually starts working and I know what to expect schedule-wise and how to get around all of it. It will answer questions like when to call, what times we'll actually see each other when we're in the same house/apartment and so on and so forth.

Again, thanks and hugs to all.