So... my mother calls me last night.

[hkellick]

My mom called me last night. Apparently, due to hospitilization, Josh is ending up the lead in the summer musical he's a part of, playing Tevye (possibly his dream part. He's always loved this musical.) The musical is semi-professional (as in he gets paid some). Mom would be willing to put plane tickets on the credit card so I could go down and see him.
Here's the problem... the musical is the last two weekends of the month (read: The Weekend of the Softball Finals/Carbon Leaf concert and the weekend of the TMBG concert.). Mom would lend me (and only me) money to come up for the weekend. I want to make this point clear.. lend as in I'd have to pay her back. Not lend as in I don't. So I'm still, in the end, the one paying the $150 or whatever for the ticket.
But I really don't want to. I don't want to establish the precedent where I run up to Buffalo every time somemy mom tells me too. I just LEFT that house and those conditions and I'd like to reach some actual level of freedom and independence. It's one thing if someone gets hospitalized or something serious happens, but I feel like running up every time Josh gets a good roll in a musical is going to mean blowing a lot of cash in plane tickets or such.
On the other hand, I'm sure Josh would really like me up there to see him. He may be more reasonable in terms of trying to get me a tape or something if I explain how difficult it would be to run up there at the drop of a hat, but I dunno.
On one hand I, personally, don't want to run up. On the same hand, I don't want to run up every time my mom tells me to. On the other, this is probably important to Joshua and while he may be understanding... I dunno.

So I'm looking for an unbiased opinion (Kristen is decidedly not unbiased. More on stuff going on there later, perhaps.) and am going to set a poll.

Do you think I should
[Poll #318447]

Thanks in advance

EDIT: After think about it, I've decided I'll go to Buffalo to see Josh perform. If the shoe was on the other foot, I'd want him to come see me. On the other hand, I plan to do whatever I can to make this MY weekend too, and would like a chance to meet up with a couple of my friends, perhaps for lunch.

Comments

[jillsmyth.livejournal.com]

I'm gonna add a bit more to my poll answer. I think that if your brother wants you to and your mom is willing to pay, you should go. I'm sure that the day you would go can be worked around your schedule of things already planned. On the other hand, if it is just your mom wanting you to go or if Josh is okay with someone filming it and you watching a copy, I would say don't go. This is something that you would do for your brother and that's how you should make your decision.

[circa.livejournal.com]

The reason I voted the way I did is because when I left home, I then had reasons thrown at me fairly regularly on how I should go back to see something/someone or do something. The difference being, I only lived 25 miles from my mum, so it wasn't that much of a deal in sistance, but it did interfere regularly with plans I'd already made, and my own attempts to develop my own life.

If you want to go and see your brother, especially if your fare is being paid, then well and good. But sometimes, callous and selfish as it sounds, sometimes you have to put yourself first, your own needs, and things you want to do. And if there IS something else you want to do, or you don't want to go back, then noone should make you feel guilty for this. If you'd moved even further away, or moved country or whatever, you wouldnt be in a situation where you could necessarily get back - just because you -can- doesnt mean you -have to-.

It's really what you want to do. *hugs*

[dustkitten.livejournal.com]

I think unless Josh specifically says it's okay for you to stay that you should go. I don't think this is a drop-of-the-hat sort of do-as-mom-says thing. I think Josh will likely see this as a Big Deal, the next step, and he'll want his family there to support him. Lead! Money!

I can't really think of a comparable event in your life to say, "If this happened to me, would I want Josh/Mom/family there even tho it's far?" But if you can find something, and see how you'd feel if the situation was reversed, and talk to Josh.

Yeah, that's all I can say.

-A-

There's no easy answer.

[chickenhat.livejournal.com]

My parents weren't able to come and watch me play Jaques in As You Like It. I wish they had, but there was this whole already out of town thing, and hurricane Isabel the weekend before. I've had to settle for letting them watch the video footage afterwards.

Thing is, have you talked to Josh? So far it's been your mom, she's not the one playing the lead in Fiddler on the Roof. She'll be putting it on her card, but apparently you'll have to pay it back (and this is because?).

So, on the gripping hand, would you want Josh to do the same? (i.e. if he had tickets to see FotR on Broadway, and you were the one with a chance to be the star)

Your own words, btw:
"I really don't want to."

But, thing is... I would. I'd also decline to let my mom by the airplane tickets for me. (The tickets for the performance, sure, but not my transportation.)

Talk to Josh.

[peachtess.livejournal.com]

Explain to your brother that because of the distance and you having your own life that you can't always run down there to be there for things for him unless he really needs or wants you there. I wouldn't bring up that you have plans already as that can be taken the wrong way and your brother might feel like he has to say its not important to make you feel less guilty if you don't go. If you let him know there's only so many times, even when paid by others, that you can visit then ask him if this is one of those important times you need to use up one of your visit quota on you'll most likely get a honest answer. This also lets your family know you have a limit to how many times your willing to drop everything in your life to visit.

[lite.livejournal.com]

By and large, I agree with you, but how many "big deals" will this boy have? I think, while part of me agrees with you.. as I've been to every single one of his productions (and some of them were REALLY bad), whether he was the lead or not, part of me just wants a break.
That's what I really want... a break from my family. I want to be able to live MY life, not theirs. And I feel like I haven't been given this chance with being home EVERY month and the constant clinginess and posessiveness from my mother.
It's really... irritating.

I'm thinking if I do go, I'm laying down some terms.
1) I am NOT coming back in August. Period.
2) I am going to meet one of my friends for a movie. You can have me for this, but I am not going to wander around the house with nothing better to do than run errands with you, watch whatever stupid movie or whatever.

Basically, if I go, i'm going on my terms, not hers.
This is assuming that you are right (and you probably are), that this is a big big deal for Josh.

[coderlemming.livejournal.com]

I don't think you should go. You clearly don't definitely want to go. I'm not saying you want not to go, but you don't seem to actively want to go... you'd be doing it for other people. You've got a life to live, and you've got to start setting precedents that remind people that you're off on your own now.

By the way, I find it a little ironic that you set a poll for this. You said "I don't want to go back at the drop of a hat just because someone wants me to," and then "do you folks think I should go?" Well... I think you should decide for yourself, and you should remember that now, you're your own person. It's great and allt hat your brother has this part... but you can't be there for his every achievement. Save it for the really big ones, that way it'll mean more.

[dustkitten.livejournal.com]

Well, that's the problem with acting..it's not like a 9 to 5 job, where you don't invite your family over every time you get a raise. :)

I definitely think there's nothing wrong with setting limits to your visit, and I think that if you don't end up going to see Josh, that you should think about your next visit being from the happy confines of a motel room...that's what Dear Abby tells people, and I heartily agree.

-A-

[nissacrosseyed.livejournal.com]

I have gotten used to telling my parents I have other plans. I am not as far away, but I have my own life and my own activities, and sometimes my parents like to spring last minute activity ideas on me. That said, I try on occasion, if it is a big event for either my parents or one of my sisters, to try to be there, even if it means blacking out a few events on my calendar. Your situation is sorta unique, since it is sorta last minute and would cost so much, though...

So I guess that is all me saying I don't know what I'd do in your situation. Why didn't you have a poll option for that? ;)

[lawchicky.livejournal.com]

I just read your edit, and that's exactly what I was going to suggest.. if it was your play, would you want him to be there, and if this really means a lot to him, then I'd try to go, even if it's an inconvenience. I wouldn't let your mom dictate when you go up there and not, but something like this is more for your brother than for your mom anyway, and it sounds like she's just trying to be helpful by lending you the money.