Five Languages of Love: Thoughts
Feb. 23rd, 2005 04:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hkellickI want to post about yesterday's counseling session, but before I do so, I want to talk some about this book that Dr. Tonya (eventually I'll settle on a name to call her - I just haven't yet) suggested I read, and many of you suggested I read as well: The Five Love Languages (Men's Edition) - Though I strongly suspect the edition itself really doesn't matter much.
The premise of the book is that.. everyone speaks a primary and secondary "love language". This is how they wish to know they are loved.. and how they tend to treat others. The five languages of love are: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. I'm sure you can get a rough idea what each means, so I won't go deeply into it.
Everyone speaks a slightly different "Accent" of each language.. for example a person looking for acts of service may want anything from help cleaning up dinner to household chores to keeping the car maintained. Or a physical touch person may want anything from hand holding to snuggles to sexual intercourse.
Upon reading this book, it became immediately clear to me that K spoke love with "physical touch". She hugged, backrubbed, snuggled, nuzzled and such and wanted this in return. I remember Dr. Tonya asking Kristen what her idea of good and bad was and Kristen responded to me (never, as far as I recall, did answer Dr. Tonya) that she knew things were good when we were snuggly. And things were bad when, for whatever reason, I was unwilling or unable to be snuggly (this happens when I'm very upset and just don't want to be touched)
I, on the other hand, am pretty sure that I'm a Quality Time person. That means that if Kristen wants to show me she loves me, we go and spend Quality Time together, which is anything from date time to mutual activities and interests to sitting around the house having a good Quality conversation (where both of us are able to listen sympathetically and possibly even exchange ideas without there being any sense of "You're just wrong")
I swear to god, I'll swear by this book. At first, I thought it was really stupid, but I'd suggest anyone with the $15 (or the money to come up to D.C. and borrow it from me and Kristen) read this book. It is a little simplistic, divvying up people into five categories each, but at least my experience suggests it's not wrong.
So... I figured I'd give the concept a whirl. OK, I've pinned down what I think Kristen is... let's see if increased amounts of physical touch make Kristen a happy happy girl.
The answer seems to be... yes. I won't get into why I believe that, but I'm pretty convinced. Touch makes Kristen a happy happy girl. (And Kristen being happy happy means Howard is happy happy (or at least certain parts.. oh, right, I wasn't going to get into this. ;) )
*coughcoughcough*
But, anyways.
I'm a guy. I wouldn't read a self-help book, by and large, unless you BOUGHT it for me (and even then, not necessarily), but I do suggest this book.
Seriously.
The premise of the book is that.. everyone speaks a primary and secondary "love language". This is how they wish to know they are loved.. and how they tend to treat others. The five languages of love are: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. I'm sure you can get a rough idea what each means, so I won't go deeply into it.
Everyone speaks a slightly different "Accent" of each language.. for example a person looking for acts of service may want anything from help cleaning up dinner to household chores to keeping the car maintained. Or a physical touch person may want anything from hand holding to snuggles to sexual intercourse.
Upon reading this book, it became immediately clear to me that K spoke love with "physical touch". She hugged, backrubbed, snuggled, nuzzled and such and wanted this in return. I remember Dr. Tonya asking Kristen what her idea of good and bad was and Kristen responded to me (never, as far as I recall, did answer Dr. Tonya) that she knew things were good when we were snuggly. And things were bad when, for whatever reason, I was unwilling or unable to be snuggly (this happens when I'm very upset and just don't want to be touched)
I, on the other hand, am pretty sure that I'm a Quality Time person. That means that if Kristen wants to show me she loves me, we go and spend Quality Time together, which is anything from date time to mutual activities and interests to sitting around the house having a good Quality conversation (where both of us are able to listen sympathetically and possibly even exchange ideas without there being any sense of "You're just wrong")
I swear to god, I'll swear by this book. At first, I thought it was really stupid, but I'd suggest anyone with the $15 (or the money to come up to D.C. and borrow it from me and Kristen) read this book. It is a little simplistic, divvying up people into five categories each, but at least my experience suggests it's not wrong.
So... I figured I'd give the concept a whirl. OK, I've pinned down what I think Kristen is... let's see if increased amounts of physical touch make Kristen a happy happy girl.
The answer seems to be... yes. I won't get into why I believe that, but I'm pretty convinced. Touch makes Kristen a happy happy girl. (And Kristen being happy happy means Howard is happy happy (or at least certain parts.. oh, right, I wasn't going to get into this. ;) )
*coughcoughcough*
But, anyways.
I'm a guy. I wouldn't read a self-help book, by and large, unless you BOUGHT it for me (and even then, not necessarily), but I do suggest this book.
Seriously.
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Date: 2005-02-23 11:22 pm (UTC)