A response to ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
doubletake
Feb. 17th, 2002 11:04 amhkellickHmmm...
Maybe I'm totally misreading this post. With the events of my own last week, it almost sounds as if this particular post is aimed directly at myself (well, not just myself, but...). If so, I can only apologize again for any pain caused by you and any of the people I consider my friends.
Believe me when I say I understand exactly what you mean. For the past five days, I've been in total conflict with myself. I'd like to say something, anything... to point out the inconsistincies from one post to another, to make nasty remarks at someone who makes nasty remarks at myself and my friends, to be able to say to someone "Look, I may be an asshole, but he's a bigger asshole." and yet I know to do so not only invites a continuation of the argument, but makes me the agressor.
Conventional wisdom, indeed your own wisdom suggests that the best thing to do is to ignore them, put on a sweet face and wish it would all go away.
This is NOT always appropriate, though.
To look at some famous examples of how bad an idea that is.. let's look at 9/11. We knew that the terrorists were out there. We let them be. We figured if we put on our happy faces and smiled, everything would take care of itself.
It didn't.
If you looked to World War II, Britain and France put on happy faces. Sure, sure, let Hitler have Poland. He can't get us. We're safe.
They weren't.
The problem is that it takes both points of view... yours *AND* mine to make the world go round. If we were all willing to let things be, then we'd all be dead, simple as that. Someone would have ceased power and simply destroyed everyone who was not like or with them.
For five days straight, I've been listening to not one but an overwhelming amount of people telling me that the best thing to do is ignore things, let them go away. After all, I'm hardly guiltless. But the fact is, by doing so, we simply line ourselves up for the next time. By doing no action, you allow all the pain and suffering to occur again.. in, however long, a few days, a few weeks, maybe a few months.
But nothing will have changed, you see.
And in some time or other... war again.
Life is run by politics. Bickering, Arguing, War.. it's the way life works. You can't hope it simply goes away, because it doesn't. Pretending it will, hoping it will... lines you up as easy targets to be hurt.
It's NEVER just an argument between just two people. It never was. You may want to think it was, that "dirty tricks" force other people to get involved, but that's pure bologna. People get involved because they choose to... to manuever themselves into a better position, to fight with their allies or simply because they feel that everything would be better if they argued that position. Whatever their reasons, people always involve themselves.
When Stebe wrote his famous post, 6 people spoke up. They didn't have to, but they chose to, of their own volition. 6 people went and got involved for, whatever their reasons were. No one was pulled in. No one was told "if you love me, you would defend them.". They posted because they wanted to.
Every time an argument occurs, whether between friends or over broader issues like abortion, education and war, we choose sides. It's instinctive. You look at one side and you look at the other and you decide who is right and who is wrong. No one forces you to do it, it's just something you do. You may be open-minded on your opinion, but the opinion is formed anyways.
I'm not saying I have The Answer. I'm not saying that my point of view is any better than yours, but to really come up with any source of sensible action, you need to step back, consider the case by itself and then find a solution that all parties can live with. You can't just ignore it and hope it goes away. Nor is rash action the best choice. I think the only sensible choice is a case-by-case compromise. Sit down and come up with a solution that all parties can live with.
Keep in mind, when you ignore the bully and don't let him get to you, sure he may leave YOU alone, but he's still a bully and he'll just find someone else to bully. You may have taken yourself out of the picture, but you haven't actually fixed the problem.
Sometimes respect must not only be earned with the olive twig and dove, but with the fist and the knife. Because that's the sort of imperfect world we live in and not everyone is wise and mature and good.
Maybe I'm totally misreading this post. With the events of my own last week, it almost sounds as if this particular post is aimed directly at myself (well, not just myself, but...). If so, I can only apologize again for any pain caused by you and any of the people I consider my friends.
Believe me when I say I understand exactly what you mean. For the past five days, I've been in total conflict with myself. I'd like to say something, anything... to point out the inconsistincies from one post to another, to make nasty remarks at someone who makes nasty remarks at myself and my friends, to be able to say to someone "Look, I may be an asshole, but he's a bigger asshole." and yet I know to do so not only invites a continuation of the argument, but makes me the agressor.
Conventional wisdom, indeed your own wisdom suggests that the best thing to do is to ignore them, put on a sweet face and wish it would all go away.
This is NOT always appropriate, though.
To look at some famous examples of how bad an idea that is.. let's look at 9/11. We knew that the terrorists were out there. We let them be. We figured if we put on our happy faces and smiled, everything would take care of itself.
It didn't.
If you looked to World War II, Britain and France put on happy faces. Sure, sure, let Hitler have Poland. He can't get us. We're safe.
They weren't.
The problem is that it takes both points of view... yours *AND* mine to make the world go round. If we were all willing to let things be, then we'd all be dead, simple as that. Someone would have ceased power and simply destroyed everyone who was not like or with them.
For five days straight, I've been listening to not one but an overwhelming amount of people telling me that the best thing to do is ignore things, let them go away. After all, I'm hardly guiltless. But the fact is, by doing so, we simply line ourselves up for the next time. By doing no action, you allow all the pain and suffering to occur again.. in, however long, a few days, a few weeks, maybe a few months.
But nothing will have changed, you see.
And in some time or other... war again.
Life is run by politics. Bickering, Arguing, War.. it's the way life works. You can't hope it simply goes away, because it doesn't. Pretending it will, hoping it will... lines you up as easy targets to be hurt.
It's NEVER just an argument between just two people. It never was. You may want to think it was, that "dirty tricks" force other people to get involved, but that's pure bologna. People get involved because they choose to... to manuever themselves into a better position, to fight with their allies or simply because they feel that everything would be better if they argued that position. Whatever their reasons, people always involve themselves.
When Stebe wrote his famous post, 6 people spoke up. They didn't have to, but they chose to, of their own volition. 6 people went and got involved for, whatever their reasons were. No one was pulled in. No one was told "if you love me, you would defend them.". They posted because they wanted to.
Every time an argument occurs, whether between friends or over broader issues like abortion, education and war, we choose sides. It's instinctive. You look at one side and you look at the other and you decide who is right and who is wrong. No one forces you to do it, it's just something you do. You may be open-minded on your opinion, but the opinion is formed anyways.
I'm not saying I have The Answer. I'm not saying that my point of view is any better than yours, but to really come up with any source of sensible action, you need to step back, consider the case by itself and then find a solution that all parties can live with. You can't just ignore it and hope it goes away. Nor is rash action the best choice. I think the only sensible choice is a case-by-case compromise. Sit down and come up with a solution that all parties can live with.
Keep in mind, when you ignore the bully and don't let him get to you, sure he may leave YOU alone, but he's still a bully and he'll just find someone else to bully. You may have taken yourself out of the picture, but you haven't actually fixed the problem.
Sometimes respect must not only be earned with the olive twig and dove, but with the fist and the knife. Because that's the sort of imperfect world we live in and not everyone is wise and mature and good.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Re: yeppers
Date: 2002-02-18 10:13 am (UTC)