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hkellickI won't claim to be an authority on fatherhood. Being a stay-at-home dad has certainly given me a certain set of experiences and a certain viewpoint. Or maybe it's just reinforced a certain viewpoint. But once in a while I have to sit there, smack my forehead and wonder what the hell these people were thinking.
So R and I are at the park today. It's gorgeous out and this particularly park is pretty busy. Lots of parents with their kids. Down in the ball field, a grandpa is playing tee ball with a 4 year old and a bunch of kids are running around having a fun time around the playgrounds. Except for R. He's playing in the dirt, ignoring the ball I brought for him, thinking he'd enjoy playing with it.
And as R is playing in the dirt, I hear a mom say, from the bench "Get off the Swing and Go Play!"
Huh?
What is wrong with playing on the swings?
I suspect I know. Mom was hoping kid would burn off some energy. Because as we all know, kids are a fount of energy. But that said.. why is the swing less acceptable than playing?
I suspect mom has a problem. It's a common parent disease called Mywayitis. It's a mental disease that makes otherwise good parents believe that there is only one GOOD way to do things.
Come to that.. it isn't just a parent problem.
There are certain actions that are negative, period. Hitting your peers will not help you make friends and driving on the wrong side of the road is a good way to get into an accident. For most activities, though, the boundaries of acceptable are decidedly murky. There's nothing inherently WRONG with reading the last page of the book before the first one if you don't care if the story is spoiled. And while it may not be the most efficient way there, if you want to drive to work without taking a single left turn, you can do so.
And yet the number of people who think there's only one correct or acceptable way to do a task is saddening. And when you broadcast that kind of attitude to a child, you're just teaching them to be judgmental and critical, not things I'd like to teach my son.
It's not that I can't understand the desire to have your kid burn off some energy, but the sentiment behind the statement.. and the criticism inherent in it.. that swinging is not acceptable really bothers me.
So dear mom on the bench, may I offer some humble advice?
Firstly, loosen up. A kid is gonna be a kid. You can't force a kid to do the things you want. You can entice, persuade, teach the value of, or just model the things you want, but let a kid be a kid. And that's it. At the end of the day, if the kid wants to be silly, wants to play in the dirt when you wanted him to play with the ball, paints the puppy purple instead of brown.. is that really so bad you need to criticize it?
Secondly, if you want the kid to do something, try another tact. Try redirecting him to that group playing around the playground or better yet, bring your own group so he can play with people he know. Or play with him yourself.
And finally, remember, always, that a child is always learning from you. Not just what you WANT him to learn, but other things such as how you treat your family, how you treat the world, how you act when you're in a group and when you're home alone. Wouldn't you rather most of what he learn be positive?
So R and I are at the park today. It's gorgeous out and this particularly park is pretty busy. Lots of parents with their kids. Down in the ball field, a grandpa is playing tee ball with a 4 year old and a bunch of kids are running around having a fun time around the playgrounds. Except for R. He's playing in the dirt, ignoring the ball I brought for him, thinking he'd enjoy playing with it.
And as R is playing in the dirt, I hear a mom say, from the bench "Get off the Swing and Go Play!"
Huh?
What is wrong with playing on the swings?
I suspect I know. Mom was hoping kid would burn off some energy. Because as we all know, kids are a fount of energy. But that said.. why is the swing less acceptable than playing?
I suspect mom has a problem. It's a common parent disease called Mywayitis. It's a mental disease that makes otherwise good parents believe that there is only one GOOD way to do things.
Come to that.. it isn't just a parent problem.
There are certain actions that are negative, period. Hitting your peers will not help you make friends and driving on the wrong side of the road is a good way to get into an accident. For most activities, though, the boundaries of acceptable are decidedly murky. There's nothing inherently WRONG with reading the last page of the book before the first one if you don't care if the story is spoiled. And while it may not be the most efficient way there, if you want to drive to work without taking a single left turn, you can do so.
And yet the number of people who think there's only one correct or acceptable way to do a task is saddening. And when you broadcast that kind of attitude to a child, you're just teaching them to be judgmental and critical, not things I'd like to teach my son.
It's not that I can't understand the desire to have your kid burn off some energy, but the sentiment behind the statement.. and the criticism inherent in it.. that swinging is not acceptable really bothers me.
So dear mom on the bench, may I offer some humble advice?
Firstly, loosen up. A kid is gonna be a kid. You can't force a kid to do the things you want. You can entice, persuade, teach the value of, or just model the things you want, but let a kid be a kid. And that's it. At the end of the day, if the kid wants to be silly, wants to play in the dirt when you wanted him to play with the ball, paints the puppy purple instead of brown.. is that really so bad you need to criticize it?
Secondly, if you want the kid to do something, try another tact. Try redirecting him to that group playing around the playground or better yet, bring your own group so he can play with people he know. Or play with him yourself.
And finally, remember, always, that a child is always learning from you. Not just what you WANT him to learn, but other things such as how you treat your family, how you treat the world, how you act when you're in a group and when you're home alone. Wouldn't you rather most of what he learn be positive?
(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-20 10:58 pm (UTC)