The color of infinity inside an empty glass

I've been feeling lately that everything I try to do turns out horribly. I really don't know what to do, aside from just stop trying to do things.

Here is my latest! I've been thinking, ever since my cat Mister died last year, that I would like to get another cat at some point. I like having more than one cat, and Davey also seems to do better with a cat friend. He doesn't like being left alone and has become rather more timid since his buddy left us.

So when I went to get my truck undercoated and rustproofed on Friday (since New York is notorious for corroding vehicles with road salt in the winter), in mid-20s weather, and saw a black cat running around in the parking lot, I said, "Oh, kitty, go inside!" The guy who was in charge of my truck was also concerned, and we both knelt down and reached out to the cat, who came right over. She (I'm going to say "she" although I really have no idea what sex the cat is) was wary and swatted at our hands but stayed close. The guy wrapped her up in his coat and took her into the garage, where she stayed all through the four hours my truck was being worked on. She wasn't friendly but didn't try to run away. She ate half of one guy's lunch steak and took over one of the chairs. So it seemed she was at least semi-tame. I offered to take her home with me, thinking she was probably just frightened and would settle down in time.

When we were ready to go, I put my coat down on the car seat and the guy brought her over to put in the truck. She was a bit fussy but not aggressive. I didn't like bringing her loose in the truck, but didn't have a carrier with me so there wasn't much choice. I headed out, hopeful that she would stay huddled in my coat while we drove.

But no. She started wandering, climbed on me, went into the back seat, chewed on my coat, attacked my hand and bit me, wouldn't stay calm. Finally got home, left her in the truck while I went into the house to get a carrier and bring Davey's litter box out into the kitchen and set up a litter box for her in the cat room, then went to stuff her in the carrier and bring her inside.

By now she's agitated and angry and continues to attack me and I just left her in the back room, hoping she'd calm down after a while. I washed the bite thoroughly and put Neosporin on it, then went back into the room to sit with her for a while. She sat for a while but then got aggressive again so I left her alone.

So now it looks like I've got a feral cat trapped in my back room and I don't know what to do. Can't just put her out, but can't keep her if she's going to try to attack me every time I go into the room. Then it occurs to me, she's wild and she bit me. What if she's got rabies? So I jumped back in the truck and headed into town to the walk-in center, where I'm told that if I'm concerned about rabies, I need to go to the ER because that's the only place that can do the initial rabies treatment. Look up the nearest ER and head there, and am treated to the smoothest, most pleasant ER experience I've ever had. (Had to count up the number of times I've been to the ER, it's four, twice I arrived in an ambulance with broken bones, once I got advised by a nurse on the phone to GO TO THE ER RIGHT AWAY for a bad cut on my finger which was really not necessary and everyone at the ER was all "why are you wasting our time" and I sat there for hours while they saw everyone else and finally got a tetanus shot and had to beg a bandage for my bleeding finger since they took off the one I came with and they were going to send me away without one so that wasn't at all fun.) Anyway, I just said "Got bit by a stray cat" and was immediately whisked away, registered, checked in, vitals taken, filled out a form for the Health Department, settled in a bed, had my hand x-rayed, and a very nice doctor asked me a bunch of questions about the cat and the bite and seemed pleased that I'd already washed and treated the wound and isolated the cat in my back room. He prescribed antibiotics for a week and said, since I had the cat and there would be plenty of time to start the rabies treatment later if necessary, I should just watch the cat and see if it was still alive in a week. If it survives, it doesn't have rabies and I'm fine. If it dies, they can start treatment then.

So. I'll have this hellcat in my back room for at least a week while I wait to see if it has rabies. Unless it dies before then. Meanwhile... I'm afraid to even go into the room with it lest I get bitten again. So I've just been cracking the door open and tossing in handsful of kibble. There's a cat fountain in there and it's still got water so I don't have to worry about that for now. I have no idea if she's using the litter box but I don't care, I'll clean it up later if necessary.

Someone from the Health Department will probably call tomorrow to follow up. If they offer to have Animal Control come and get the cat, I will agree. She will probably be euthanized, which sucks, but she's not remotely adoptable, and being put back out on the street in this weather is probably a death sentence anyway. If they want me to keep her for the week I will, but unless a miracle occurs and she stops attacking me every time she sees me, I will have to call animal control to come get her anyway. I can't keep a cat if I can't even clean the room and fill her water bowl without being attacked. No rescue will take her and I can't just dump her back on the street in sub-freezing weather.

So. No good deed goes unpunished. Tried to save a stray cat, instead probably became the death of a feral kitty, got attacked and bitten, stressed out to the point I've barely eaten or slept in the past few days. And might have been infected with rabies. So that is the latest in the series of disasters that has become my life.