An actual update

[hkellick]

There are a number of things going on that I either haven't had the time or patience to discuss.

1) Kristen and I are going back to Buffalo for the fourth. It doesn't look like we'll be spending much to any of the actual holiday together because my mom is being INCREDIBLY clingy. She's only stopped half-whining because we decided it was more cost-efficient to drive down (no, we aren't thrilled about this, but money is still an issue. Especially when I have to put the cats up for the long weekend as well.), so she'll have less time with me than she hoped.
It really does bother me that mom is being so clingy. I understand that it doesn't help that this is the first time I really left the nest and that, in doing so, I did move so far away, but come on mom... it's not like I don't talk to you and such. :p

2) This weekend, Kristen and I went to Virginia to meet evil_erato and go to some sort of Solstice celebration/concert at a new age store called Esoterica. I wasn't terribly impressed with the music (there was alot of potential, but not much delivery. And can someone explain to me why so many Wiccans believe that the only music worthy of them is new age or indigo-girls type light rock? And, for gods sake.. why is it the only thing they seem to sing about is "I am Woman." and "Goddess Goddess God Goddess Goddess" :P. I know of a couple of bands that broke out of these molds. I like these bands.. at least more than the other sort.), but it was neat to meet evil_erato, even if she is a freaky HP fangirl. (I really can't say too much about that, I guess, as I'm dating one of those freaky fangirl types.)
I think the thought that I was stuck with through the rest of the weekend was how much I changed.. how a place like that might have, once, been heaven for me (they really do have alot of neat Wiccan-type baubles: Shitloads of Gems, a number of herbs (ground or, at least, in a form they could be put in gelatin capsules), costumes, swords, statues, tarot, runes.... lots and lots of pretties. The only thing I thought the store lacked was an impressive library. There were SOME neat books there, but not as many as I expected for such an otherwise neat store)
And, by and large, I wasn't interested in most to any of it.
And I was hit hard by the fact that I once had been freaky enough I'd have been dying to buy at least SOMETHING there.
This lead me down some old routes I hadn't thought of.. including how disappointed I've become with Wicca (at least, in practice).
I've been a Pagan for over ten years. I've met a couple of down to earth sorts of folks.. folks I could still associate with and discuss my spirituality with and a great deal many more of "fluffy" people who I just couldn't bring myself to believe anymore.
By and large, I tend to snort at the whole Wiccan religion... like so many other common (at least in the western hemisphere) religions, I find that Wicca in practice is far different from Wicca in theory and that's a major disappointment to me.
Maybe it's the other way around, though. Perhaps *I* am the disappointment to Wicca.
I never found a magickal name. They all seemed so.. forced. The only other name (besides my legal one), I have ever responded to is LITE. And that's a silly magickal name. I never found a patron god or goddess and tend to view divinity more as abstract yet equal to me (something, neither really male or female, old or young etc... that I could hold a conversation to, instead of bowing down to)
Regardless...
I think in an attempt to find if there were others that felt and thought like me, I recently joined nonfluffypagans. I don't know what I expect from that group. But I felt like I needed to try.

3) I'm having videogasms again as I keep my eyes on some of the upcoming video games. Sims 2 looks all SORTS of neat and Roller Coaster Tycoon 3... well, shit, not only does it look more realistic than ever, but you can do NIGHT shots now... that's just fucking COOL, man.
Needless to say I'm a little anxious :)
I know when Sims 2 comes out and it will be tempting to take a day off from work, get the game, and come home to play it. BUt I won't. I'll just get it that night and hole myself in front of the computer that night to play with it and see what I can do :)
I can hardly wait! :)

4) I've had my first personality problem at work. This happens to be with one of the team leaders, a guy named Nick. He doesn't seem to care for my level of work and then harries me continuously me, and has me run through hoops until I "learn it" his way.
Is it fair to hold me to a higher standard than a month or two ago? Sure. Not arguing.
But to have me run through hoops because I made the mistake of not knowing what this hydraulic analysis is and asking for them to send more than they needed... and then for harassing me when I didn't understand it the first time... feh. You, sir, are a goober.
I've lost my temper once with him and I regret this very much. I won't do it again.
But he does try my patience.

Exciting, no?
Ah well. Back to work.

Comments

Wiccan stuff

[peachtess.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you've gone a path closely resembling mine in terms of Wicca from the sounds of it and how I translate it. I still call myself Wiccan when asked but its more out of convinces then actuality. Its the closes religion that matches I guess. I guess I'm still a Wiccan come to think of it. I believe in the law of three..I believe in the Lord and Lady..I believe in rebirth in all things (seasons, reincarnation, etc)..I believe everything is connected..I believe in magic and that it resides in me as it does everyone in varying degrees. I've just gotten burnt out with the angry women who go on about how Christianity, Islam, and Judaism is all about the man ignoring the female part of the Universe when they in turn go on and on about the Goddess and never do anything about the God. They are just as guilty as the men they vent about. These people call themselves Wiccan but really I think they are of another religion in themselves. Then there's those who want to mainstream Wicca. Fit it into a little box like all the other mainstream religions. Telling people what to believe and how to worship. I can't stand people like that. I've drifted away from the Wiccan community. I haven't bought a book, much less even looked in that section of the store, in years now. The books just say the same things. I've seen very few I'd felt were worthwhile. I use to want that box..the mainstreaming. Now with age I want nothing to do with it. I see those people for who they are. People who are rarely in touch with reality. People who are selfish. Thinking only of themselves. Maybe I've just met the wrong bunch of Wiccans..maybe..but its what I've seen.

Re: Wiccan stuff

[lite.livejournal.com]

So have you given up on the teachings of Z. Budapest?
I haven't bought a pagan book since you and I got Wicca for Men in San Fran. Because it all says the same thing... love and light and balance and such.
It sounds like we ran with some of the same people.
I strongly suspect that I was one. I certainly lost touch with reality with my beliefs that I was actually a pixie.

Most of the people I know seem to be moving towards a more universalist unitarian approach to religion. I can respect this.

Re: Wiccan stuff

[peachtess.livejournal.com]

Yeah I have. She was the worse of the lot..it took me a while to see this though and I was badly disappointed when I did.

Re: Wiccan stuff

[lite.livejournal.com]

I can honestly say that I didn't care for her teachings. The idea of elitist (Female only) Wicca just never sat well with me.
May I ask what was it that you finally found disappointing about her?

Re: Wiccan stuff

[peachtess.livejournal.com]

A lot of reasons. Mostly because I finally saw what kind of person she was when she wasn't in her "High Priestesses spiritual know-it-all" mask. Which was really just a mask. I went on about it in my LJ a little bit more. She wasn't the only one I had met through that community. You can read it here (http://www.livejournal.com/users/peachtess/35096.html).