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hkellickI use my journal as my ranting post. If I'm mad at my parents, I rant. If I'm mad at my girlfriend, I rant. If I'm mad at the world, I rant and then rant a little more.
I almost never have anything positive to say. If something good's happening, I don't bother to post, I just enjoy it as much as I can.
Because tommorow something shitty will happen, I'm sure.
I'm a pessimist, folks. This is how I think :p
ANYWAYS.. as you know.. Kristen and I just had another big, ugly fight. One that forced the two of us to decide if our relationship with each other was really worth all of this anymore.
The last big fight, when Kristen became suddenly extremely depressed, I ended up confused, upset and talking to people online. I won't name names. We talked. She suggested I reconsider whether or not the relationship was worth all the agitation. At the same time, I talked to my mother. My mother loves me and I would DEFINATELY call her overprotective. I'm her eldest and, possibly, her favorite (we always had a special relationship she doesn't have with any of my other brothers). She told me to take time off from Kristen and try being alone for a while. Then she put her foot in her mouth and, at Marc's request, suggested I try jdate.com, a jewish dating site.
At the time, I was upset. I didn't want to break up with Kristen. I didn't think I needed time. All I wanted was for the fights to stop. I loved her.
I was telling this to Dr. Lockwood a week or so after and her suggestion was.. not to involve my mother in the day to day fights. All my mother heard was the negative, never the positive. It didn't really sink in then.
Fast forward to this fight and everyone's upset and the advice to take a break is looking awfully good. A quick scan of my entries from the past six month show a pattern.. for every step forward, we would take a major step back. If there were moments of happiness, they were brief and fleeting. Again, i rarely talked about the positive, only vented my frustrations at the negative.
When the next fight came along, we both looked for sympathy and advice. The advice was pretty mixed, but both of us heard someone tell us we should dump each other, that nothing was worth this.
I can't be angry at the people who said this. I don't know what everyone![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ecwoodburn talked to had to say, but everyone who really knew both Kristen and I never ever suggested anything bigger than a break. Some of my friends, who don't know Kristen and don't know how happy we can be together, suggested I dump her. Some of her friends, who don't know me, suggested she dump me.
I can't be angry because most of what you've seen is negtative, negative, negative.
What else are you supposed to think?
It just struck me.
So... for the next 12 weeks, at least, this is LITE's journal of positivity. I will not use this journal to vent anger or frustration at Kristen in such a way so that everyone in the world can see. It reinforces the negativity inside me. It reinforces the negativity you may see. And, all in all, it's just not very helpful to anyone.
And there's a lesson learned the hard way in here. I hope it's been made clear. It's clear to me, at least.
So.. nuff said. Postity time.
I almost never have anything positive to say. If something good's happening, I don't bother to post, I just enjoy it as much as I can.
Because tommorow something shitty will happen, I'm sure.
I'm a pessimist, folks. This is how I think :p
ANYWAYS.. as you know.. Kristen and I just had another big, ugly fight. One that forced the two of us to decide if our relationship with each other was really worth all of this anymore.
The last big fight, when Kristen became suddenly extremely depressed, I ended up confused, upset and talking to people online. I won't name names. We talked. She suggested I reconsider whether or not the relationship was worth all the agitation. At the same time, I talked to my mother. My mother loves me and I would DEFINATELY call her overprotective. I'm her eldest and, possibly, her favorite (we always had a special relationship she doesn't have with any of my other brothers). She told me to take time off from Kristen and try being alone for a while. Then she put her foot in her mouth and, at Marc's request, suggested I try jdate.com, a jewish dating site.
At the time, I was upset. I didn't want to break up with Kristen. I didn't think I needed time. All I wanted was for the fights to stop. I loved her.
I was telling this to Dr. Lockwood a week or so after and her suggestion was.. not to involve my mother in the day to day fights. All my mother heard was the negative, never the positive. It didn't really sink in then.
Fast forward to this fight and everyone's upset and the advice to take a break is looking awfully good. A quick scan of my entries from the past six month show a pattern.. for every step forward, we would take a major step back. If there were moments of happiness, they were brief and fleeting. Again, i rarely talked about the positive, only vented my frustrations at the negative.
When the next fight came along, we both looked for sympathy and advice. The advice was pretty mixed, but both of us heard someone tell us we should dump each other, that nothing was worth this.
I can't be angry at the people who said this. I don't know what everyone
ecwoodburn talked to had to say, but everyone who really knew both Kristen and I never ever suggested anything bigger than a break. Some of my friends, who don't know Kristen and don't know how happy we can be together, suggested I dump her. Some of her friends, who don't know me, suggested she dump me.I can't be angry because most of what you've seen is negtative, negative, negative.
What else are you supposed to think?
It just struck me.
So... for the next 12 weeks, at least, this is LITE's journal of positivity. I will not use this journal to vent anger or frustration at Kristen in such a way so that everyone in the world can see. It reinforces the negativity inside me. It reinforces the negativity you may see. And, all in all, it's just not very helpful to anyone.
And there's a lesson learned the hard way in here. I hope it's been made clear. It's clear to me, at least.
So.. nuff said. Postity time.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-20 08:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-20 08:37 pm (UTC)Hallelujah! Praise Jesus! Now maybe I won't have to develop an S2 style that filters out negativity ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-20 08:38 pm (UTC)Smart Ass!
... though... if you figure it out (and if anyone could, you could, I bet), let me know, K? :)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-20 10:39 pm (UTC)Just please take care of yourself, that this doesn't mean you end up bottling things up on the inside, but as long as there's no risk of that, I'm all for it. I've discovered that deciding to be positive often goes a long way in actually *being* positive.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-20 10:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-20 11:22 pm (UTC)Cheer Up
Date: 2005-05-21 12:06 am (UTC)Re: Cheer Up
Date: 2005-05-21 02:06 pm (UTC)Kiddo????
Date: 2005-05-21 08:50 pm (UTC)Re: Cheer Up
Date: 2005-05-21 02:22 pm (UTC)There's hope for you yet.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-22 07:52 pm (UTC)